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Old 07-11-2017, 08:59 AM
 
32 posts, read 11,312 times
Reputation: 34

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Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
You can't give yourself advice - that's what we're here for!

Somebody once told me when all else fails, wallow. When you have a day that just seems like you're at the very bottom, go ahead and wallow a bit. Cry, yell, curse, get it all out. It's going to get better but not until the wallow is satisfied.

Fortunately, when you climb out of the pit, the Sun is shining and the nice folks at CD are waiting to help you enjoy it for however long it lasts. A lot of us know how you're feeling. We've been in the pit a time or two ourselves.

Hang in there.
Agreed. It is a process and you must let it go on it's own time. The pain never really goes away, but the body heals and the spirit mends, as much as they can, in their own time.
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Old 07-11-2017, 10:14 AM
 
3,266 posts, read 2,336,935 times
Reputation: 5622
Congrats and hugs!!

And give that precious baby extra hugs!

In the depth of her grief when my dad died, my mom predicted that my daughter in law would be pregnant. We always have a new baby in our family when someone dies, it seems.

She is pregnant with a little girl now. I'm hoping my mom finds a little bit of extra joy in this blessing.
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Old 07-11-2017, 10:22 AM
 
Location: The Heart of Dixie
1,359 posts, read 958,845 times
Reputation: 3405
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
A few days ago one of my granddaughters presented us with a healthy, lovely great granddaughter. That's my first. My wife already has a great grandson. Needless to say I was thrilled but it also filled me with sorrow. My wife was a former midwife who delivered hundreds of children in at-home births. She so loved the little ones and was especially excited that there would be a new girl baby as we have a surfeit of grandsons. We'd been looking forward to this birth for many months.

Along with my joy there was also a great deal of sorrow that my wife is no longer here to share in the long-anticipated joy. It set me back in the grief process and I spent much of the day in tears. Talk about a two-edged sword... This was it. Just when I thought I was making some progress eight weeks since my wife's passing I feel like I'm back at the very beginning of sorrow again.

Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for 'listening.' This too shall pass.
My heart breaks for you, Curmudgeon. My mother passed away almost 11 years ago and the thing she wanted most in the world was a grandchild. I had my first child (a daughter) back in December and it broke my heart that she wasn't here to see that sweet baby and experience the one thing she wanted so much. It brought everything back and made it feel like I'd lost my mother all over again. The fact that you lost your wife so recently has to make it that much worse. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Old 07-11-2017, 10:40 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,327,697 times
Reputation: 28965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae Maes Garden View Post
Always interesting that new life arrives close to when another has passed. Hold that baby close as you honor your late wife. She is in that hug too. So sorry for your loss.
Mae
Thanks so much for the reminder. I'd forgotten that truth which happened many times in my past. An elderly family member had passed on and within a short period I had a new child being born or a grandchild. Now that reality has happened once again.

For all of you who have responded, your advice, good wishes and hugs are most appreciated. While there is sorrow, a sense of great loss and always will be, there are also light, love, hope and much to live for. Giving into despair is nothing I need to do and would greatly disappoint and distress my wife who I know is keeping watch over me and all in our family. That's not something I need to be doing. There are truly good days still ahead.
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Old 07-11-2017, 10:53 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,841,965 times
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My mom passed away while I was pregnant with my second son.
I wish I had given more thought to how hard that had to be on my dad.
They were married almost 50 years.
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Old 07-11-2017, 11:42 AM
 
334 posts, read 230,711 times
Reputation: 775
Prayers for peace
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Retired in Malibu/La Quinta/Flagstaff
1,222 posts, read 1,217,870 times
Reputation: 3889
Curmudgeon, my deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved wife, as well as heartfelt congratulations for your first great-grandchild.

My wife was three months pregnant with our first child when she died. I had dreams of sitting on my front porch, regaling my future children and grandchildren with stories about my service in the military and the police department. Now, almost 41 years later, I'm still a widower with nothing but the walls to talk to.

Grief and mourning are very individual processes. We move at our own pace. What helped me the most were the words from an older Catholic priest who told me not to mourn what we have lost, but to rejoice in what we had and have.
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:14 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,327,697 times
Reputation: 28965
I'm so sorry you suffered such great losses so long ago. Obviously it had deep impact on you. Sage advice from the priest (I'm Catholic). I've been celebrating my wife, our lives together and the love we shared since the day of her passing. Such fun and precious memories; mostly of her loving and giving ways. They tickle my heart and give meaning to our marriage beyond measure.
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Old 07-12-2017, 03:20 AM
 
Location: R.I.
875 posts, read 521,780 times
Reputation: 3732
My husband passed in November of 2001, and the following July his oldest niece and godchild who he was very close to got married. Although this was a joyous event for my husband's niece and the rest of the family, we all shared a subtle sadness that my husband was not there to share in this happy event.

You are right this too will pass for you, and as time goes on these types of experiences will lessen in the emotional impact they will have on you.
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Old 07-12-2017, 11:50 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
Reputation: 27752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
A few days ago one of my granddaughters presented us with a healthy, lovely great granddaughter. That's my first. My wife already has a great grandson. Needless to say I was thrilled but it also filled me with sorrow. My wife was a former midwife who delivered hundreds of children in at-home births. She so loved the little ones and was especially excited that there would be a new girl baby as we have a surfeit of grandsons. We'd been looking forward to this birth for many months.

Along with my joy there was also a great deal of sorrow that my wife is no longer here to share in the long-anticipated joy. It set me back in the grief process and I spent much of the day in tears. Talk about a two-edged sword... This was it. Just when I thought I was making some progress eight weeks since my wife's passing I feel like I'm back at the very beginning of sorrow again.

Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for 'listening.' This too shall pass.
Off your chest, bounced on mine, and shot out into the great beyond. Done.
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