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Old 09-14-2017, 12:32 AM
 
163 posts, read 268,091 times
Reputation: 147

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Saturday September 9th, 2017. I awoke at 715am to find my wife cold and unresponsive laying in bed next time me. I had only been asleep 40 minutes when I had a strange urge to get up. I immediately called 911 and started cpr. I was on my 3rd set of chest compressions when I had the first officer arrive. At this point massive amounts of blood start rolling out of her nose during chest compressions. The officer immediately has his ventilation bag out helping me with cpr. Over the next few minutes several first responders show up and take over on compressions for me so I can get my 2 kids that awoke during the commotion out of the room. Ambulance arrives immediately have their AED out a few more minutes pass and she is loaded on the stretcher and headed out the door they go.


At this point I hope in the 1st arriving officers cruiser and we jet to the hospital. I arrive at the hospital and have the news she didn't make it. Which I pretty much already new when there was no response with the AED. She was pronounced dead at 743am 9-9-17. Gone but not forgotten. I love you Nicole



Anyone with any advice she was 38. I am 34. Been married 11 years we have 4 children ages 6, 9, 13, 16. Can anyone help point me to some good material to help us in our time of need. Especially considering the 9yr old woke up to the commotion and I yelled at him to go hide on the covers of his bed. The 16yr old came into the room right as the 1st officer arrived so she witnessed it all including all the blood. Not only are my struggling emotionally we had nothing saved and she had no insurance and we don't even know if we can bury her since they are requiring the full amount of the plot $850 and digging charge $350 paid in full. Before they even open the ground. They also want half down of the $5400 funeral charges. Are there any resources that help in these times of need since her go fund me has only raised $110.

I should of put this in the original post but we have asked family and everyone we know I even reached out to our lds ward and haven't gotten much help
Thank you everyone that reads this

Last edited by Johnson15; 09-14-2017 at 01:09 AM..
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:54 AM
 
93 posts, read 40,689 times
Reputation: 122
I am so sorry for your loss and the terrible circumstances. My heart goes out to you and your family.


In terms of the emotional welfare of yourself and your kids, I would recommend find a local grief group in your area.

Visit https://www.griefshare.org/findagroup


In terms of handling costs and finances, I would recommend seeking the counsel of a trusted attorney (or if you know anyone who went to law school and could offer you some free advice.)

Also,

Review low-cost burial options

Cremating someone is usually less expensive than burying the individual in a casket or vault. If your state doesn’t require embalming the body, consider a “green burial” where you don’t have to pay for a vault, headstone or expensive caskets. You can also shop around to find an affordable casket online.

Ask other family members to chip in
You may not have to shoulder the responsibility of paying for the burial all by yourself. Consider asking family members to pitch in and help with the costs. Be specific and candid with relatives about how much the funeral costs; ask everyone involved how much they can reasonably contribute; and put together a cost sheet or budget to help you keep track of all of expenses.

Talk to your county coroner’s office
If you simply can’t come up with the money to pay for cremation or burial costs, you can sign a release form with your county coroner’s office that says you can’t afford to bury the family member. If you sign the release, the county and state will pitch in to either bury or cremate the body. The county may also offer you the option to claim the ashes for a fee. But if these also go unclaimed, they will bury the ashes in a common grave alongside other unclaimed ashes.


You may also find these articles helpful...


Financial Guide: DEATH OF A SPOUSE: Financial Steps You Should Take

A To-Do List for the Surviving Spouse

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.u...r-partner-dies

https://www.aol.com/2011/02/14/death...ed-one-passes/


If you are religious, you may also be able to receive some help/guidance from your local parish or clergy.

I hope you might find some of this information helpful.

Again, my deepest condolences to you and your children, and I wish you the very, very best.
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Old 09-14-2017, 01:07 AM
 
163 posts, read 268,091 times
Reputation: 147
Thank you. I should of put this in the original post but we have asked family and everyone we know I even reached out to our lds ward and haven't gotten much help
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Old 09-15-2017, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,929 posts, read 24,062,349 times
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I am so very sorry for your loss and for your children's loss of their mom.

I even reached out to our lds ward What is this??

Go back to funeral home and cut way back on what services you have chosen. Are they aware of your financials? They may be able to offer where you can seek help, I'm sure this is not the first time they have dealt with a family with no insurance

Do you own your home? Talk to bank ask about small equity loan.
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Old 09-15-2017, 11:00 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,830,509 times
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OP: There is usually grief counseling available and that would be a good place to start for you and your children.
Cremation may be the besst option at this time if it is not against your beliefs.
You say you have been married 11 years but you have 2 children age 16 and 13, are those children your biological children or legally adopted or legally your children? If not do you have a legal plan in place for them?


Mr. CSD and I wish you and your children all the best in this time of loss and sorrow.
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Old 09-15-2017, 05:24 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,251,370 times
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I have heard that GoFundMe can help sometimes with things like this, but I don't know anything about how to do that.

I am so sorry about your traumatic loss.
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Old 09-16-2017, 02:44 AM
 
163 posts, read 268,091 times
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Thank you for the response. LDS ward is the Mormon church of ladder day saints. The service price is the pair minimum package offered. Cremation would only be around 1500 cheaper. No we don't own our house. The 2 oldest are my biological children but by state law they have the choice they can stay with me due to there age. We have set up a go fund me but it hasn't received much yet.


Sorry tried to answer all questions in 1 post
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Old 09-18-2017, 07:16 PM
 
Location: New York Area
13,426 posts, read 5,216,814 times
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I had something like that happen to me when I was 15 (link to other post). While we weren't quite as bereft of resources we went the cremation roiute. Another possibility for money is GoFundMe.
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Old 09-18-2017, 09:59 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,251,370 times
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I hope at this point some solutions are developing. I know that in a situation like this, there is really not that much time to grieve, as you are trying to make arrangements and trying to just get your family through this. That is totally valid. I hope that at some point you will have things settled enough that you can take time to talk with your family about your wife, all the experiences you had, how much you appreciated things, etc. Grieving together and separately is very necessary. You might talk to your children's pediatrician about grief counseling for them. They have been through something really traumatic. So have you. The advice I usually give to those with new losses is to take care of yourself - eat well, get enough sleep, take walks, be good to yourself, and be patient with grieving. It is so terribly painful. Know that it will get better, but we all have to go through some rough times. With your children, your concerns are multiplied. I hope you have lots of support.

Blessings on you all.
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Old 09-25-2017, 06:07 PM
 
632 posts, read 629,732 times
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Sorry for you loss. 38 years of age is very young for a person to die of natural causes. Did she have a pre-existing medical condition? Was an autopsy performed on her by the coroner? Were drugs part of her life that may have led to her death?
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