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Old 10-20-2017, 03:35 PM
 
16,492 posts, read 17,525,712 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by testing_waters View Post
like 10 years. if you tell someone that a relative or loved one passed that long ago, in context of a conversation and they reply with "I'm sorry", isn't that weird?

I never know what to say. it makes no sense. I often think they're just pitying me. it comes off as insincere. I have grown to hate these words so much. If people would say, "that must have been hard for you" that makes more sense. if it had only been a year or two, "I'm sorry" makes more sense. but when people say it YEARS after the fact, I can only perceive it as they're uncomfortable. I get it nearly every time I indulge in sharing the information that it has gotten to the point that in person I'm more mysterious because I just don't want to deal with it.

anyone else despise that response "I'm sorry" ?

What has been your experience with the public, not necessarily close friends or relatives who are most likely grieving with you, but with strangers, what do you think of it ?
Just say thank you and move on. Nobody is pitying you. It's a condolence type answer meant to convey sadness. I had friends and family pass away and people say I'm sorry and I simply say thank you.
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Old 10-21-2017, 12:13 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,999 posts, read 1,776,085 times
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I’ve been on both the giving & receiving end of “I’m sorry”.

When I received, I appreciated the acknowledgment & validation of my grief. When I gave, I did so out of a desire to acknowledge & validate, while being at a loss for words that felt adequate.

I guess if there were more adequate words I’d have learned them by now. In retrospect, my reaction to something said specific to the loss of a child was sort of funny & that comment was: “ I don’t know how you ever made it through something like that!”

Every time someone said that my first thought was “Wait ... I’ve made it?”

But honestly, I appreciated every attempt anyone made & hope to get similar consideration.
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Old 10-21-2017, 08:14 AM
 
Location: SF Giants Nation 2010◆2012◆2014
912 posts, read 482,696 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
People will say "I'm sorry" and IMO mean, they are sorry for your loss. I recently lost my husband and was not annoyed by anything anyone said when expressing their sympathy. More important is that they took the time to either attend the funeral, write a note, stop by and see you or phone. In other words, to show they cared about you and wanted to comfort you.
Ellwood, I am so sorry for your loss.

Serious question: was his name, by any chance, Jake? As in Jake and Ellwood?
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Old 10-22-2017, 12:06 PM
 
2,445 posts, read 1,050,580 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by echo7tango View Post
Yep, agree. People sometimes say "I'm sorry" from their awkwardness with the moment and they don't know what else to do or say. So simply reply with "Thank you" and move on.

If I say I'm sorry it has nothing to do with awkwardness but is a statement of empathy and validation. Why that should irritate someone is confusing to me, but so be it. I agree a simple "thank you" is all that is needed
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Old 10-22-2017, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Fairfax County, VA
1,387 posts, read 601,424 times
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"I'm sorry for your loss" is what the police say on TV. Sadly, they say it in real life as well. It's formulaic and risks being strained. It mostly conveys just the notion that you couldn't come up with anything better. "I'm sorry for (or I can't imagine) what you must be going through" would be a better sort of tack to take. "Your loss" is a remote and static thing. "What you must be going through" is a present and dynamic thing. Which do you think you would you be more comforted in hearing?
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Old 10-22-2017, 05:57 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 17thAndK View Post
"I'm sorry for your loss" is what the police say on TV. Sadly, they say it in real life as well. It's formulaic and risks being strained. It mostly conveys just the notion that you couldn't come up with anything better. "I'm sorry for (or I can't imagine) what you must be going through" would be a better sort of tack to take. "Your loss" is a remote and static thing. "What you must be going through" is a present and dynamic thing. Which do you think you would you be more comforted in hearing?
There is nothing anyone can say that will make the situation any better. Whether you say "your loss" or "what you must be going through" is of almost no importance to the one who is in grief. People should say what they feel. If you are sorry when I meet anyone who is in pain, you should express whatever I feel. I don't think we should be struggling for which phrase is "right." A grieving person wants to know that you care. That's all.
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Old 10-22-2017, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 17thAndK View Post
"I'm sorry for your loss" is what the police say on TV. Sadly, they say it in real life as well. It's formulaic and risks being strained. It mostly conveys just the notion that you couldn't come up with anything better. "I'm sorry for (or I can't imagine) what you must be going through" would be a better sort of tack to take. "Your loss" is a remote and static thing. "What you must be going through" is a present and dynamic thing. Which do you think you would you be more comforted in hearing?
It doesn't flippin' matter. There's a thread about people not saying or doing anything. Something is better than nothing. Most people don't say, "I'm sorry for your loss." I know that when they say that, they can't deal with the situation or don't know what to say.

It's not a test. It's not even a quiz.
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Old 10-22-2017, 09:54 PM
 
9,345 posts, read 15,792,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 17thAndK View Post
"I'm sorry for your loss" is what the police say on TV. Sadly, they say it in real life as well. It's formulaic and risks being strained. It mostly conveys just the notion that you couldn't come up with anything better. "I'm sorry for (or I can't imagine) what you must be going through" would be a better sort of tack to take. "Your loss" is a remote and static thing. "What you must be going through" is a present and dynamic thing. Which do you think you would you be more comforted in hearing?

They both convey the same message; one is not better or more comforting than the other.
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Old 10-23-2017, 08:23 AM
 
21 posts, read 5,796 times
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Sometimes people do come out with clichés - I just thank them for their kindness, and try to ignore the lack of originality.
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Old 10-23-2017, 10:18 AM
 
408 posts, read 174,703 times
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Just as long as they don't start saying"My Bad" for your loss.

Always have and always will say "I'm sorry..." Just something I was raised to saying. Everyone that I know around here says it at funerals and communications. I think it's one of the best ways to show empathy for someone's loss.
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