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Old 11-13-2017, 11:50 PM
Status: "happy again, no longer catless! t...." (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,423 posts, read 16,695,799 times
Reputation: 16435

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A week ago, my sister in law's son found her dead in her bed. He has difficulties with mental health, and she'd moved to a quieter place so she could take better care of him. But she's had health issues herself, and he didn't like his meds. But her medical issues were sufficent that when she didn't go out nobody noticed she was acting odd. Very likely, her death was caused by an overdose of pain and anxiety meds not perscribed.

I live in town, and have noticed how she never had much to say when I called, or she wasn't answering her phone of late. I knew she had medical issues and assumed it was that. Maybe part was, but she wasn't 'here' either, we are assuming. The house had no food it in, and looked like it had been torn apart inside. She'd been trading stuff and spending the budget on other things. It made all the pain and sadness/depression or whatever it was go away. Eventually it might have let her leave us too.

I'm still stunned. Her sister came out, and arraingements were made to take her son home with the family. Everything she had was dumped, all of it ruined. One of the huge dangers today here are pain pills, and you hear about it on the news. But you don't think someone in family will leave because of it.

I feel so tired and sad. I got to know her. When she was herself, when she relaxed and let go the dark, she was a very nice person. Once, I'd convinced her to come with me to a science fiction convention, and she had a wonderful time, and was such a different person. There wasn't any of that left of late. I wonder if in some way, even in the 'good times', she was waiting to die. If it was some kind of drugs, I don't think she intended to end it, but then maybe she did.

I'm one of those people who, when life is full of pain, learn the value of survival mode. I had bad times, but knew you could not let them win. I slogged my way out. I moved to where it was different and quiet and to large measure, its still home. It didn't work that way for her. I feel a profound sadness about that. The place being different and new and slowed down works for me. When it ceases to, I'll go. But she had found a place she could banish the dark places. Problem is it may have only freed her from the dark forever.

I've been giving how I feel about the place a lot of thought. Not perfect. Not terrrible. Fufills some of the needs and I wish for, more than it doesn't. Life isn't about perfection, but there being something to look forward tomorrow, be it small.

I am much saddened that she took a dark pathway out of her life, but will remember the times she was happy and had joy and understood that even when the cup was half empty, there was something to cherish.

May she rest in the peace she found so hard to find in her life.

I hugged all my critters today. The last of the family left. Her house is cleaned up, and they'll sell it for what can be got. And I will miss her, and remember the days when she cherished the half full instead of seeing how empty the half empty was.
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Old 11-14-2017, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,852 posts, read 51,350,636 times
Reputation: 27730
Very thoughtful post. Indeed, there are people who live simply waiting for their time to die.

The temptation is to say "if they had only..." Life is not that simple. Not everyone has the physical strength and stamina to remove crushing weight. Not everyone has the mental capacity to fully grasp all options. Not everyone is willing to give up on a loved one with problems, so that they can move forward with their own lives. What is called for is compassion. None of this is any cause to jump to laying blame or fault.
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Old 11-14-2017, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,719 posts, read 21,779,470 times
Reputation: 27774
Very well said harry chickpea. Not everyone has the physical or emotional strength to deal with their lot in life.

I'm sorry nightbird. Since I'm older, there only seems to be losses these days.
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