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Old 10-27-2017, 01:52 PM
 
Location: SE Michigan
1,213 posts, read 4,199,044 times
Reputation: 669

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My boyfriend died nearly a month ago. We were very active as a couple and I faithfully posted on FB all the time.

Now I am getting those "a year ago" reminders of my postings of the 2 of us just enjoying life and building a future.

I am torn between holding my breath, rabidly looking at the pics and videos for any nanosecond of memory of him that I may have loss due to the insignificance at the time of that posting....

and falling apart inconsolably when I look at those memory postings.

I can't stop looking and searching but fall apart when I rediscover any moment or memory with him.

I find that as time goes on, I am feeling even WORST. Less in control. Almost like the numbness is wearing off and now I am just inconsolable.

and angry. Boy I am so pissed off at God and Fate, and Karma... any of that!! And I am pissed off at myself for believing that *I* could ACTUALLY have happiness in my life. What a joke that was... JOKE ON ME!

I am so tired. It is exhausting to just keep it together.. function. And I am sick of this. I want it all to end and go back to the way things were before. I AM TIRED OF THIS!!! Like being on a rollercoaster ride and it's like... "okay, I'm DONE NOW!!" Let me off!!
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Old 10-27-2017, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,601 posts, read 50,381,382 times
Reputation: 26877
I'm more and more convinced that FB is the devil's spawn. The more I learn, the more I am appalled.

"I find that as time goes on, I am feeling even WORSE. Less in control. Almost like the numbness is wearing off and now I am just inconsolable.

and angry. Boy I am so pissed off at God and Fate, and Karma... any of that!! And I am pissed off at myself for believing that *I* could ACTUALLY have happiness in my life. What a joke that was... JOKE ON ME!

I am so tired. It is exhausting to just keep it together.. function. And I am sick of this. I want it all to end and go back to the way things were before. I AM TIRED OF THIS!!! Like being on a rollercoaster ride and it's like... "okay, I'm DONE NOW!!" Let me off!!"

Most of us have been there. Some of us have been there - and then some.

It sucks. There are no two ways around it, it sucks.

I'm sorry for your pain. Know that you are held close by all of us who have had the experience.
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Old 10-28-2017, 11:41 AM
 
3,880 posts, read 5,148,809 times
Reputation: 4462
A month is so early. It is understandable that you feel worse now, as the numbness has worn off. I can identify with all the feelings you express. It is a time that you just have to go through, however. If you have friends or family to talk to, do that. Sometimes it helps a bit. But the pain is just going to be with you.

I'm sorry that you have lost someone very dear to you. Many of us have experienced that. As Harry says, it sucks. I hope that you find bits of hope in your grief. Although you will never "get over it," there is life after loss.
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