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Old 11-12-2017, 08:57 AM
Location: Chicago area
13,026 posts, read 7,196,376 times
Reputation: 49969


Dear one. There is nothing anyone can say or do to help you move on. This is perhaps the worst thing you will ever go through your entire life. Time is your ally. Until then. A cyber hug and some kind words are all we can do. I'm sorry, I wish it could be more.
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:37 AM
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,314,105 times
Reputation: 12748
I'm so sorry for your loss!

Grief is a process and I can't say you'll ever get over the loss of a child, but as time goes on it will get easier to cope. Your local hospital should have a grief support group. Just call (or go there) and ask. I think that's the best for you right now. I'm not sure if you're religious at all, but many churches have groups as well and even talking with a pastor may help. Talking is good. Memories are good.

Good luck to you!! HUGS!
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Old 11-12-2017, 10:59 AM
5,416 posts, read 3,386,979 times
Reputation: 20452
I am in awe of your strength, OP. You didn't just raise a child, you were his caregiver for 30 years. That is a gargantuan task that you took on gladly and built your life around. There are only a few special people who could do that or even would do that. In the Caregiving forum, we have known of caregivers who gave so much of themselves that they died before those they were caring for. I am so glad that he had you up until the end.

You sacrificed so much for your son but his life sustained yours. When the time comes, as it eventually will, to reconnect with other people, you may find it easier at first to do it online where you can control the interaction. There are many forums specific to the loss of a child. And, of course, you are always welcome here.
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:41 AM
18,803 posts, read 6,138,018 times
Reputation: 12671
It 's hard to express to others about their loss, and many have said what I would say. Time is the only thing we have and know your child is out of pain. So sorry.

In time get involved somehow and think about being of service to others. Take care of you and helping others...so so many in need.
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:49 AM
5,822 posts, read 3,298,927 times
Reputation: 13576
The thing that helped and motivated me the most was knowing that the person I lost (my first husband at a young age ) would have been sad and felt guilty if he thought he was responsible in any way for causing me misery. He put forth so much effort in his life and I owed it to him to do it too. I realized that it would actually disrespect him if I let his death, which he fought, also destroy my life. Keep dragging yourself out of bed and do yourself and others some good in honor of the son who you love. Best Wishes
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Old 11-12-2017, 12:10 PM
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,849 posts, read 51,301,408 times
Reputation: 27678
I am sorry for your pain and your loss.

You are not weak. You are human, and in need of support. That is part of being human. Reach out for it when ever and where ever you can find it. Strange as it may seem, people also need to GIVE support. The sharing of a burden can prevent it from being crushing.

I've said it repeatedly on this forum - get a pen and notebook and WRITE. Write directly to him as you would in a letter. Be completely open and continue to write until you feel you have said what you need to. Come back again and write more. If you need to repeat what you had written before, do so. If you just want to chat, do so. There is a healing quality to physical writing that few other methods have.
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Old 11-12-2017, 12:15 PM
Location: North State (California)
28,207 posts, read 2,196,057 times
Reputation: 9838
Hugs, I agree on finding a grief support group, many hospitals or hospice have them, as well as church groups. I think a walk every day is a good idea also. Hugs again & sincere condolences to you. I think the writing to your son is a good idea, try it.
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Old 11-12-2017, 12:39 PM
Location: Tyler, Texas
133 posts, read 50,077 times
Reputation: 801
Please know that your son is at peace and that you will see him again one day when the time comes. He will be there to take you to your journey, until then please allow yourself to grieve. Grieving is important, it is natural and it is necessary. Be very patient with yourself, allow yourself to work thru and process your sadness. It will feel as if it will never end, then as time goes on you will slowly feel better.

Pray and speak to your son, anytime you want. He will know and understand.
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Old 11-12-2017, 01:36 PM
Location: The Jar
20,071 posts, read 13,747,950 times
Reputation: 36712
Originally Posted by JustAguy777 View Post
Born sick, and has been sick since birth with one thing after another. I raised my only child by myself. 30 years later after his 25 surgery, he aspirated and went into cardiac arrest. He was laying there in the hospital, dead, more than the 3 minutes allowed before permanent brain damage occurs He was found, resuscitated, suffered irreversible brain damage and given a 1 % chance to live. After 2 weeks of trying everything medically possible to wake him, I had to make the call to turn off life support. He lived 83 minutes. I felt his last breath and heartbeat.

I'm sitting here numb, and in tears, alone, as I do every night. I've tried everything to move on, but I just can't seem to get out of this dark hole. I never knew grief could be so consuming and I never ever knew one could hurt in the ways I'm experiencing.

I've tried everything, how did you move on if this happened to you.
We are still where you were before---- with a gravely ill teenager. The disease? Rare and genetically passed via his birth parents. The end is coming, and it's sure to be just as ugly. We just don't know when.

OP, our condolences. The pain you're feeling is one that I know you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. We are familiar with the endless pain that accompanies a chronically ill child with poor prognosis. You are alone, but you are not...

The answer you seek is probably as individual as each human being is. I imagine each week, month, year that passes will help to dissipate the pain. It's a long process. That is all I know for sure. Hang in there! Seek a grief counselor to help, and go to the Creator-- if you are so inclined.
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Old 11-12-2017, 02:10 PM
3,174 posts, read 1,630,885 times
Reputation: 15313
JustAguy777... we can offer condolences and shoulders to cry on. It pains us to know you are hurting so badly and that we are helpless to stop it. Though none of us have met, we are all human. We hurt when others hurt.

At the risk of anyone getting angry with me, I would suggest that you pray and talk with God. He knows the pain of losing a child too. Hundreds of millions around the globe find relief through pray. You don't even have to use words. Just find a quiet place and whisper, "Help me God." He will.

Meanwhile, here's a cyber hug ((((((((((((((((((JustAguy777)))))))))))))))).
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