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Old 10-12-2017, 03:48 PM
 
Location: chicago
66 posts, read 38,247 times
Reputation: 204

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like 10 years. if you tell someone that a relative or loved one passed that long ago, in context of a conversation and they reply with "I'm sorry", isn't that weird?

I never know what to say. it makes no sense. I often think they're just pitying me. it comes off as insincere. I have grown to hate these words so much. If people would say, "that must have been hard for you" that makes more sense. if it had only been a year or two, "I'm sorry" makes more sense. but when people say it YEARS after the fact, I can only perceive it as they're uncomfortable. I get it nearly every time I indulge in sharing the information that it has gotten to the point that in person I'm more mysterious because I just don't want to deal with it.

anyone else despise that response "I'm sorry" ?

What has been your experience with the public, not necessarily close friends or relatives who are most likely grieving with you, but with strangers, what do you think of it ?
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:00 PM
 
3,963 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
Quote:
Originally Posted by testing_waters View Post
like 10 years. if you tell someone that a relative or loved one passed that long ago, in context of a conversation and they reply with "I'm sorry", isn't that weird?

I never know what to say. it makes no sense. I often think they're just pitying me. it comes off as insincere. I have grown to hate these words so much. If people would say, "that must have been hard for you" that makes more sense. if it had only been a year or two, "I'm sorry" makes more sense. but when people say it YEARS after the fact, I can only perceive it as they're uncomfortable. I get it nearly every time I indulge in sharing the information that it has gotten to the point that in person I'm more mysterious because I just don't want to deal with it.

anyone else despise that response "I'm sorry" ?

What has been your experience with the public, not necessarily close friends or relatives who are most likely grieving with you, but with strangers, what do you think of it ?
Whether you see the expression "I'm sorry" as an attempt to be sensitive or as something irritating is completely up to the way YOU frame it. Being on the receiving end, you can choose to be offended or you can just accept the attempt and go on. If you believe that people are basically good and are doing the best they can, then I would recommend just letting it go. Several days ago I mentioned, in the course of a conversation, that my mother died 5 years ago. The other person injected "I'm sorry" and I injected "thank you" and we just continued with the conversation. Things like this don't have to bother you if you make up your mind that they won't.
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Old 10-13-2017, 06:47 AM
 
Location: SF Giants Nation 2010◆2012◆2014
912 posts, read 482,217 times
Reputation: 610
Yep, agree. People sometimes say "I'm sorry" from their awkwardness with the moment and they don't know what else to do or say. So simply reply with "Thank you" and move on.
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Old 10-20-2017, 04:45 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,750,727 times
Reputation: 27757
Seriously? What's wrong with, "I'm sorry for your loss." What do you expect people to say? You're disgusted?
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Old 10-20-2017, 04:55 AM
 
5,706 posts, read 12,818,347 times
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People will say "I'm sorry" and IMO mean, they are sorry for your loss. I recently lost my husband and was not annoyed by anything anyone said when expressing their sympathy. More important is that they took the time to either attend the funeral, write a note, stop by and see you or phone. In other words, to show they cared about you and wanted to comfort you.
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Old 10-20-2017, 05:15 AM
 
4,840 posts, read 2,145,909 times
Reputation: 12314
In varying public circumstances I often 'listen' to the level of sincerity in which it is stated. When it's a glib knee jerk social response...I leave the person alone . How it's 'stated' can be the key to accepting such a comment.
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Old 10-20-2017, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,718 posts, read 59,579,994 times
Reputation: 26823
Never ever go to Canada.
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Old 10-20-2017, 10:08 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,099 posts, read 2,915,584 times
Reputation: 9418
I think it's fine. They want to express acknowledgment of your loss. People will still say that to me now, ten years after my wife died and it is OK. It was a profound and life changing event. My life has two parts -- before and after. If I respond at all (other than a nod or smile) I'll just say "thanks" and go on with the conversation. No explanation or other response is needed.
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Old 10-20-2017, 10:34 AM
 
1,359 posts, read 652,296 times
Reputation: 5936
It's just a way to acknowledge your loss, doesn't matter how long it has been.

They're being polite.
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Old 10-20-2017, 10:52 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,670,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by testing_waters View Post
I never know what to say.
You say, "Thank you," and continue the conversation.

It's not that big of a deal.
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