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Old 06-24-2017, 01:45 PM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 528,085 times
Reputation: 2050

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Adult child-age 45/50? had unresolved issues with his father. Now he seems to burden his Mom with his grief, she cannot seem to have her own grief, she feels she need to comfort him ! The spouse/father has only been in Heaven about a month now.


Although my husband transitioned to Heaven 5 years ago, realize one of my sons had anger towards his father, I feel like an obligation, that is my problem. For myself, must stand firm with my "No", would prefer to be with friends, my own company than with people who feel obligated to me !


This Thread has been such a comfort to me, just needed to vent?/say what I have been feeling all this time. Thank You !
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Old 06-24-2017, 03:17 PM
 
8,219 posts, read 8,504,500 times
Reputation: 10184
Most people find mutual comfort in grieving together with family.
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Old 06-25-2017, 06:41 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,340,105 times
Reputation: 28970
Quote:
Originally Posted by sera View Post
Adult child-age 45/50? had unresolved issues with his father. Now he seems to burden his Mom with his grief, she cannot seem to have her own grief, she feels she need to comfort him ! The spouse/father has only been in Heaven about a month now.


Although my husband transitioned to Heaven 5 years ago, realize one of my sons had anger towards his father, I feel like an obligation, that is my problem. For myself, must stand firm with my "No", would prefer to be with friends, my own company than with people who feel obligated to me !


This Thread has been such a comfort to me, just needed to vent?/say what I have been feeling all this time. Thank You !
It never fails to amaze me that some people seem to try to make another's grief all about them rather than letting the other person grieve in their own way and at their own time. Holding onto anger toward the deceased is yet another example of self-centeredness. The one who's passed can do nothing about it. That time and opportunity is forever gone. The "aggrieved" person needs to get over it and get on with their life. They also need to stop burdening the other survivors with their issues. Their grief is not all about the one with issues.
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Old 06-25-2017, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,930 posts, read 24,062,349 times
Reputation: 10748
Lost my husband 3 months ago, one son was a huge PITA through the entire ordeal. He let his relationship with his dad fall by the wayside and now had "guilt" issues. It is not my problem to try and ease his guilt, he needs to work that out for himself.

Now when I see him he asks questions that are none of his dam business, to the point he told me he checks realtor dot com all the time to see if I listed my condo!!! REALLY????
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Old 06-25-2017, 07:44 AM
 
4,855 posts, read 2,152,571 times
Reputation: 12362
A genuine grief is going thru it. Not the 'get over it'.
It's a cycle . Share it or convene to your own private place. It's unfortunate that some choose to widen the loss ..Yet indeed some do. Comfort has never widen the grief...But discomfort sure can. Think about it and be aware of which comfort you're exhibiting.
To tend to a wound is not selfish..It's worthy of healing...
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Old 06-25-2017, 08:37 AM
 
4,218 posts, read 7,854,441 times
Reputation: 4973
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
Lost my husband 3 months ago, one son was a huge PITA through the entire ordeal. He let his relationship with his dad fall by the wayside and now had "guilt" issues. It is not my problem to try and ease his guilt, he needs to work that out for himself.

Now when I see him he asks questions that are none of his dam business, to the point he told me he checks realtor dot com all the time to see if I listed my condo!!! REALLY????
Already fishing for inheritance.
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