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I got to tell you my last love story was not quite as romantic as yours.Well it was the meaning and love was there but the setting well........... About an hour and a half before he died he asked me to bathe him like a sponge bath. He could not handle any more that that.. The problem is he also had to pee and did not feel he could manage that then a bath. So being the practical couple we always were I sat him on the toilet and while he peed I hurried up and bathed his top half. I had already drawn up the hot water in the sink right beside the toilet. I had wash cloth and towel ready. While I was doing this for him he was thanking me for taking such good care of him and how he loved me. I never dreamed he would be gone so soon after. Of course I told him I loved him and would take care of him forever and ever. Then got him back to his recliner and told him we would do the rest after he rested a bit. I had only managed to wash his top half that go round. The hospice nurse had then come and gave him a breathing treatment which was the only one he got. She left and we were talking some more and he died. Imagine our last romantic moments were spent while he was on the toilet. Leave it to him to make me laugh even with his death.
I've read the threads here over and over and they have given me great comfort. I especially like Life alone, life beyond loss. It gives me hope.
I just want this incredible pain to end. The loneliness and heartbreak is overwhelming. I cry and cry and can't leave the house because my eyes are so swollen and then when the swelling goes down, I do the errands I have to do and then I do it all over again.
How does a person adjust to such a loss? How do you go from having such a happy life to having nothing? It's cruel and I don't like it.
As you have said, it is an adjustment, but you don't get over it really. But I get wanting the pain to end. Everyone's time line is different, but I know that grief is something you just have to get through. I think sometimes about the ladies I know at my church who have been widows for years. They have productive, good lives. I'm sure they still miss their husbands, but there they are, giving to others, being busy and being grateful for the lives they have had. So, I kept thinking, if they can do it, so can I. But its not easy. Remember that there are ups and downs in grieving. I can have many days when I am pretty much OK, then a couple (or more) when I suddenly feel so sad again. I know there are triggers for that sort of thing, but sometimes we never figure them out. We just know we are terrifically sad and hurting. Have faith that this will ease up and that something will lift your soul. We all know these low times happen, but just have to hold onto the hope that it will be better again. Do you have a church? Do you have someone to talk to about your loss? It can help so much.
I have had a relative tell me that we were only together 12 years so why am I taking this so hard. She says that she has been with her husband 49 years but all she does is complain about him. Yes, I only had 12 years but I cherished every day and I loved him so much that a grilled cheese and a bowl of tomato soup doesn't seem to give such a wonderful man the final send off but that is what he wanted.
Oh God, how do you get past this pain?
You will get past it when you begin to rejoice in those wonderful moments that you had and think that if you had not met him in the first place those special moments would never have happened. We don't mourn what we lost, but rather celebrate what we had. It is difficult but a point of view change does help.
Such a sweet story. How lucky you were to have found a true love, and your last time together was filled with love. You'll see each other again. But he is around you now, even if you can't see him. And from what you've said of him, he would want you to be happy, and in the afterlife he is cheering your victories, and virtually giving you hugs of support when you need them.
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