U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 09-16-2017, 12:21 AM
 
Location: El paso,tx
1,487 posts, read 572,187 times
Reputation: 2307

Advertisements

The books "we are not forgotten", and "we don't die" helped me and my mom a lot. Basically an investigayI've reporter tried to prove that psychic George Anderson was a fraud by following him around for a year. His experiences convinced him without a doubt that souls go on and retain memories of their life here. He ended up being one of FA's biggest supporters. The book offers insight into the reason people are here and why they die, and gives people hope and comfort.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-24-2017, 12:58 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
15,812 posts, read 4,930,121 times
Reputation: 48027
I, too, can relate to how the OP is feeling but was reluctant to post here because the man who meant so much to me was married, as am I. Jeff and I were online friends for 10 years. We never met in person because he lived in South Wales and I in San Francisco, but we had a very strong emotional connection from the beginning. We messaged each other several times daily, supported each other through good and bad times and shared a lot of confidences and a lot of laughs. He was really my best friend.

Although both of us were in long-term sexless marriages (not by choice), Jeff and I never had any intention of leaving our spouses. Instead we had an agreement that if both of us were ever free, we would meet and marry. He believed with all his heart that we were meant to be together forever and that it would happen some day.

Last September I suddenly stopped hearing from Jeff with no hint that anything was out of the ordinary. I felt lost without his daily messages of encouragement and support. When I finally learned of his death, I was devastated and barely able to function. But since our relationship was secret, I had no one to help ease my grief. It was agonizing. The only way I could have a good cry was to drive someplace where I could be alone after dark, sit in the car and weep. My husband noticed that I wasn't myself, but he accepted my explanation that I was just tired.

Eventually I told my story to a close friend who is a retired psychologist, and she was really wonderful. It helps to talk to someone who is sympathetic and non-judgmental. When I told my friend how guilty I felt about loving another man, she gently reminded me that there is a lot missing in my marriage, and that there are many different kinds of love.

Ever since Jeff died, I've spent a lot of time lurking in the Grief and Mourning forum looking for ways to cope with the pain of my loss. But because of the "affair" angle, I didn't dare share my story here. Like the OP, I thought that the online moralists would crucify me. Still, it was helpful to read the personal stories that people have shared here and the kind, supportive responses to them. You've helped more than you'll ever know, and I thank you all for that.

I would recommend that the OP seek out a mental health professional to work through his feelings rather than bottling them up. And I can also testify that time does ease the pain eventually and that the day will come when you will be able to remember your lost loved one with a smile.

Last edited by Bayarea4; 09-24-2017 at 01:11 AM.. Reason: clarity
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2017, 07:26 PM
 
18,773 posts, read 6,129,215 times
Reputation: 12658
Bayarea: That is some story. I'll be those 10 yrs added a lot of pleasure to your life.

I had a bf and we lived together and I really loved him but he wanted marriage and I didn't...so he had to move on and went back to MN where he found a woman and got married. We kept in touch while he was married, for a short time anyway, but realized it was NOT the wise thing to do. I think of him often and hope he's good.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 02:38 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
15,812 posts, read 4,930,121 times
Reputation: 48027
To the anonymous person who left me a kind rep comment, thank you so much for sharing. It means a lot to me to know that I'm not alone. It's true that there are a lot of mean, judgmental people online, but that only makes the good people like you even more special. Sending you virtual hugs.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2017, 02:49 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,790,060 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annino View Post
Someone who meant a lot to me just passed away. We had an affair many years ago. I stayed married, she didn't. Through the years we talked occasionally, even though I knew I should not have continued communicating. We always had a special connection, just did not end up as a couple. I was told of her passing, and my wife had little to say about it. I am mourning her passing, yet cannot discuss any of it with the person I live with. I have spoken to several mutual friends about this woman, but I am not really able to have a heartfelt conversation at home. I do not have any friends who live near me who knew this woman, or who know of our past.

I don't expect my wife to shed any tears, but holding all this in is really affecting me. I guess I need a good cry, but cannot really allow myself that either. I am not sure what anyone can say that will help, but I guess I just needed to express my thoughts.
Seek the ear of a therapist, trusted Preacher, trusted Priest or write everything down you are feeling, have your cry, mourn your loss then burn what you wrote.
If you need to take a drive to the river, lake, park, or anywhere else you can be alone for an hour or two.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top