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Old 10-14-2017, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,888 posts, read 32,658,014 times
Reputation: 57020

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My dad died on October 29, 2016. A year ago today there was no indication, not to me anyway, that he would be gone from this world just a few weeks later. My newsfeed on FB is full of happy photos of him, and my mom, hanging out on our back patio, having a BBQ with family and enjoying the beautiful fall weather. October was my dad's second favorite month - his first favorite was November. He died in October and was buried in November. I think if he could have chosen such dates, he would have chosen exactly the dates of those actual events.

Anyway, that last photo I took of him is infinitely precious to me. I feel like God knew, though of course I didn't, that this would be "it," so in that photo, my dad has the sweetest smile, looking directly into the camera at me, with those precious hands (I have the "girl" version of them and I thank God for that) folded across his little old guy tummy - he was pretty vain and probably wouldn't have really appreciated that photo as much as I do but I'm pretty sure that from where he is now, he is more magnanimous!

I've run the full gamut of grief this year - from shock to anger to denial to acceptance - I'd tell anyone that I have processed it in a healthy manner, and I think I have.

But I've felt very close to my dad today, and honestly today is the first time in a year that I can say that I really do "feel close" to him. I refuse to tamp it down, deny the melancholy or pain, or dismiss it as inconvenient. I have the luxury of being able to embrace it, accept it, allow it to wash over me, and in doing so I realize once again that there is a lot of beauty and gratitude to grief.

A year ago I had my dad here. I'm sure I'll be more melancholy over the next few weeks as we pass more milestones - the last time we got together, the last message he left on my phone, the last words he said to me, the horrible realization on my part that my dad was truly about to die, the difficulty of sharing this with my kids, the absolute emptiness that I felt when I realized that my dad was truly gone from this world as I know it.

But I also feel comforted in a way - it's hard to explain, but what I can say is that I made it through this year, a round of holidays, his birthday, TODAY (I knew this was coming because the memories of that BBQ and family time are emblazoned into my mind and heart). I made it through and life still holds so much love and joy and peacefulness. It was always here - I just lost sight of it sometimes.

I just wanted to share that and ask that others who have lost a loved one share their "one year anniversary" (or anniversaries in general) thoughts.
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Old 10-15-2017, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,428 posts, read 2,253,113 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
My dad died on October 29, 2016. A year ago today there was no indication, not to me anyway, that he would be gone from this world just a few weeks later. My newsfeed on FB is full of happy photos of him, and my mom, hanging out on our back patio, having a BBQ with family and enjoying the beautiful fall weather. October was my dad's second favorite month - his first favorite was November. He died in October and was buried in November. I think if he could have chosen such dates, he would have chosen exactly the dates of those actual events.

Anyway, that last photo I took of him is infinitely precious to me. I feel like God knew, though of course I didn't, that this would be "it," so in that photo, my dad has the sweetest smile, looking directly into the camera at me, with those precious hands (I have the "girl" version of them and I thank God for that) folded across his little old guy tummy - he was pretty vain and probably wouldn't have really appreciated that photo as much as I do but I'm pretty sure that from where he is now, he is more magnanimous!

I've run the full gamut of grief this year - from shock to anger to denial to acceptance - I'd tell anyone that I have processed it in a healthy manner, and I think I have.

But I've felt very close to my dad today, and honestly today is the first time in a year that I can say that I really do "feel close" to him. I refuse to tamp it down, deny the melancholy or pain, or dismiss it as inconvenient. I have the luxury of being able to embrace it, accept it, allow it to wash over me, and in doing so I realize once again that there is a lot of beauty and gratitude to grief.

A year ago I had my dad here. I'm sure I'll be more melancholy over the next few weeks as we pass more milestones - the last time we got together, the last message he left on my phone, the last words he said to me, the horrible realization on my part that my dad was truly about to die, the difficulty of sharing this with my kids, the absolute emptiness that I felt when I realized that my dad was truly gone from this world as I know it.

But I also feel comforted in a way - it's hard to explain, but what I can say is that I made it through this year, a round of holidays, his birthday, TODAY (I knew this was coming because the memories of that BBQ and family time are emblazoned into my mind and heart). I made it through and life still holds so much love and joy and peacefulness. It was always here - I just lost sight of it sometimes.

I just wanted to share that and ask that others who have lost a loved one share their "one year anniversary" (or anniversaries in general) thoughts.

Hubby died a year ago August 19,th. I think I am doing ok. I do miss him but I feel like you I have handled it fairly well and feel he would be proud of me. I am doing the best I can and that is all I can do and I believe all any one could ask for. I guess to some that is not important. It is to me. HA besides I am sure one day we will meet up and I do not want him chewing on my..... well you know. No really as I am fully aware everything I do now is my own decision. I would like to think in our 31 years together we each had a good influence on each other. We were of like minds and I am sure this is why we got along so well right from the beginning. We got together later in our lives and I really think it was one of those things that was meant to be. I have now been through all the firsts and lasts. Funny you mention the photo. I just came across one I had forgotten about taken in 2013 where he was looking into my eyes like you describe your Dad. I am working on getting it printed so I can put it in a frame. It is just a photo I took with my Kindle but I remember the day. We were in his surgeons office to discuss a brutal surgery that could possibly save his life. Well it gave him a couple more years but in the end the cancer won. We had such hope that day. Fear too. He was a trooper.
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