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Old 09-21-2017, 10:00 AM
 
3,287 posts, read 4,942,139 times
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When my sister died from her alcoholism, her grown kids held an "estate" sale at her apartment. When anybody asked "how much for this?", they were told it was free. They were then told the circumstances of my sister's death and told that if they wished to make a donation to AA, it would be most welcome. Many did donate before happily carrying away their free item.

The kids felt great about it and it quickly cleared out the apartment. Anything left was donated or trashed.
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Old 11-08-2017, 02:34 PM
 
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I'm dealing with this now. My mom passed yesterday. I will have to declutter the apartment for my sake. Seeing her things breaks me. I will keep a small box of her things like a favorite outfit, sunglasses etc. The rest will have to go.

Rest in peace mommy.
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Old 11-08-2017, 02:37 PM
 
3,287 posts, read 4,942,139 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mariatate View Post
I'm dealing with this now. My mom passed yesterday. I will have to declutter the apartment for my sake. Seeing her things breaks me. I will keep a small box of her things like a favorite outfit, sunglasses etc. The rest will have to go.

Rest in peace mommy.
I'm so sorry, sweetie. Hugs to you.
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Old 11-08-2017, 04:44 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,611 posts, read 42,779,610 times
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My sister died last Friday. I fear her husband will become a hoarder and the things she valued will be lost in the rest. She has 3 children in the area, so hopefully, they will oversee things.
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,973 posts, read 6,728,842 times
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When my wife died, I kept a few pieces of her jewelry then gave her jewelry box to her sister and her daughter (my niece) to do with as they wish. I trashed her under garments. I gave the rest of her clothing to Goodwill.

We are facing a situation. My 99 year old Mother In Law will pass soon and her house is full, full, full of stuff. She still has her husbands clothes and he passed some 30 years ago.

I have suggested letting family go thru the house and claim/remove whatever they want. Once done, bring in a dumpster and empty the place out. Myself, I want nothing from the place.
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Old 11-20-2017, 12:35 AM
 
Location: I live in Bellevue, Wa, in Crossroads
964 posts, read 251,965 times
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Default Doing the Right Thing

Yes, give it away, throw it away, however you choose to dispose of it, just do it. Let me tell you a story.
Everytime I came in contact with or looked at items I saved of my people, I thought of them. Next moment my whole mood shifted. Next moment, I cried, and cried,and cried some more. Then, I went about my business with a heavy heart. Pretty soon,my pain could not be internalized anymore, so I started vocalizing my pain and the collective nature of my conversations and my demeanor was depressing. I started to notice people's aversion to me, and their distracted looks when we did converse.
You HAVE to let go of anything which delays the healing process for you, even valuables. I can give this advice from years of first hand knowledge that I hope I can save somebody else from learning the hard way.
Grief counseling is priority. It's the only way to release that sadness. Of course people care, but death is just a topic of discussion that unsettles people, and it generally isn't anyone's area of knowledge or experience, except a grief counselor.
Best wishes to you. Be proud of yourself for letting go. Peace be with you.
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Old 11-20-2017, 07:29 AM
 
3,287 posts, read 4,942,139 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AleeGee View Post

Grief counseling is priority. It's the only way to release that sadness. Of course people care, but death is just a topic of discussion that unsettles people, and it generally isn't anyone's area of knowledge or experience, except a grief counselor.
I think this statement does a disservice to everyone. Everyone grieves differently. Maybe you needed a counselor to help you through it, but not everybody does. in fact, I'd imagine very few need it. People have been dealing with grief for tens of thousands of years without the help of a specialized grief counselor. In fact, they didn't even exist until maybe the last 25 years.

I have lost family and friends over the years and have coped in my own way without the need for professional intervention. Loss of a loved one is part of nearly everyone's life experience and doesn't usually need specialized intervention.
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Old 11-20-2017, 09:13 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,121 posts, read 17,669,146 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mariatate View Post
I'm dealing with this now. My mom passed yesterday. I will have to declutter the apartment for my sake. Seeing her things breaks me. I will keep a small box of her things like a favorite outfit, sunglasses etc. The rest will have to go.

Rest in peace mommy.


so sorry for your loss just take a deep breath and carry on but don't forget to take a breath and say a lil prayer and keep moving .
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Old 11-20-2017, 09:20 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,121 posts, read 17,669,146 times
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Grief counseling has done nothing for me . I lost my first husband at 34 he died of electrocution . I lost a fiancé when I was 17 and he was 19 . He had leukemia and his mother knew and said nothing and asked for the ring back . At 18 I was stabbed by my sisters bf after he had killed her and left her dead on the kitchen floor . I laid there for hours waiting for someone luckily a neighbor heard me hit my foot on the floor , thank god for boots . You would also be surprised what you can hear when you listen I heard a nurse say that I was not long for this world . I am a living , walking , breathing miracle . If anyone was a candidate for grief counseling it would have been me . No thank you . You pray on it , you give it to God and you take a breath and a step and you move on and you keep moving on . Life goes on and so must we . I hope to never have so much stuff that my kids feel that it is a chore to clean it out and I intend to keep my life that way as uncluttered as possible .
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:48 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,121 posts, read 2,928,500 times
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Sometimes families fight over things that aren't even worth keeping. When my great-grandmother died in 1922 my dad's family got into a fight that caused a rift that lasts to this day. That was silly then and very unfortunate now that nobody knows who these other people are with our last name.

When my (maternal) aunt died (single, no kids) the nieces and nephews went through the house and we took mostly pictures (she was an artist) but we had to leave some furniture to be sold off because no one has a house big enough for a huge secretary desk or a full sleigh bed or glass-front display cabinet or three sewing machines. We couldn't figure out how they got the sleigh bed into the house and up the stairs -- my grandparents' bed. The basement had tools going back to the early 1900s. This was originally my grandparent's house - they bought it about 1908 so it was the "homestead" in a way. I mostly took family scrap books and family tree stuff in a steamer trunk. We were sad to lose my aunt but we were also selling the house and it was sad to see it go but nobody lives like that anymore. There were a lot of stories. I lived there until I was 5 and remember it well...especially the really cool but off-limits coal bin. I think they got someone to buy the contents for next to nothing. Somebody flipped the house and it is still going strong at almost 110 years.
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