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Old 07-10-2017, 07:21 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,327,697 times
Reputation: 28965

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A few days ago one of my granddaughters presented us with a healthy, lovely great granddaughter. That's my first. My wife already has a great grandson. Needless to say I was thrilled but it also filled me with sorrow. My wife was a former midwife who delivered hundreds of children in at-home births. She so loved the little ones and was especially excited that there would be a new girl baby as we have a surfeit of grandsons. We'd been looking forward to this birth for many months.

Along with my joy there was also a great deal of sorrow that my wife is no longer here to share in the long-anticipated joy. It set me back in the grief process and I spent much of the day in tears. Talk about a two-edged sword... This was it. Just when I thought I was making some progress eight weeks since my wife's passing I feel like I'm back at the very beginning of sorrow again.

Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for 'listening.' This too shall pass.
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Old 07-10-2017, 07:37 AM
 
3,287 posts, read 4,937,486 times
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Hugs, Curmudgeon. I can only imagine how bittersweet this is for you. I hope you find some peace soon. Again, hugs, big ones.
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:11 PM
 
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Remember that it is only eight weeks since you lost your wife. That is a very short time. Events of all kinds can bring our loss flooding back to us, and two months is unquestionably still active grieving time. I think it is important to allow yourself to grieve and not to think of this as a set back. It is just part of the process. It is so hard, I know, to rejoice over a new birth and grieve a loss at the same time. But such is the human condition. Be patient, accept your feelings, and know that this is the way it works for most of us. That new great grand daughter will be a source of great joy in the future, but those bittersweet feelings will persist. Be at peace that your beloved wife would have been so joyful and that she would want you to experience that same joy. But allow yourself to grieve that you cannot be joyful together - it is a huge loss.
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Old 07-10-2017, 01:19 PM
 
Location: SW MO
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Thank you. You're so right. I'm trying!
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Old 07-10-2017, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,539 posts, read 3,003,976 times
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Curmudgeon, one of the things I learned from here is that you don't have to try. Grief takes it's own time. There are days when it's very hard & days when it's easier. Take all the time you need.
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Old 07-10-2017, 02:37 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,327,697 times
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Helpful perspective and reminder, meo92953. I kind of know that but sometimes have a tendency to try to tough things out. There are no time limits or rules for grief and sorrow. I feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland: "I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it."

Thank you!
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Old 07-10-2017, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,219 posts, read 7,398,023 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Helpful perspective and reminder, meo92953. I kind of know that but sometimes have a tendency to try to tough things out. There are no time limits or rules for grief and sorrow. I feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland: "I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it."

Thank you!
You can't give yourself advice - that's what we're here for!

Somebody once told me when all else fails, wallow. When you have a day that just seems like you're at the very bottom, go ahead and wallow a bit. Cry, yell, curse, get it all out. It's going to get better but not until the wallow is satisfied.

Fortunately, when you climb out of the pit, the Sun is shining and the nice folks at CD are waiting to help you enjoy it for however long it lasts. A lot of us know how you're feeling. We've been in the pit a time or two ourselves.

Hang in there.
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Old 07-10-2017, 03:52 PM
 
Location: North State (California)
28,146 posts, read 2,192,400 times
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Hugs
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Old 07-10-2017, 03:54 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,670,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curmudgeon View Post
just when i thought i was making some progress eight weeks since my wife's passing i feel like i'm back at the very beginning of sorrow again.

Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for 'listening.' this too shall pass.

{{{{{{{{{{{{big hug}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Old 07-10-2017, 04:07 PM
 
Location: X marks the spot
546 posts, read 175,647 times
Reputation: 836
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
A few days ago one of my granddaughters presented us with a healthy, lovely great granddaughter. That's my first. My wife already has a great grandson. Needless to say I was thrilled but it also filled me with sorrow. My wife was a former midwife who delivered hundreds of children in at-home births. She so loved the little ones and was especially excited that there would be a new girl baby as we have a surfeit of grandsons. We'd been looking forward to this birth for many months.

Along with my joy there was also a great deal of sorrow that my wife is no longer here to share in the long-anticipated joy. It set me back in the grief process and I spent much of the day in tears. Talk about a two-edged sword... This was it. Just when I thought I was making some progress eight weeks since my wife's passing I feel like I'm back at the very beginning of sorrow again.

Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for 'listening.' This too shall pass.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, grief has its own timetable, and can make an appearance when least expected. You are correct, "this too shall pass."
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