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Old 07-20-2017, 03:02 PM
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,327,697 times
Reputation: 28965


I never read Huffpost but a dear friend emailed this link to me last night remarking that it seemed to mirror my own, recently expressed beliefs about grieving in the aftermath of the death of my beloved wife. In many ways, so it does. Therefore I thought it would share it. Perhaps others may see themselves and their grief processes in it, not confined to the ever popular, Kübler-Ross, five stages of grief model. I hope some take comfort in it and the realization that we all grieve differently and for different lengths of time. Best of all, we're allowed to.

Stifled Grief: How the West Has It Wrong | HuffPost
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Old 07-20-2017, 03:43 PM
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,428 posts, read 2,253,113 times
Reputation: 1826
Very nice article Curmudgeon. So much truth in it. Thanks for the link.
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Old 07-20-2017, 05:29 PM
Location: NW Nevada
13,341 posts, read 10,902,291 times
Reputation: 12285
Quite interesting. I've never subscribed to these models of how grief progresses. I rather detest the whole "get over it and move on" mentality. It's refreshing to see someone dispell this false premise of having to be "tough" and hold everything inside so it can eat you alive.
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Old 07-20-2017, 05:30 PM
5,706 posts, read 12,818,347 times
Reputation: 9008
Great article, very informative and helpful.
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Old 07-20-2017, 09:12 PM
Location: New Mexico
5,097 posts, read 2,915,584 times
Reputation: 9413
Thanks for posting this. No one has the power or authority to impose expectations on another person's grief. No grieving person should submit to someone else's expectations. It is all a personal process.
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Old 07-20-2017, 09:22 PM
4,833 posts, read 2,142,556 times
Reputation: 12302
Every time I read one, of your post Curmudgeon,it validates.
The deep love you HAVE for your beloved wife.

I live in the present and rarely use past tense when speaking of the loss..it's a present experience..

Loved the article...most accurate!!
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Old 07-20-2017, 09:59 PM
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,841 posts, read 51,301,408 times
Reputation: 27653
Kübler-Ross has been discounted for a while now. That 5 step process is a simplistic model that was needed as a guide back before there was any greater understanding.

To the extent that the article allows people to accept there can be variations, it is helpful. Otherwise...

(Do NOT open the spoiler expecting me to agree with the author)

This is an article that exemplifies why I strenuously avoid Huffpost. I could easily tear it to pieces in the assumptions it makes, the errors it has, and the sheer pontificating BS contained in it. There are a couple of valid points, but those are only used as a basis for others that are simply not real. The author attempts to take a personal ongoing grief and claim that it is "normal" and then justify it via false claims of expectations and realities. Real therapists are aware of such clients that justify obsessions (not just about grief) and continue to build the obsession rather than trying to work.

As an easily understood explanation of the main issue involved, the author has held grief for seven years and allowed it to dominate their life. That is, at a minimum, placing their OWN value as far less than the value of the deceased. That is a form of having validation through the experience of grieving for another, rather than holding self value and recognizing that they themselves are continuing to live in life. The extent of justification is enough to impact their own living of life negatively, and by definition has fallen into a neurosis at a minimum. A proper editor would never have allowed that article to be published.
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Old 07-21-2017, 02:41 AM
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,864 posts, read 8,003,412 times
Reputation: 11210
I've noticed that those who had a miserable relationship grieve more hopelessly than those who have had a happy relationship. I experienced that when my father died.
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Old 07-21-2017, 04:36 AM
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,895,074 times
Reputation: 14817
Thank you for posting this! It has so much good information!
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Old 07-21-2017, 04:51 AM
855 posts, read 568,116 times
Reputation: 863
Great share!! Thanks OP! Grief has many facets. There is not a one size fits all solution.
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