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Old 10-11-2017, 06:53 PM
 
155 posts, read 77,308 times
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Not sure if this belongs here but I am wondering how much time is considered normal for grieving pets? I had to put my 11 yr old Chihuahua to sleep in June and then was watching my moms pug puppy afterwards and she got sick from vaccinations and died at 7 months old within a matter of days. I had been watching her for 3 months and had grown very attached. So now I feel so sad several times a day over the loss of both dogs - different things trigger me and I am so sad but don't want to keep bringing it up to my fiancé or son as I don't want to keep upsetting them about it. I feel like I may never get over either one of them almost like I lost a child - how to handle my grief without bringing everyone down?
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Old 10-11-2017, 08:06 PM
 
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There is no normal. I still grieve for beloved pets that have been dead for decades. I miss them very much.


Really. If your fiancé loves you, s/he'll understand. If not, you'd be better off with someone else.
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Old 10-11-2017, 09:50 PM
 
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I'm still devastated at the loss of my Catahoula when he was just 5 years old due to a fast-moving cancer. It's been 6 months, and I feel like I've lost my mojo or something. I'm just kind of not myself.

I've always objected to people saying losing a pet is like losing a child - it's nowhere near the same. We ask things of pets that no loving parent would ask of their child - the comparison just doesn't work as far as I'm concerned. With a dog in particular, it is more akin to an amputation, in my opinion.

There are support groups for people who have lost pets - maybe one of those would be helpful to you.
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Old 10-11-2017, 10:02 PM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MyNameIsBellaMia View Post
There is no normal. I still grieve for beloved pets that have been dead for decades. I miss them very much.


Really. If your fiancé loves you, s/he'll understand. If not, you'd be better off with someone else.
Yes, your fiance should be able to handle this. I would be careful with your son, however. I suppose it depends on the age, but children often feel responsible for taking care of their parents, and if you are really in a bad way about this, it could be quite a burden for a child. In addition, if your son is also grieving these pets, he has his own grief to deal with. It is a parents' responsibility to help a child with that and not to weight him down too much with your own grief. Yes, they should know that you are sad about the loss, but a child needs to know that his parent is still capable and not crippled by grief.
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:00 AM
 
901 posts, read 389,103 times
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Would a new pet be a way to turn the loss into something good?


I know ppl should not get a new pet immediately after such a loss, but maybe enough time has passed? (especially considering your son, if he is young and missing a pet also)


In my experience, when our pets have died or needed to be euthanized bc of illness, we have grieved for about 1-2 months, then our "pet lonely-ness would motivate us to call the town dog warden and ask her to keep an eye out for a new suitable dog or puppy for us. Shortly thereafter, we'd hear back from her and then we'd be spreading the love again.


Sorry for your loss and hope this helps at least a bit.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:12 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,490 posts, read 3,812,423 times
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When my cat died suddenly last year, I was so devastated beyond belief. I sobbed like i never sobbed before. Even after a few months, I would cry suddenly.

I'm still not over it completely and miss him terribly. I did get another kitty and it has eased the pain and helped me heal.
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
17,326 posts, read 3,528,493 times
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It takes you as long as it takes...

we've all been there.

Sorry about your babies...losing 2 close together must be very hard.

It does get easier at some point.



[/b]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchz View Post
Not sure if this belongs here but I am wondering how much time is considered normal for grieving pets? I had to put my 11 yr old Chihuahua to sleep in June and then was watching my moms pug puppy afterwards and she got sick from vaccinations and died at 7 months old within a matter of days. I had been watching her for 3 months and had grown very attached. So now I feel so sad several times a day over the loss of both dogs - different things trigger me and I am so sad but don't want to keep bringing it up to my fiancé or son as I don't want to keep upsetting them about it. I feel like I may never get over either one of them almost like I lost a child - how to handle my grief without bringing everyone down?
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:40 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,120 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchz View Post
Not sure if this belongs here but I am wondering how much time is considered normal for grieving pets? I had to put my 11 yr old Chihuahua to sleep in June and then was watching my moms pug puppy afterwards and she got sick from vaccinations and died at 7 months old within a matter of days. I had been watching her for 3 months and had grown very attached. So now I feel so sad several times a day over the loss of both dogs - different things trigger me and I am so sad but don't want to keep bringing it up to my fiancé or son as I don't want to keep upsetting them about it. I feel like I may never get over either one of them almost like I lost a child - how to handle my grief without bringing everyone down?
There is no "normal." Besides having to put Donnie in a carrier, drive us to the vet, walk up the stairs then take him into a small room and watch the vet stick the needle into his precious little paw and watch his head fall over = I'll never get over it completely. In fact , I was shocked at just how much water could continue to come from my eyes from that time to the time I left the clinic with my husband on the phone crying along with me. I absolutely soaked two tissues. I will never do that again. I'll take care of Amy some other way.
I think about Donnie every couple of days and it has been six months. I have to , I must believe in Heaven and that I'll see him again. My heart won't allow me to believe otherwise. And a "replacement" doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned.
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:53 PM
 
155 posts, read 77,308 times
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Thank you for all your answers - at least I don't feel like I am just over emotional now.
My son is not young - he is senior in high school and he is the one who keeps saying to me "mom are you still going to cry about this- its been a few months?" That is in reference to Zeek who was 11 yrs old and was sick for a bit before but with the little one Molly who was only 7 months old I have been in shock and am just so sad. I will agree that it is probably not the same as losing a child but I used the comparison because it is so painful and I probably should not have. Both of them were mostly my babies although everyone spent some time with them just not as much as I did. I seriously cant stop thinking about Molly - as my routine had changed so much after her arrival - she was not potty trained or trained at all so she was a handful at first. My fiancé used to call her a wild animal cause she basically was - she had no rules before.

As for getting another - we have kicked the idea around. I do think that Mollys arrival helped with the loss of Zeek but am just so afraid of the thought of having to go through another loss - I just don't know.
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:54 PM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
And a "replacement" doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned.
No, you can't replace a pet any more than you can replace a person who dies. When you get a new pet, it will be in ADDITION to your heart and to your life, not a replacement. Our hearts do have the ability to expand and bring in more love. But we need to grieve what we have lost first.
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