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Old 09-11-2017, 09:53 AM
Location: USA
1,282 posts, read 327,808 times
Reputation: 1166


Originally Posted by Charlotteborn View Post

I remember the weeks after she died. I would be at work, grocery shopping, etc. and I just wanted to scream "how are you people laughing and going about your everyday lives - MY MOTHER JUST DIED!!!!".

I lost my mom a few weeks ago. I experience the above a lot!
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Old 09-11-2017, 06:42 PM
4,856 posts, read 1,364,119 times
Reputation: 4827
You don't mention your gender, but I'm guessing that you're the daughter - and it sounds like you were a good one.

Yes, that's totally normal. Grieving goes at its own pace, along with depression and inertia. Gradually it lightens a little. You're probably even crying a little less now than you were two weeks ago.

I can't advise you about heaven, because I don't believe in it myself. The only thing I can tell you is that there is no point in worrying about the "what if." You have no control over it. There's also no point in still wondering if you did the right thing. I can tell that you faced it seriously, and made the best decision you could, and that's all we can expect of ourselves.

That's wonderful that you have supportive relatives and friends. And even if you are feeling listless, agree if they offer to come over to see you, or invite you out. That's what helps to keep you stable. And remember that your mother wanted your happiness, so at some point, months down the line, you can start to think about gradually getting past your grief and making an effort to get back into the world as she would have wanted you to.
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Old 09-11-2017, 06:52 PM
Location: Springfield Mo.
2 posts, read 1,095 times
Reputation: 27
In Springfield Mo, there's a support group called "Lost and Found" on Glenstone. 417-865-9998. My Dear Wife of 27 years is slowly fading away from terminal Cancer. I've contacted this group, and they've replied, unfortunately there are no grief advisors when the loved one is still here. When she's gone, I plan to make use of their services.

Lost and Found Grief Center, Springfield MO
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Old 09-11-2017, 09:16 PM
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,739 posts, read 21,795,564 times
Reputation: 27811
Originally Posted by sand and sea View Post
Hello. So my mom passed a little over a month ago from lung cancer and there were other contributing factors like C-Deficile and a bone infection.

My mom and I were very close. Best friends actually. I knew this would happen..she's been sick for many years.

I was even prepared for the crying. What I wasn't prepared for and do not know how to handle, was this flat almost dead feeling I have in my heart..like nothing matters. I find myself unable to do the things I loved for so long..like reading..I used to read 3-5 books a week. I have not read much at all since she passed. My concentration's off. I used to do volunteer political work and cannot even muster any energy to do that. I do see my friends and they are wonderful. But the ache inside is with me 24 hours a day seven days a week.

What I want to know: does it ever pass? Has this happened to anyone else? Will I ever get the desire to read back? I belong to 2 book clubs and our meetings are coming up and I cannot make it through the books.

All I want to do is talk to her. Many have said I will someday see her in heaven. I WANT to believe..there is so much evidence that supports that..but this little voice says to me: what if everyone is wrong?

My mom was always my advocate and I promised to be hers. At the end she was in pain and the doctor flat out said he would not put her on life support. We chose to put her in hospice rather then keep the oxygen mask on her because they said she was suffering. There was fluid in her lungs and it kept coming back.

Still I wonder if we did the right thing. At one time she did say she'd want to live no matter what but she wasn't that sick when she said that. And she was suffering so.

I hope this is the right place to post this. I keep waiting to dream of her but has happened only once so far. Also waiting for signs. And part of me is angry at her because she continued smoking after the diagnosis and I could not stop her or save her.

My family and friends have been wonderful. But this flat unmotivated feeling of being completely cut off..please tell me that fades.

I am appreciative of any advice or comments you have.
This is the right place to post this. It may take longer than you hope, but it does pass.

My brother and especially my sisters kept asking me questions...on, and on and on when mom was in hospice care. Why me? I was the youngest.

Mom knew what she was doing. I'm pretty quiet, but have a strong back. She had all of the paperwork--DNR, etc, etc. The doctor reminded me of this. She and I hung tough. Mom and I and the doctor and me. Doc saved me from the sibling's endless questions.

I still can't figure out why my sister, the born again, was asking and questioning me about mom's death. It completely stinks, and then you're sad. Anything else?
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Old 09-12-2017, 01:57 PM
65 posts, read 27,034 times
Reputation: 46
Thank you all for the replies. It is very much appreciated. It's so hard but boards like this make it better.
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