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Old 11-03-2017, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Phoenix-Valley of the Sun
2,461 posts, read 1,200,617 times
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I have a friend who lost someone very important in his family but I have no idea what to give him or the family.

He's a teenager "masculine" male so I wouldn't feel "right" sending him flowers but I'm just stuck. Maybe just a card or something?
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Old 11-03-2017, 11:46 PM
 
Location: Calif
668 posts, read 240,259 times
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A card would suffice.
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Old 11-03-2017, 11:47 PM
 
Location: Calif
668 posts, read 240,259 times
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Or..to the whole family...maybe a tree or some kind of hardy plant? As it grows, it represents the love of the one that died.
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Old 11-04-2017, 12:05 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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People seldom give gifts upon the death of someone. As mentioned, a card is fine. But any gift should be a commemoration. You might give to a charity that the person favored, in that person's name. Planting a tree might be nice. I know someone who bought a park bench to put in a place that the person loved to visit, with a plaque on it. Gift giving at this time is a delicate thing. If there is something that is just right, it is OK. Otherwise, a card, a visit, and heart felt condolences are best.
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Old 11-07-2017, 12:11 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,693 posts, read 21,741,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GracieKarm View Post
Or..to the whole family...maybe a tree or some kind of hardy plant? As it grows, it represents the love of the one that died.
I like the tree thee thing, or just come over here and clean my bathroom.

After a serious loss, no one is functioning properly.

Clean out the refrigerator, buy some food, do a load of wash.
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Old 11-07-2017, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,839 posts, read 51,286,023 times
Reputation: 27642
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49erfan916 View Post
I have a friend who lost someone very important in his family but I have no idea what to give him or the family.

He's a teenager "masculine" male so I wouldn't feel "right" sending him flowers but I'm just stuck. Maybe just a card or something?
I'm going to come right out and say that a "gift" that is an object is inappropriate and in poor taste. Gifts are meant to convey moments of joy. They are not a substitute for caring or empathizing and if I saw any business attempting to monetize death by promoting the idea of gifts I would personally drive to spit on the owner's grave.

There is shock after a death, and for generations people have known that a homemade food dish, or helping out with daily tasks, or just being there was the most appreciated type of response.

If you give a gift that lasts, every single time the person sees that gift it is going to be a needle picking at an open wound or scab.

I normally don't speak strongly on this forum, but this is a case where doing so can prevent some caring but completely misguided behavior. I would much rather people be offended by me than offend someone they care for.
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Old 11-07-2017, 09:57 AM
 
698 posts, read 383,032 times
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People who have lost a close relative do not want to forget that person. What they need help with is in getting through to the point where the fact that the person lived can become more important than the fact that he or she died. This is especially tough in the beginning, so don't laugh at the idea of going over to do cooking or cleaning. That sort of chore is very hard in the aftermath of a painful loss, and help with such may be the nicest thing that anyone does at the time.
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Old 11-07-2017, 12:42 PM
 
4,826 posts, read 2,142,556 times
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I received a beautiful framed letter that my endearing mom wrote to her sister. Her sister (my aunt) had it framed...The words on that paper are my go to when I need to remember her love for her kids.
And yes...It brought comfort...
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Old 11-07-2017, 01:39 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
17,973 posts, read 17,131,123 times
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A memorial of some kind is nice. When my dad died, some people paid to plant trees.

This might be the site: https://thetreesremember.com/memorial-trees/

My mother received a nice card saying thank you and that a tree was planted in his memory. The trees were in national parks. You don't know which tree or which park but it's a good feeling that something that LIVES ON will stand in a national park in the person's memory.

(And, there is something else about loss...when you have lost something, it does help to have something given TO you. In a small way it seems to balance the sense that something has been taken from you. When my dad was younger and lost his best friend, his sister showed up at the house immediately and handed him a book. Didn't matter what book--it could have been the first thing she found in her living room. What mattered was that something came INTO his life instead of something leaving. He read that book all day long--it was not a new book but it was on a topic that he was interested in. A gift. And it took his mind of things.)
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Old 11-07-2017, 05:00 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,097 posts, read 2,913,065 times
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A memorial donation is appropriate. There might be a charity or a cause that was particularly important. My brother-in-law found a place that named a star after my wife (his sister) which was a nice thought and an interesting idea. It was something he really wanted to do for her. Someone else very close to our family (former foster daughter) wrote a poem about my wife that I have framed.
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