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Some of it was because of music, some of it was because the mountain landscape just makes me feel lonely.
As I was driving back, I was very sad, reflexive. I'm 41 and while I hate living in Texas, a part of me was wondering why we are living so far away from our family.
At 41 (actually, maybe another number for yout), I realized our time here is limited. I'm not old, I could easily live 40 more years, but I realize my best years are likely behind me, and part of me is sad in that the members of our families don't see each other often, mainly holidays, and something is wrong here. Family is all you have in life. .
I started thinking about all the people that wronged me and that I've wronged myself. In the blink of an eye, I went from dumb 20 year old kid, to 41 year old guy who's wondering wtf he's doing away from his parents and siblings.
Do certain songs, landscapes, alone times make you emotional?
Hey OP,
I’m 49 & I can relate! It started about 3 years ago & initially I thought it was a fluke. Sort of like “ Hmm; I must be really overtired” or “I’m just stressed out about *** & I’m projecting”. It would only happen while I was driving with my teenage son who is Autistic & I didn’t even have music on.
Based on what I have been thinking & feeling, I think you will be okay. And I don’t think you have to put yourself & your family through the upheaval of “settling” or “choosing” in order to reconcile yourself with your issues. But it would require a little more of being proactive & a commitment from you.
Because that’s what it boiled down to, for me at least. I had been just sailing along, not aware of how the years were flying by. I had become ... complacent. Lazy? Yeah, I think so. You know what was really bad in my situation?
I live about 10 minutes away from my parents house. In fact, I’m just about a 1 hour drive south from you, here in Colorado Springs.
It was Christmas time, driving to a shopping center, where the shortest way is down a road that intersects with the street my parents house is on. It’s easily seen just passing by. I am sort of used to rambling on & on to my youngest son without expecting any reply (due to the Autism). It’s just my way of keeping him engaged.
That night it had been easy to engage him because he loves Christmas lights & I could say “Hey; look at this house! Do you see the Santa on the roof?” And he’d answer “yes” or “wow” or just say nothing & flap his arms (meaning excitement, in that case). When we were about 5 blocks away from my parents street, I said “Guess what?” (no reply) “ This is where I grew up!” (no answer)”Isn’t it a pretty neighborhood?” (silence)
As we passed the street, I said “There it is! There’s my house! See: Grandmas & Grandpa’s!” I glanced over & saw ... My dad’s “manger”, that he built & put in the yard every year.
My parents always hated the commercialization of Christmas. The bling & extravaganza wasn’t for them. Every year, the only decorations outside were a cascade of golden lights streaming down from the roof to the wooden manger below, symbolizing the star that directed the Wise men to Bethlehem, so many years ago.
“Were Grandmas adult there?” Finally, Luke answers. Confused, I said “Grandma & Grandpa are adults!”
“No.” Says Luke. “You are adult. Grandmas ... are old”.
I got a lump in my throat as I realized he was right. How had my disabled son noticed time marching on while I was oblivious?
I cried & cried on my way back from the stores that night. I thought to myself “ This ... is my beautiful neighborhood where I grew up. There’s my street. My house. My mom & my dad ...” And I realized that nothing ever stays the same. I needed to be with my family more. I needed to step it up. A lot.
I’ve been better since then but I need to do more. I’m grateful for the wake up call as my mom just passed away in March & I would have been devastated if I had still been taking her existence for granted. I still cry when I go past my street but I notice that it’s not as bad when I follow through with my commitment to be present, in the present here & now, instead of just letting the days turn into weeks ...
Maybe, OP; you need to listen to yourself. No need to leave your life here behind, just step it up with the phone calls & holidays. Maybe, you are just off balance & need to invest more time & energy into your extended family so that you are not “an island” . I bet you would feel better if you tipped those scales a bit & engaged with your whole family more, don’t jump ship quite yet!
I’m 49 & I can relate! It started about 3 years ago & initially I thought it was a fluke. Sort of like “ Hmm; I must be really overtired” or “I’m just stressed out about *** & I’m projecting”. It would only happen while I was driving with my teenage son who is Autistic & I didn’t even have music on.
Based on what I have been thinking & feeling, I think you will be okay. And I don’t think you have to put yourself & your family through the upheaval of “settling” or “choosing” in order to reconcile yourself with your issues. But it would require a little more of being proactive & a commitment from you.
Because that’s what it boiled down to, for me at least. I had been just sailing along, not aware of how the years were flying by. I had become ... complacent. Lazy? Yeah, I think so. You know what was really bad in my situation?
I live about 10 minutes away from my parents house. In fact, I’m just about a 1 hour drive south from you, here in Colorado Springs.
It was Christmas time, driving to a shopping center, where the shortest way is down a road that intersects with the street my parents house is on. It’s easily seen just passing by. I am sort of used to rambling on & on to my youngest son without expecting any reply (due to the Autism). It’s just my way of keeping him engaged.
That night it had been easy to engage him because he loves Christmas lights & I could say “Hey; look at this house! Do you see the Santa on the roof?” And he’d answer “yes” or “wow” or just say nothing & flap his arms (meaning excitement, in that case). When we were about 5 blocks away from my parents street, I said “Guess what?” (no reply) “ This is where I grew up!” (no answer)”Isn’t it a pretty neighborhood?” (silence)
As we passed the street, I said “There it is! There’s my house! See: Grandmas & Grandpa’s!” I glanced over & saw ... My dad’s “manger”, that he built & put in the yard every year.
My parents always hated the commercialization of Christmas. The bling & extravaganza wasn’t for them. Every year, the only decorations outside were a cascade of golden lights streaming down from the roof to the wooden manger below, symbolizing the star that directed the Wise men to Bethlehem, so many years ago.
“Were Grandmas adult there?” Finally, Luke answers. Confused, I said “Grandma & Grandpa are adults!”
“No.” Says Luke. “You are adult. Grandmas ... are old”.
I got a lump in my throat as I realized he was right. How had my disabled son noticed time marching on while I was oblivious?
I cried & cried on my way back from the stores that night. I thought to myself “ This ... is my beautiful neighborhood where I grew up. There’s my street. My house. My mom & my dad ...” And I realized that nothing ever stays the same. I needed to be with my family more. I needed to step it up. A lot.
I’ve been better since then but I need to do more. I’m grateful for the wake up call as my mom just passed away in March & I would have been devastated if I had still been taking her existence for granted. I still cry when I go past my street but I notice that it’s not as bad when I follow through with my commitment to be present, in the present here & now, instead of just letting the days turn into weeks ...
Maybe, OP; you need to listen to yourself. No need to leave your life here behind, just step it up with the phone calls & holidays. Maybe, you are just off balance & need to invest more time & energy into your extended family so that you are not “an island” . I bet you would feel better if you tipped those scales a bit & engaged with your whole family more, don’t jump ship quite yet!
Thank you. I know 41 isn't considered old (or maybe that's just me talking lol), but time just flies by. My parents are in their 60s, health is "ok," not great.
It's the holidays, the long drive, nostalgia and the Colorado landscape.
I still have some adventure left in me at my age. Also, tbh, not sure my siblings and I would get along as well if we lived close.
Some of it was because of music, some of it was because the mountain landscape just makes me feel lonely. I visited my family with my wife and daughter this weekend. We're basically the only persons to live out of state. As I was driving back, I was very sad, reflexive. I'm 41 and while I hate living in Texas, a part of me was wondering why we are living so far away from our family. Yes, texas is hot and its people can be a bit much, but is that a reason to stay away from family.
At 41 (actually, maybe another number for yout), I realized our time here is limited. I'm not old, I could easily live 40 more years, but I realize my best years are likely behind me, and part of me is sad in that the members of our families don't see each other often, mainly holidays, and something is wrong here. Family is all you have in life.
I started thinking about all the people that wronged me and that I've wronged myself. In the blink of an eye, I went from dumb 20 year old kid, to 41 year old guy who's wondering wtf he's doing away from his parents and siblings.
Anyways, wife and daughter are asleep, and "grown men don't cry" came on and I just lost it. Life is short, am I doing the right thing?
Do certain songs, landscapes, alone times make you emotional?
I hear you- I moved away after college and was gone for 25 years (including the last 15 in Texas). Finally, I got laid off, and the first job I got an offer for was back home in PA so I took it. For the very reasons you say. I always felt like there was a hole there. We have a young kid (only child) and I wanted him closer to my parents who are in their late 70s. And my brothers are up here too.
Now my family is as dysfunctional as hell, but it was still probably worth it, at least for now. I will say though- the pictures you have in your head with your brothers and family...... things don't quite end up that way in real life. It's not bad or anything, but some day when I retire or my parents are gone, I can see myself out of here again.
I hear you- I moved away after college and was gone for 25 years (including the last 15 in Texas). Finally, I got laid off, and the first job I got an offer for was back home in PA so I took it. For the very reasons you say. I always felt like there was a hole there. We have a young kid (only child) and I wanted him closer to my parents who are in their late 70s. And my brothers are up here too.
Now my family is as dysfunctional as hell, but it was still probably worth it, at least for now. I will say though- the pictures you have in your head with your brothers and family...... things don't quite end up that way in real life. It's not bad or anything, but some day when I retire or my parents are gone, I can see myself out of here again.
I love my siblings, but if we're together too much, well, I think we would annoy each other.
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