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Old 11-13-2017, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,852 posts, read 51,350,636 times
Reputation: 27735

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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
That is BS. Most guys don't share. Then someone who does like a woman (how's that for a stereotype?) thinks everyone should.

I do not know anyone that ever went to grief counseling. I never did. You grieve, you adjust, and then move on with life. Some take longer than others.
You seem to have confused this forum with politics and controversies. I can't quite figure out why you bothered to write your post, much less what you were trying to say in that first paragraph. Was it supposed to be an insult? I'm happy for you that you didn't need counseling. I guess from what you wrote I am supposed to think that any guys you knew that did get therapy weren't about to share?
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Old 11-13-2017, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,428 posts, read 2,254,827 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I'm just curious. Currently trying to help my boyfriend deal with the traumatic loss of his brother which happened about a month and a half ago. I have suggested counseling but he is extremely against it. I'm worried he won't be able to get through this without professional help. But i started to wonder how many people manage to get through on their own with support from friends and family compared to how many seek out professional help. Does anyone know?

If there are any other suggestions on how i can help him through this, please feel free to respond with that as well. Thank you in advance.
My hubby of thirty one years died Aug 2016. Hospice tried to talk me into counseling and grief support groups. I was polite to them but told them I would call them if I became interested later. At the time it would just add more stress to my already exhausted body after four years of round the clock care. I have done just fine. Miss my guy but I choose to go on. I want what time I have left to be happy. No one can take your grief away from you. It is a process each person needs to resolve on their own. I know many feel different than I do on this. I also have no supporting friends or family. I am in this all alone. I am going to make if it kills me trying. Big hugs to your boy friend. I say let him work it out.
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Old 11-13-2017, 08:05 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,649,899 times
Reputation: 33231
Quote:
Originally Posted by shades_of_idaho View Post
My hubby of thirty one years died Aug 2016. Hospice tried to talk me into counseling and grief support groups. I was polite to them but told them I would call them if I became interested later. At the time it would just add more stress to my already exhausted body after four years of round the clock care. I have done just fine. Miss my guy but I choose to go on. I want what time I have left to be happy. No one can take your grief away from you. It is a process each person needs to resolve on their own. I know many feel different than I do on this. I also have no supporting friends or family. I am in this all alone. I am going to make if it kills me trying. Big hugs to your boy friend. I say let him work it out.
Very sorry for your loss.

Good for you, there is no one size fits all when it comes to grief.

Support groups work some, and not for others.

Nothing wrong with someone trying a group and after going a couple of times decide this isn't working for me or it's not what I thought it would be and bowing out.

Others go nervous of course and find after a couple of times it's a good place to go to listen to others and get mutual support. I posted earlier that sometimes even the supporting friends and family don't want to the hear anymore as time goes by, may sound but it's the reality in some cases.

The best thing someone can do is listen to their heart saying what works best for you.
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Old 11-14-2017, 01:53 AM
 
Location: Phoenix-Valley of the Sun
2,462 posts, read 1,205,788 times
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I know that I should have. I didn't join a support group, therapy, counseling, NOTHING. I withheld all of my emotions inside and I got drunk daily to deal with the pain. It still haunts me to this day even though it happened 5 years ago. The only people that knows about her death are the people who helped me plan the funeral; no one else really knows. To this day, I haven't told one of my best friends that my mom had passed. Once in a while, he asks about her and I reply, "she's fine."
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Old 11-15-2017, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,428 posts, read 2,254,827 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Very sorry for your loss.

Good for you, there is no one size fits all when it comes to grief.

Support groups work some, and not for others.

Nothing wrong with someone trying a group and after going a couple of times decide this isn't working for me or it's not what I thought it would be and bowing out.

Others go nervous of course and find after a couple of times it's a good place to go to listen to others and get mutual support. I posted earlier that sometimes even the supporting friends and family don't want to the hear anymore as time goes by, may sound but it's the reality in some cases.

The best thing someone can do is listen to their heart saying what works best for you.
Thanks seain dublin.

I agree someone should try a group if they choose to. I think for me, being the introvert I am, trying to do a group would just add more stress. Since I live so remotely most support groups involve a long drive. I know there are none within thirty five to forty miles away. I did look into it.I just had so much to get done before winter that had to be taken care of now my care taking was sadly over. Still busting it to get it all done. I think I am literally working my way through, do we ever get through?, grief. It is how I cope. I am not running from grief as some might say. Also this is my second time to be widowed. I learned a lot the first time around.
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Old 11-16-2017, 11:23 AM
 
18,857 posts, read 6,167,967 times
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I don't know about MOST, but I think it's a good idea to talk to others and let things out and cry or whatever with the support groups. It's a good cleansing.
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Old 12-20-2017, 11:56 PM
 
4,752 posts, read 2,181,659 times
Reputation: 4335
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I'm just curious. Currently trying to help my boyfriend deal with the traumatic loss of his brother which happened about a month and a half ago. I have suggested counseling but he is extremely against it. I'm worried he won't be able to get through this without professional help. But i started to wonder how many people manage to get through on their own with support from friends and family compared to how many seek out professional help. Does anyone know?

If there are any other suggestions on how i can help him through this, please feel free to respond with that as well. Thank you in advance.
I looked into grief counselling roughly a month ago. The intake process for a psychotherapist - which is not the same as a psychologist - included intake questions such as "do you feel like you want to harm someone", and "do you feel like you want to harm yourself". I was stunned by the questions, and explained that grief is completely normal, and asking questions about whether I want to kill someone or myself are extremely inappropriate. The reasons for the inappropriate questions are that they do intake for people with serious problems, and for some reason they've lumped grief in with psychological problems.

Authentic grief counsellors are typically reserved for recovering from an unexpected premature death. Psychotherapists who do grief on the side are not really grief counsellors. I did not find the experience helpful. The psychotherapist was young, inexperienced, and seemed determined to attach a psychological problem to me regardless of how many times I repeated that I was looking for strategies to cope with loss of a family member. She played silly mind games of mirroring body behavior, and making moronic, empty remarks. Unless the counsellor is the right person, the experience will make things worse. Chances of finding the right person at the first visit are slim. I abandoned the idea.

I think the only way to get through it is time. Do nice things like prepare a meal, and plan quiet social events with genuine people.

Last edited by Lieneke; 12-21-2017 at 12:11 AM..
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Old 12-21-2017, 02:19 AM
 
4,752 posts, read 2,181,659 times
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I think grief is that question about the final thought before it went dark. It's also about finding in yourself what you relied on and needed from the one who is gone, and making it stronger.
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Old 12-21-2017, 03:03 AM
 
11,685 posts, read 13,091,702 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
I know of no statistics. I would suspect that the percentage who actively seek counseling is relatively small. My wife was a psychotherapist and licensed professional counselor. I don't remember her mentioning anyone approaching her for grief counseling, although later fallout from family issues and deaths was grist for the mill....
My own personal observation after 80 years is that I have never known anyone who sought counseling, though surely some people must have. I volunteered as a visitor/companion to terminally ill people for eight years, and none of their relatives that I know of looked for professional help.

Nevertheless, if someone is having an unusually difficult time with a death, then I would think that professional counseling would be worth a try.
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Old 12-27-2017, 02:14 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,721 posts, read 21,779,470 times
Reputation: 27782
Nothing intense. The local hospice. It was a group.

Damn, it was really depressing. I think there were 10 meetings, and I went to 3 or four.
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