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Old 06-17-2017, 12:48 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,912 posts, read 51,523,686 times
Reputation: 27876

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
WHich is why the media very rarely publicize suicides, it only causes more copycats if they think it gets them attention.

Its the single most selfish thing a person can do. Like a person who comes to your house and vomits all over your table and leaves the mess for you to clean up. They cannot see beyond their own self inflicted pain, other peoples peace of mind is secondary.
I am sorry that you feel you have to give people that much power over your own life and that you have a difficult time viewing them with compassion. Perhaps yes, they are unable to see past their own pain. That can certainly be the case. A more selfish action would be the all-to-common murder-suicide, where that anguish results in two deaths.

In regard to the "selfish" concept, remember the mantra we had after 9/11, if we allow the action to affect the way we comport ourselves, then the evil of the action has won. We grew stronger as a nation and in our resolve because we grieved and mourned but carried forth with resolve. Besides, the events around each suicide are unique. Someone who does so in extended fatal illness does not have the same mindset as a jilted lover seeking revenge.

I wish you peace and resolution in your own experience of the fallout.
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Old 06-17-2017, 01:07 AM
 
Location: Happyville, North Carolina
2,401 posts, read 2,037,536 times
Reputation: 3562
Your life is what you make of it. You're only as vulnerable as you let yourself be. Start living or start dying, its your choice.
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Old 06-17-2017, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,409 posts, read 16,049,959 times
Reputation: 18119
I regret posting this here. Some of you really, really, desperately need some help. Work out your feelings about suicide in a better place than in the thread of someone grieving, and really consider what you hoped to achieve by posting anything at all.

Thank you for the condolences for those who posted them here or elsewhere.
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Old 06-17-2017, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,753 posts, read 2,445,608 times
Reputation: 14367
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
Its the single most selfish thing a person can do. Like a person who comes to your house and vomits all over your table and leaves the mess for you to clean up. They cannot see beyond their own self inflicted pain, other peoples peace of mind is secondary.
This kind of condemnation is far worse. Many people who commit suicide may believe no one cares about them, or that they are a burden to others. They aren't being "selfish" when they commit suicide.
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Old 06-17-2017, 09:15 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,753 posts, read 2,445,608 times
Reputation: 14367
Although I myself haven't lost a loved one to suicide (at least not yet, at this point in my life) I am sorry for the grief you are going through.
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Old 06-18-2017, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,409 posts, read 16,049,959 times
Reputation: 18119
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
This kind of condemnation is far worse. Many people who commit suicide may believe no one cares about them, or that they are a burden to others. They aren't being "selfish" when they commit suicide.
Absolutely correct. Mental illness is as real as any other illness. My friend fought for so long to get help and get better, the way that someone would go through chemotherapy or radiation in trying to beat back cancer. Depression and PTSD are as insidious as cancer, and I say that as a survivor myself.

My friend had terminal depression and PTSD. Most of the time, he was able to control it with medication, talk therapy, and cognitive behavior therapy (or at least what treatment he was able to afford sporadically above and beyond what he had access to at the VA). Last week, the mental illness overtook him. All it took was one night of losing his grasp with reality, and to break that stability he worked SO HARD to maintain.

We don't say that someone who succumbs to cancer is selfish. Mental illness is just as real. It was clear he was not functioning like himself when he made his decision. He wasn't able to work through what suicide would mean for others - he truly, TRULY thought he was a burden and that everyone's life would be better without him. We all know that's not true. When he was stable, he also knew on a logical level that it wasn't true. When he lost that stability though, his truth shifted. To further demonize people who find themselves fighting this misunderstood battle is the height of cruelty.
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Old 06-20-2017, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,841 posts, read 21,895,422 times
Reputation: 27891
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
Last night, one of my oldest friends posted a suicide letter on Facebook. I saw it within moments of his posting and immediately called him, and when I got no answer, called his city's police. Several of his friends did the same, and a local friend jumped in his car and was at my friend's house within 15 minutes. It was already too late - he pulled the trigger seemingly immediately after he posted the note. Even when I called the police, I had a feeling that was the case. He was not one to make a dramatic cry for help hoping for likes or comments: it was his goodbye.

He was almost 31 years old... an Army veteran who joined right after high school graduation because he saw no other option for getting out of the trailer park in Alaska that he grew up in. I remember when he joined having conversations with him that indicated his heart wasn't really in it, but he was hopeful for the chance to go to college and get career training. Instead, he served several tours of duty and returned with PTSD, chronic pain, and skills that were mismatched with civilian life. The last few years have been tough, yet he persevered and went to counseling, tried to better himself, and rose up from menial jobs like working overnight as a stocker at Walmart to a career helping people. Still lowly paid, especially for Alaska's high COL, but better.

And then last night, it was too much and it was over.

This isn't the first loved one I've lost to suicide, but different in that I watched it happen almost in real time. The suicide letter, the phone calls and unviewed text messages, watching his friends leave comments about trying to reach him, up to half an hour later when the friend that went to check on him posted that he was greeted at the door by the police.

He was one of the kindest, generous people I've ever encountered. We knew each other since we were kids and he would always share any news article about me or anything I did with his friends like a proud big brother. His demons wouldn't allow him to see himself the way that everyone else did. In the end, his suicide note penned himself as the villain of his own story, and it breaks my heart knowing his thoughts were that he was useless and hurtful to those around him. To everyone else, he was a loyal friend and trusted confidant. He just never felt like he deserved to confide in us.

I don't really know how to manage my grief. I went to work today and felt like a crazy person, with wildly varying moods and smiling and even laughing as people gave condolences. I have all the pithy, logical lines about not being able to save someone from themselves and nothing could have been done in my head, but that just doesn't feel right, you know? And I'm so haunted by being "there," even if separated by 3000 miles, for his last words.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I'm devastated and don't know how to talk about it.

It's sad, but some just don't want to live. My brother killed himself when he was 54. I would have done anything to have him in my life now, but it wasn't up to me.
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Old 06-21-2017, 12:05 AM
 
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,523 posts, read 7,379,656 times
Reputation: 11302
I'm so sorry for your loss, Charolastra. It must be terribly shocking and sad. I've never been in your position, so I don't know, really.

I think that when people here have posted these unpleasant and negative things, they are thinking of themselves, and their own opinions and certainly are not considering you. I say this not to excuse them, but hopefully to help with your understanding. I can see why you've had second thoughts about beginning the thread.

Who knew that you'd find this level of inconsideration; I'm embarrassed that some folks are making these kind of comments. I'm standing with you in your grief, and wish strength and healing for you.
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Old 06-22-2017, 02:52 PM
 
Location: St Pete
75 posts, read 25,136 times
Reputation: 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by ApartmentNomad View Post
I'm the one who has to live my life--or not--not other people. Other people can try to make a claim to me but I don't take it seriously, certainly not from anyone in my life now, because, again, they aren't the ones who have to live my life if I go on living.

We are thrown into this world without choice. We should have the right to say no to the lives we never asked for.
Then live it, but to say-- "I did not ask to be born into this lousy World"--is lame. I was not asked for my opinion by God: I was born one day, and welcomed into the World, by that method. I won't be checking out by my own hand, I will wait on God. He brought me in, and He will take me out.
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Old 06-23-2017, 02:15 PM
 
4,316 posts, read 2,174,247 times
Reputation: 7617
I have counted the number of people I have known quite well who have committed suicide.


In my long life ( 71 years old) it has been 17 people.


They were co-workers, former co-workers. friends, cousin, brother-in- law.


There wasn't a thing I could have done to have prevented any of them !


Perhaps their spouse could have, but I ...........as a friend.......could not.
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