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Old 10-12-2017, 07:19 PM
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,198 posts, read 7,492,893 times
Reputation: 17161


There is no time frame.

I am still grieving my beloved grey tuxedo from a year ago July and my beloved Siamese from 12 years ago.

I adopted immediately after both because so many animals need good homes.

First they heal your heart then they steal your heart.

My sympathies.
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Old 10-12-2017, 07:31 PM
347 posts, read 132,930 times
Reputation: 600
There is no set time for grieving. Everyone has their own timeline. We had to put our beloved dog to sleep in February. We still get shaken up when we see a dog that looks like him. So many things remind us of him as well. You will never get over it - you will just get used to it. I have a great photo of my daughter and our dog in my office that gives me comfort.
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Old 10-12-2017, 07:56 PM
85 posts, read 37,232 times
Reputation: 288
As others have said there is no normal. I lost my furboy in February, he was my heart dog and I still cry for him. For me it was the closest to losing a family member. I did get a kitten about a month ago and he is helping me heal. I did not want to get another pet right away, I had some serious grieving to do.
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Old 10-12-2017, 08:30 PM
2,718 posts, read 970,763 times
Reputation: 5181
My SIL lost both of her dogs within a month of each other - at age 18. Quite a life for shih tzus, no? She would call me and say I should be over this already, I never grieve like this. Well, you don't - until you do. Try to imagine all the things that have happened in the last 18 years of your life (or 11, in the case of the OP) and your pet was your constant companion through it all. Think of how your children have grown and changed, jobs, health, every single thing and that pet was a constant in your life, always there with you and for you. Sometimes it's just such a match, like love, and if it's two minutes or two decades, the loss is painful beyond words because you can love a million pets or a million people, but no two are ever the same and that one, special one is gone forever. And you change over that time, too, so if things rolled off easily once upon a time, maybe not this time.

When my cat goes, I know I'll need therapy and medication, if not outright hospitalization. I've had pets and I've lost pets, but this is the pet love of my life and I know I will grieve until there's just no more, however long it takes.

When you're ready, OP, and you'll know, you'll start to try to feel better. Until then, your heart is broken and it makes perfect sense to cry as much as you need to. Just tell everyone you're getting it all out and not to worry.
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Old 10-13-2017, 01:51 AM
Status: "Can kindness win?" (set 7 days ago)
Location: Here and now.
10,415 posts, read 2,826,386 times
Reputation: 11161
Originally Posted by Witchz View Post
Thank you for all your answers - at least I don't feel like I am just over emotional now.
My son is not young - he is senior in high school and he is the one who keeps saying to me "mom are you still going to cry about this- its been a few months?" That is in reference to Zeek who was 11 yrs old and was sick for a bit before but with the little one Molly who was only 7 months old I have been in shock and am just so sad. I will agree that it is probably not the same as losing a child but I used the comparison because it is so painful and I probably should not have. Both of them were mostly my babies although everyone spent some time with them just not as much as I did. I seriously cant stop thinking about Molly - as my routine had changed so much after her arrival - she was not potty trained or trained at all so she was a handful at first. My fiancé used to call her a wild animal cause she basically was - she had no rules before.

As for getting another - we have kicked the idea around. I do think that Mollys arrival helped with the loss of Zeek but am just so afraid of the thought of having to go through another loss - I just don't know.
I don't want to be unfair in my estimation of your son, so I will simply say that he has not yet experienced that sort of grief. One day he will, and then he will understand. In the meantime, I would just remember that boys that age can be insensitive, and not take his comments as any sort of standard for how you should be feeling.

I do not believe that one pet can ever "replace" another, but a new one can help fill the void. Of course, there is a risk. There always is, when one chooses to love. I have had many pets, and lost many pets. Not once has the loss made me sorry for the time we had together.
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Old 10-13-2017, 02:29 AM
Location: Calif
668 posts, read 241,866 times
Reputation: 1472
My furkids WERE my kids. Period. There is no difference between pain in losing a human vs an animal. Pain is pain. Mourning is mourning. Grief is grief. Nobody has the right to condemn anyone else that compares the two.

My dog died in July. The one before her died last october. The one before him, died 3 years ago. I still grieve for them all but this last one? I will never get over her and anyone...family member or not...that doesn't understand this part of me can stay ignorant for all I care. You can choose your friends. You cannot choose your family...unless it is a furry one. Unconditional love they give, unlike humans.

I told myself I would not get another one after she died. And I meant it. I don't want another dog. I want HER. And I will see/be with her, when its my time to cross over Rainbow Bridge. Until then, I will spoil everyone else's dogs then send them home to their own family
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:29 AM
953 posts, read 608,244 times
Reputation: 1512
Originally Posted by Witchz View Post
Not sure if this belongs here but I am wondering how much time is considered normal for grieving pets? I had to put my 11 yr old Chihuahua to sleep in June and then was watching my moms pug puppy afterwards and she got sick from vaccinations and died at 7 months old within a matter of days. I had been watching her for 3 months and had grown very attached. So now I feel so sad several times a day over the loss of both dogs - different things trigger me and I am so sad but don't want to keep bringing it up to my fiancé or son as I don't want to keep upsetting them about it. I feel like I may never get over either one of them almost like I lost a child - how to handle my grief without bringing everyone down?
I think you should talk to your fiance. It's clear that your emotions are still bothering you.
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:39 AM
5,165 posts, read 2,400,645 times
Reputation: 8198
My little dog died of congestive heart failure a little over 2 months ago & I am still grieving her loss & miss her every single day. I know it will be a long time before the pain is less intense; I thought I would have her at least another 4 or 5 years.

This is an awful loss for you, so it’s normal to feel how you do & to want to talk about it. It isn’t possible to assign an arbitrary number of days, or weeks, months or years to losing a creature that offers as much companionship & unconditional love as a dog does. I am sorry for your loss, I’m right in the same place.
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Old 10-13-2017, 08:56 AM
Location: Ft. Myers
15,686 posts, read 9,700,813 times
Reputation: 34515
Everyone is right, there is no set timetable for this. Only we pet lovers know the pain of losing a pet that has been so very much a part of our lives. I feel bad for those people who say "It isn't like losing a child". They really don't have a clue.

I still tear up when I see pictures of Scooter or Sniffy, cats that passed on a few years ago. The pain is not quite what it once was, but it still tugs at me.

You are normal..........a normal pet lover.
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Old 10-13-2017, 11:22 AM
10,608 posts, read 13,404,701 times
Reputation: 17163
How horrible. It can take a really long time. I moved to a community where there were no pets permitted to avoid falling into the trap of getting a dog prematurely.

In fact I never did!

Because after my Bulldog of 9 years died, I was delivering a bunch of dog stuff to a place with another rescue bulldog and got suckered into adopting HIM LOL. He was so grateful for the stuff and I thought OH jeeze, I can fix his skin problems so I'll take him.

Which turned into an expensive 2 year ordeal and very sad long protracted illness and death the final six months after we thought we had all his issues "fixed". The only upside was the poor guy knew some kindness before he died. He went from being panic stricken at the thought of even going outside for any reason to lounging on his own personal lounge chair out back and "helping" me by delivering the watering can and other tools to me when I was doing landscaping/gardening.

NOT doing that again! And don't fall into the trap of fostering or working at the humane society or whatnot until you are really WANTING not NEEDING a pet. Try doing things you couldn't do when you had to be a full time pet owner if possible.

Alternatively: Get a guinea pig. (not a rabbit or ferret) Seriously. They're much lower maintenance, fun, appreciative and talkative so they'll keep you busy. I had customers who's kids used to rock them in the rocking chair reading them a book LOL.

I don't suggest you keep bringing it up but you have to completely change your daily routine. Don't sit around thinking of the dogs.

I also got rid of any and all "shrines" or remembrances. I even re-arranged furniture. The ashes are in the closet somewhere.

This is what I give my clients.

Death is Nothing
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