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Old 09-15-2017, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Peru, Maine
282 posts, read 226,239 times
Reputation: 317

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Hi Group,


I just lost my dear Wife Eileen, of 27 years of marriage, plus the additional 10 years of just knowing her, and dating, six months ago, March 29th.


I'm no where near ready yet to start dating/ searching for another Mate in my Life, but I do know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my Life.


Heck, I don't even know/remember HOW to 'Date' someone, if you know what I mean.


So, please, what is everyone's thoughts on this?




Thanks to all, in advance.




CTwoodnutt
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Old 09-15-2017, 07:17 PM
 
973 posts, read 675,977 times
Reputation: 1793
The simple answer is, whenever you feel you are ready. Some never remarry. Some are dating months later. There is no right time. Of course your n laws family won't feel the same way but That wouldn't let that stop you.
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Old 09-15-2017, 07:26 PM
 
6,844 posts, read 2,652,535 times
Reputation: 18453
Yes. When you feel ready.

Interestingly, very happily married men who have a wife die are very likely to want to find a new partner. Their experience with marriage was good, and they are open to repeating it.

I'm sorry for your loss, and wish you the best in finding a new partner.
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Old 09-15-2017, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,769 posts, read 21,823,917 times
Reputation: 27840
What they said. I've never seriously looked for anyone. I've never signed up for a dating service. It's...not me.

I did meet someone I really liked a few years after my husband died, but there was too much going on in our lives and around us. It wasn't going to work.
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Old 09-16-2017, 02:19 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 5,258,618 times
Reputation: 4554
If you go back and search, there are other threads that discuss this. Men seem to remarry more quickly than women, but I have heard about men who commit to another too soon, and have problems. My concern about remarriage (I am a woman) is having expectations of a new person to be like the husband I loved and lost. That's not fair to either person. So if you are trying to replace your wife rather than finding a completely unique, new person, that seems problematic to me. My dad died when my mom was 57. She remarried about 2 years later, but was really looking to replace. She kept talking about how she had met this man who was "just like your dad." Well, she did marry him, but it ended in a painful divorce. Neither of them were looking at the real person, but were trying to find their lost spouse in someone else.

But as for timing, there is really no standard. Whenever you are ready and it feels right.
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Old 09-17-2017, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,586 posts, read 4,799,613 times
Reputation: 16511
After being alone for awhile you may find you like it. That's the case with most people I know.
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Old 09-17-2017, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,988 posts, read 6,744,860 times
Reputation: 10730
In my case it was a year. I knew I did not want to remarry then I realized I did not want a full time relationship either. The main reason being is I do not want to be responsible for anyone else. My wife was ill with cancer and I willing took care of her but I cannot and will not do that for anyone else.

I opted to go the FWB route. She is a young single mother with two young children (5 and 6). We see each other on the average of one a week. We realize it will not work long term for us do to a major age difference between us but for now, it works very well for the both of us. I expect I will lose her to a younger guy who she will have a future with. It has been going on a year now and until something changes, I just enjoy it.

In fact I am out of here shortly to pick her up for breakfast and an afternoon date. The kids are at her mom's for the day.
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Old 09-18-2017, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,089 posts, read 6,639,976 times
Reputation: 7143
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
After being alone for awhile you may find you like it. That's the case with most people I know.
I agree here. I have known 6 people who lost their spouses at least 5 years ago or more. Three are men and three are women and none have remarried, nor have any interest to. They actually embrace living alone and don't mind it. There are advantages to living alone, though I realize it would be a nightmare for many people, who are social and miss the companionship.
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Old 09-18-2017, 03:01 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,680 posts, read 42,823,353 times
Reputation: 57392
Our neighbor has been widowed 3 times. He's 81. He just married again to a 60 year old. The poor guy lost all the other wives to cancer. He was lonely.

He met this lady at a bereavement group, did not date her until a year after his wife died, and they got married a year after that. That's a decent interval, especially when you are 80.

I'm sure they know he'll die long before she will, but he's very fit for an old guy and they seem very contented.
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Old 09-18-2017, 07:38 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
20,844 posts, read 37,540,192 times
Reputation: 20908
Often 1 yr +.

Don't rush it or permit others to rush you. I know several widowed men (including FIL) who made very poor choices with innocent gold diggers who made them miserable and broke.

There are also many great success stories. Each of us will be different. Wait till you are ready, and it is right. Purpose to find friends and enjoy them.

I never dated, nor will I. Neither did my kids or spouse. There are much richer / genuine ways to find and grow relationships. Dating is not one of them. But it is the path most take
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