U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-13-2017, 01:07 PM
 
Location: equator
2,628 posts, read 1,119,381 times
Reputation: 6384

Advertisements

I'm glad to read this as I still haven't gotten over losing my beloved pet over 7 years ago. We only had her a short time, but she was THAT special. We both had pets for decades that didn't affect us as much as her. She's the only one with a tomb stone....and a "memory book". Losing humans wasn't as difficult....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-13-2017, 02:20 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,490 posts, read 3,821,002 times
Reputation: 2138
Like someone else said, animals are just amazing..always there for us, unlike people. My cat that passed was with me thru some God awful times. I'm starting to cry typing this lol.

Anyway, I am happy I made room in my life for another kitty, he's wonderful, never to replace the former one, but to make room for more...he needed a home and was about to be euthanized due to do his old, heartless owners dumping him at a kill shelter. Amazes me, he's such a good cat with lots of life left in him. But that's another story
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 02:33 PM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,397,132 times
Reputation: 17163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post
I'm glad to read this as I still haven't gotten over losing my beloved pet over 7 years ago. We only had her a short time, but she was THAT special. We both had pets for decades that didn't affect us as much as her. She's the only one with a tomb stone....and a "memory book". Losing humans wasn't as difficult....
Exactly. I avoid even telling stories about my two bulldogs especially that second one. He went through so much to get healthy (tail amputation, abdominal surgery for a huge benign tumor, having to wear diapers for two months, going through a 6 month skin repair regimen...) only to get a terminal illness at the end. Megaesophagus.

It's the worse disease any dog/family can stumble into.

You almost never get over it because it's like nursing a sick person 24/7 for months or years. You have to avoid wallowing in it with intention.

And when my clients want to "share" rescue horror or death stories I'm like NO! Don't imprint that in my brain, please.

Of course, it's often different if you can happily give a home to another pet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 05:26 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,308 posts, read 15,063,243 times
Reputation: 20877
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
There is no "normal." Besides having to put Donnie in a carrier, drive us to the vet, walk up the stairs then take him into a small room and watch the vet stick the needle into his precious little paw and watch his head fall over = I'll never get over it completely. In fact , I was shocked at just how much water could continue to come from my eyes from that time to the time I left the clinic with my husband on the phone crying along with me. I absolutely soaked two tissues. I will never do that again. I'll take care of Amy some other way.
I think about Donnie every couple of days and it has been six months. I have to , I must believe in Heaven and that I'll see him again. My heart won't allow me to believe otherwise. And a "replacement" doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned.
THAT was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. In fact, I had been at my mother's deathbed about a year before and watched her take her last breath - so I thought I would be able to handle it when I had my little maltese, Casper put to sleep. But, I had a very hard time with it. I cried all the time and would relive that moment over and over - when his little body just fell over and I caught it.


My Dad got a bit peeved at me saying that I cried more over Casper than I did my Mom and my response was . . . but I didn't 'kill' my Mom!


I had that terrible guilt as well.


I finally called the Vets office after they had sent me a card and the receptionist said they could tell I was having a hard time with it. They told me that the last time I boarded my dog at their facility (a few weeks prior) they each told each other that 'please let me know if my dog ever gets like that". So that made me feel better.


I finally had to pull it together because I had a first grader to take care of and a job. We went about 5 years after that before any of us were ready for another dog.


So, I get it. I totally and completely get it.


Most dog owner/lovers understand 100%.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 05:55 PM
 
6,801 posts, read 2,636,042 times
Reputation: 18399
This is hard, and it's turned in to a very sweet thread.

I've had dogs that I've lost and they've broken my heart. Most painful was my little dog who was stolen out of my backyard by a neighbor when she moved - someone in the neighborhood did see her take him and put him in her car (thinking she was taking him in good faith) and she left the state with no forwarding address. That was very painful and it wasn't until so many years had passed that I knew for a fact he must be dead did I stop thinking about him and hoping he was being treated well.

But I have another side to this opinion. During an engagement period, that's the time each partner needs to be sizing up the other and deciding whether their partner is a really good match for them. I don't believe in "unconditional love" except in the case of a parent's relationship with their minor child.

If you honestly don't think you'll ever recover from the loss of these two dogs, I think he's right to be concerned and wouldn't blame him for that.

Have you sought grief therapy? Often grief is wrapped around something else, like the feeling of guilt (although you aren't to blame - at all - for the vaccination illness of the pug).

Last edited by ClaraC; 10-13-2017 at 06:11 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 06:09 PM
 
6,801 posts, read 2,636,042 times
Reputation: 18399
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
I'm still devastated at the loss of my Catahoula when he was just 5 years old due to a fast-moving cancer. It's been 6 months, and I feel like I've lost my mojo or something. I'm just kind of not myself.

I've always objected to people saying losing a pet is like losing a child - it's nowhere near the same. We ask things of pets that no loving parent would ask of their child - the comparison just doesn't work as far as I'm concerned. With a dog in particular, it is more akin to an amputation, in my opinion.

There are support groups for people who have lost pets - maybe one of those would be helpful to you.
I'm trying to walk gingerly here, and not offend anyone nor get into a heartless battle about whose burden is heavier.

I just want to say to you, JRZ, please don't ever say what you just said in this post to a parent who has lost a child.

Just, please don't. I mean that sincerely. You have absolutely no idea.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 08:48 PM
 
6,168 posts, read 3,260,777 times
Reputation: 12508
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchz View Post
Not sure if this belongs here but I am wondering how much time is considered normal for grieving pets? I had to put my 11 yr old Chihuahua to sleep in June and then was watching my moms pug puppy afterwards and she got sick from vaccinations and died at 7 months old within a matter of days. I had been watching her for 3 months and had grown very attached. So now I feel so sad several times a day over the loss of both dogs - different things trigger me and I am so sad but don't want to keep bringing it up to my fiancé or son as I don't want to keep upsetting them about it. I feel like I may never get over either one of them almost like I lost a child - how to handle my grief without bringing everyone down?
Losing the puppy was a big shock, I'm sure, esp after losing your senior Chihuahua.

Grieving is personal and last however long it lasts. It will get better. I personally don't think anyone totally recovers, nor should we. We hold our lost ones in our hearts forever.

I've grieved over my pets a lot longer than a few months. I got better over time.

Try not to talk about it much with others. I didn't. I cried in front of a couple of friends, and my voice cracked a couple of times. Past that, there was no point in mentioning it to others.

I found solace in some online sites for grieving over lost pets. They were SO helpful. I also kept the Rainbow Bridge poem posted on my bulletin board at work, along with a pic of my Cocker Spaniel. I liked the solace that poem gave me, and I enjoyed seeing his picture every day. I didn't cry over it, and it didn't overwhelm me with grief. It comforted me, actually. I'm not sure I believe in an afterlife, but I found solace in the thought that maybe I could see my lost pets again.

Seek out those sites. You are not being ridiculous for grieving over pets you loved. I totally get it. They were members of your family. I Loved my pets (with a capital L). Loving animals is a good thing. Grieving over loss is a good thing (unless it interferes with your life at some point).

Quote:
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 09:45 PM
 
1,335 posts, read 638,209 times
Reputation: 5760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchz View Post
Not sure if this belongs here but I am wondering how much time is considered normal for grieving pets? I had to put my 11 yr old Chihuahua to sleep in June and then was watching my moms pug puppy afterwards and she got sick from vaccinations and died at 7 months old within a matter of days. I had been watching her for 3 months and had grown very attached. So now I feel so sad several times a day over the loss of both dogs - different things trigger me and I am so sad but don't want to keep bringing it up to my fiancé or son as I don't want to keep upsetting them about it. I feel like I may never get over either one of them almost like I lost a child - how to handle my grief without bringing everyone down?
I am so sorry and can imagine how you feel. Not too long ago, we lost a kitten to veterinary negligence. We trusted them and left her in their care and they let her die. That is very difficult to deal with and I will never fully trust another vet again. If you are able, perhaps you could consider taking in a needy dog (or cat). Saving another furry companion might help you recover from your losses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-13-2017, 10:33 PM
 
15,037 posts, read 8,568,934 times
Reputation: 25053
I think we can all agree it depends on the person. There is no right or wrong amount of time.

I previously owned a beloved cat that i lost a good roommate/friend over. Since my mother was living alone (widowed for decades), I thought the cat would be good to keep her company as she always liked cats and had them around the house while I was growing up. This cat was very affectionate and would follow you around like a dog and couldn't stand to be alone. So I gave her the cat and she took care of it for eight years.

The cat was her constant companion and best friend, like a family member. But inevitably kidney failure took over and she had to take the cat to the vet to put her to sleep to end her suffering. This was over two years ago and she frequently tells me that the cat comes to her in her dreams, and how much she misses her. She in fact told me it was worse losing the cat than losing her husband.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2017, 02:43 AM
 
Location: Calif
668 posts, read 241,408 times
Reputation: 1472
I was a tad depressed tonight so I went to youtube and watched NDE (near death experiences) about people who saw their beloved furkids again. In fact, they met them as they passed over but then led them back again because it was not their time.
It soothed me...because I already know furkids go where we go when we die and we WILL see them again...but it was even better that others said the same thing.

I am not as depressed as I was earlier. It helped watching those vids.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top