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Old 08-09-2017, 07:45 AM
 
Location: I live in Bellevue, Wa, in Crossroads
964 posts, read 249,492 times
Reputation: 1098

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So, I'm going through so many emotions, I've been shaking a little. Here's my sitrep.
My brother is a real piece of something. I tried to reach out to him at the end of 2015 to discuss the lifelong impact of childhood abuse meted out by our father. If it wasn'tphysical, it was verbal. I was a stupid dummy idiot fatso, according to the father I couldn't do anything right, and I was a freak. I have Tourrete's, which I inherited from my father, but he would never admit his tics were from a genetic disorder. Foolish pride, and cruelty. What a combo plate.
After one month of phone calls, my brother told me he never wanted to hear from me again, told me I was a worthless piece of ****, just like my dad used to say to me. My brother and my dad were close, even though he got beat too. I don't think it affected him like it did me, stripping me of my confidence and self-esteem.
I asked why, and he gave me an answer I thought was reserved for village idiots. I will explain two paragraphs down. He also saud he didn't want to hear me discuss being an adult survivor of childhood abuse. He said "I'm fine, and I got beat too." He drinks now that he's retired. Idk how much , but he was drunk everytime we spoke. He is handling it though!!! What a champ!!!
I told my brother several times I had been trying to find our cousins on F , but no luck. He just grunted and mumbled "dunno know"
Yesterday, I found one of my 1st cousins finally. I sent her a message, scrolled down a few pictures, and saw that she had died on May 11. I had been looking so hard for everyone. . I was so happy when I discovered her page. After I read she had died, I started looking at all her pics and guess what?
In one of her posted photos, there was my fat greasy bastard of a brother in the background. I told him almost two f------ years ago I was trying to find everyone. That smug, fat greasy pork rind knew where they were the whole time, and deliberately kept me away from my cousins. He could have asked me to come with him for a visit. He could have told them how to get in touch with me. He did nothing!!
From April 1991 to August 2, 1992, I used heroin. A fifteen month period which ended forever in August 1992. My stupid, delusional excuse for a brother still freaking thought I was on it in 2015!! One of the reasons he cited for not wanting to stay in touch was my "heroin addiction". OMG. OMG. I didn't correct him. F--- him. I saw that he was an idiot. Now I am so mad. He used false assumptions, conjecture, and obtuseness to keep me away from my cousins. They're my family too!!!
. I despise my brother. I am so mad. I wish I could sue him for slander and pain and suffering. I would do it!!!. My bro is a deceitful, plotting, POS, fat greasy bastard. I despise you Michael, you skink. I hope everything you do comes back to you.
I'm growing very impatient with life and people. I feel like I'm going to explode.

Last edited by AleeGee; 08-09-2017 at 08:11 AM..
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:31 AM
 
Location: I live in Bellevue, Wa, in Crossroads
964 posts, read 249,492 times
Reputation: 1098
So I read some verse, and I feel better. I know we have to forgive even when we are trespassed. I can't let my hurt swallow me. Forgiveness physically hurts. That must mean it's working.
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
Reputation: 27757
Forget that. I put up with my sociopathic, self absorbed brother for years. Mom had always wanted us to keep in touch. Thing is, she couldn't stand him.

The last time we spoke, he tried to explain his indifference and lack of help for my elderly, ill mom. He lived near her and I lived 3 hours away.

...but I was an abused child! I reminded him that we'd grown up in the same house.

We don't have to love or even like our siblings. Sometimes they're not worth the effort. I always got along with my eldest brother, keep in touch with my sister. She's a gem.

I kicked my malignant dwarf of a brother to the curb about 4 years ago, and I don't regret it. I only remember how long it's been because that's when mom died.

So there! You're not the only one who grew up in a dysfunctional family. You see us every day. We don't wear it on our sleeve. Maybe there should be a "my parent told me they wished I'd never been born" pin. Every other group has something.
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Old 08-11-2017, 07:39 AM
 
Location: 76102
3,205 posts, read 1,486,941 times
Reputation: 9581
I was never close to my brother. He moved from Texas, our home, to Montana after he married his second wife. He basically wrote off our family. He would send a letter to my mom occasionally. He was her favorite child.

When my mother's health declined, I was called on to be caregiver. He remained her favorite until her passing eight years ago.

I always resented him for putting me in the place of caring for her 100%. He, of course, had his hand out quickly for his half of her meager savings. I took a check to him about a week after Mom was cremated. He did not want any of her handmade quilts or other belongings. I sold Mom's burial plot as she had changed her mind and wanted cremation-I had the funeral home send the check to my brother as he needed the money. No thank you or go to hell from him. Oh well.

He passed away about six months ago. He wife, who was always cold and distant to me, told me about it. Her sister actually messaged me of Facebook and told me to call her. She was very cavalier about it all and just wanted me to know. I was never informed of any sort of memorial service or wake. He wanted to be cremated and that was the end.

I did drive from Seattle to Montana three years ago before I moved to Texas, to visit with him. We all went out for dinner at a local diner and had a pleasant time. I figured it might be the last time I saw him.

I was always the one to send Christmas gifts, reach out, etc. Never from him or his wife. I really feel sorry for him, the choices he made and how he turned his back on all of us.
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Old 09-30-2017, 12:44 PM
 
Location: I live in Bellevue, Wa, in Crossroads
964 posts, read 249,492 times
Reputation: 1098
Thank you wonderful beautiful people. Wow, thank you for posting, it... Thank you, I'm in your debt for being so understanding and sharing.
My brother makes me cry at 55 years old because he stole family and he even has all my mom's and stepdads ashes and won't give me enough to make a necklace. For some reason it's really bothering me lately(mortality I would imagine). Can I take him to court to get some ashes?
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Old 09-30-2017, 03:22 PM
 
4,841 posts, read 2,145,909 times
Reputation: 12319
sorry to read of this erratic behavior that has been on going for years.

Get some help for yourself. I sincerely mean this in an encouraging way....The medical side along with the emotional contempt needs to be placed into remission.
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Old 09-30-2017, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,428 posts, read 2,253,741 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by AleeGee View Post
Thank you wonderful beautiful people. Wow, thank you for posting, it... Thank you, I'm in your debt for being so understanding and sharing.
My brother makes me cry at 55 years old because he stole family and he even has all my mom's and stepdads ashes and won't give me enough to make a necklace. For some reason it's really bothering me lately(mortality I would imagine). Can I take him to court to get some ashes?
Oh dear how awful of him. I willingly shared some of my husbands ashes with his sister. That is as soon as I could muster up the courage to open the box and get them out and put them in the little vial I got for them for her. I told her it might take me a bit of time. I know sounds silly but it was more mentally hard for me. Especially considering I had buried ashes and divided ashes for many other families when we worked at the cemetery. when it is your very own husband the love of my life it was hard. I finally managed it. with few of his things I knew she would enjoy having.

So mean of him not to share as it appears now it has been a little bit now.

I also cut my adoptive brother off about 20 years before he died. He was not a nice person and also did things to me your brother is doing to you now. I will tell you I was devastated by him over and over and finally just had to cut him off to keep my own sanity. I actually forget exactly when he died. I know I received paper work from his girlfriends attorney stating I was NOT in his estate. Well I was expecting nothing. I just say to myself Last Man standing WINS. In this case I am the last woman standing. I am over the pain my father and brother and mother caused me. I had to let it go and now I am better off for it. It was tough in the beginning because it was so painful. You wonder how some one can be so mean to another person. Apparently it happens so much. Very sad. Hugs to you and I hope your heart will heal very soon.
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Old 10-04-2017, 12:26 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
Reputation: 27757
I've always wondered how they could be so mean. They're not like us. They don't show up, help, or do what needs to be done.

I have no use for them. Really, just my brother.

My son recently (last year) completely gave up on his aunt. His father's only sister. Her house was mistaken for a drug house down the road, and her windows were shot out. Holes in her vinyl siding. The whole nine yards.

He wanted to go there and protect her, fix things, cook dinner, whatever. She told him to not bother. The neighbors were taking care of all of that. It was a slap in the face. He told me that he never needs to speak to her again. Perhaps he never will.
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