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Old 11-01-2017, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,876 posts, read 51,428,878 times
Reputation: 27798

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"Tonight, her husband called to say she has taken a turn for the worse. Her daughter is flying in tomorrow from TX, and her other two children are in the same town.."

That generally means death is imminent. If so, your support will be needed and welcomed. You go, you ask how you can be of help, you listen and act accordingly.

I'm going out on a limb here. You and the husband are the adults. (Adults as in the older generation.) He will need support from an adult. The children will tend to bond together to get through this.

Your presence as a reserved and caring family member will be important. If you have information that will need to go into an obit, gather it and have it ready. If you have stories from her life as a child or young adult that paint her well, have them ready. They will be needed.

You will have your own grief to handle. It will be easier if you have helped others with theirs.

I wish you peace.
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Old 11-01-2017, 11:55 PM
 
3,967 posts, read 5,260,111 times
Reputation: 4554
When my husband died, my sister was there with me on the last day and a few days after. It was a great comfort. My son was there too, and I don't mean to minimize his importance, but I think my sister understood more completely what it was to love your husband, even though hers is still alive. She was a source of strength. I do think you could be a similar sort of strength to your sister's husband, even though you have your own grieving.
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Old 11-02-2017, 12:45 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,686 posts, read 42,839,747 times
Reputation: 57402
Thanks everyone. The “children” are in their 40s, so it isn’t as though they cannot give their father the support he needs. I guess I will do whatever the husband wants....too soon to tell.

I’d rather not go into the emotional whirlwind, and just go to the funeral with my husband to support me.
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Old 11-02-2017, 01:48 PM
 
4,887 posts, read 2,167,708 times
Reputation: 12436
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I have tickets to visit my sister on the 8th. I thought, although she is very weak, we could just have quiet time together, and I could help her husband take care of her.

Tonight, her husband called to say she has taken a turn for the worse. Her daughter is flying in tomorrow from TX, and her other two children are in the same town.. If she is still alive next week, Iím thinking that I will not go. I donít want to intrude on the immediate family, but Iím not sure this is the right thing or not. I guess Iíll wait a few more days to decide.
Trust in this when I say.....you are family and its often welcomed when the sister comes to visit.

Gosh, when my uncles would come visit my mom...she would joke and say...well two of the three stooges were here today! It gave her a smile....and left me to feel somewhat at ease....
Bring some ease to this family.....they would welcome it as would she...
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Old 11-03-2017, 12:51 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,686 posts, read 42,839,747 times
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Unfortunately, my sister died at home this morning, before I could go. It is a blessing that she didn’t linger, and wasn’t in pain. It hasn’t quite sunken in yet.
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Old 11-03-2017, 09:02 PM
 
3,967 posts, read 5,260,111 times
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So sorry about your sister. I have not experienced the loss of a sister. I have two, and am very close to them. I know you are grieving tonight, and I wish you peace.
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Old 11-04-2017, 06:50 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,686 posts, read 42,839,747 times
Reputation: 57402
Thank you grasshopper.
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Old 11-04-2017, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Austin
11,067 posts, read 6,241,052 times
Reputation: 11952
When an elderly family member was terminal and in the hospital, I left my life and flew to her hospital room to make sure her final wishes were observed by the medical staff and other family members. She had told me numerous times during the preceding months that she wanted no end of life saving medical procedures and had a DNR in place.

She couldn't talk that last trip to the hospital when I saw her, but when I was in her room I whispered in her ear that I was here and would make sure her wishes were carried out. She squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

Standing firm was difficult as some family members wanted these procedures and the medical staff pressured me to agree to some grotesque options to extend her life. I stood firm and she died peacefully. Doing what SHE wanted was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do as family can be selfish in not wanting to let loved ones go.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give a loved one is not what we say to a terminally ill person, but respecting their final wishes.

My sympathy for your loss, gentlearts.

Last edited by texan2yankee; 11-04-2017 at 07:53 AM..
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Old 11-04-2017, 07:49 AM
 
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,926,877 times
Reputation: 14822
Gentlearts, my prayers are going out for you and your family! As you already know, I am sure, my sister has myasthenia gravis with many complications. We nearly lost her 3 times a few years ago. I live 2,500 miles from her but I keep in close contact on the phone. We no longer talk much about illness but she loves to talk about her dog so I basically just listen. A good ear is always a help! You do quite well with advise for others so I am sure you will find what works well for you and your sister. I have always appreciated your opinion and you have helped me in many ways through my grief.
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Old 11-04-2017, 08:30 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,686 posts, read 42,839,747 times
Reputation: 57402
Thank you Cyn. She died yesterday, and I don’t think it has sunken it yet. Since we live far apart, it’s as though I can still pretend, you know? I have a mixture of anger, since she was only 67, and fear, because her cancer came back after 10 years and it will be 10 years for me next year. Also, regret that we always lived so far apart.

But, as you well know, life goes on.
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