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Old 11-30-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
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I am writing this from a place of realization that although we build areas of our lives after the death of a loved one, there will be times when no one will ever take their place in your heart, and loneliness will always be there no matter who comes along. It seems that there are some people that are irreplaceable, whether it is a parent, spouse, child, or friend...that person, whatever they were, can not ever be replaced by people that come along thereafter no matter how hard you try.

Thanksgiving kinda hit me this year, my parents have been passed 5 and 2 years respectively, and we have an empty nest now with barely any visitors or the like. It was a very quiet and lonely over Thanksgiving, and I tried to get out and mingle or talk/spend time with others and volunteer. But they always fall short in my mind with who are what I had. I realize everyone is on a different level in life, and maybe the people were like a tier 1, and you are replacing them with Tier 3 people who will be a Tier 2 at best (i.e. Tier 1 being those that are closest to you, Tier 2 - close, but not totally close, and Tier 3 - acquaintance). It's really sad when you realize that the Tier 1's are minimal, and family pets become Tier 1's much easier than any people you will ever meet. I am sure I will have other posters who agree, and others who criticize/minimize/disparage/Troll what I am saying.

I'm not saying I am in a place of desperation, but these feelings sometimes just never go away and you end up almost talking to these people you miss in your mind....like saying "Mom, you would have liked the turkey this year, it was really brown and crispy the way you always liked it and I learned how to brown it from watched you all those years." I guess a lot of people would not care about a browned turkey these days to share this appreciation with like Mom would, especially since so many people are into the deep frying or portable roasters anymore. But its those little traditions that are alive in my mind and I strive for, and a person who is no longer there that I share that appreciation with...
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Old 11-30-2017, 01:04 PM
 
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Life is forever changing and we need to go on with what is in front of us.
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Old 11-30-2017, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
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"that person, whatever they were, can not ever be replaced by people that come along thereafter no matter how hard you try."

Those who don't understand that most likely haven't had deep relationships in their lives.

May I suggest not trying to "replace," but to add to those that you allow to come close? To be "replaced" would be sad and shallow. To recognize uniqueness and try to find similar positive aspects in others is honoring all.
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Old 11-30-2017, 01:07 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
Life is forever changing and we need to go on with what is in front of us.
I totally get what you are saying...I work, exercise an hour a day, and have a full schedule. A lot of area's of my life full managed without issues on a day to day basis. It's when that holiday down time comes around and I don't have all the distractions of everyday life I think about this stuff more.
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Old 11-30-2017, 01:08 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
"that person, whatever they were, can not ever be replaced by people that come along thereafter no matter how hard you try."

Those who don't understand that most likely haven't had deep relationships in their lives.

May I suggest not trying to "replace," but to add to those that you allow to come close? To be "replaced" would be sad and shallow. To recognize uniqueness and try to find similar positive aspects in others is honoring all.
I like that! Thank you! I think everyone is unique, and while I may not have a deep appreciation of who there are and their place in my life, doesn't make them less special, if that makes sense?
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Old 11-30-2017, 01:14 PM
 
18,775 posts, read 6,129,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
I totally get what you are saying...I work, exercise an hour a day, and have a full schedule. A lot of area's of my life full managed without issues on a day to day basis. It's when that holiday down time comes around and I don't have all the distractions of everyday life I think about this stuff more.
Holidays can be so hard for so many who have less and less in their families and then there are families who are so scattered anyway. With age it gets easier, trust me...it better or it's over.
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Old 11-30-2017, 01:22 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
Holidays can be so hard for so many who have less and less in their families and then there are families who are so scattered anyway. With age it gets easier, trust me...it better or it's over.
I think you are right about the age thing...if anything, it seems like it is going by faster and faster every year and before you know it, you are looking at the calendar for the new year! Mach speed!
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Old 11-30-2017, 02:29 PM
 
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Thanksgiving was difficult for me this year as the love of my life has only been gone five months. For two weeks before it seemed I cried at every little thing. I had my small family around me and it was nice. No one could ever replace him as no one will replace those you have lost. Harry Chickpea made a good point on the word, "replace."

I think it is important to keep the memories alive and talk about the experiences and life you had with them.
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Old 11-30-2017, 03:24 PM
 
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Come Monday it will be five years without my endearing Mother. Each season, each occassion, carries that vivid realization that she is not here physically to enjoy it. So I do it for the both of us. Silent talks in mind and simple nods when out and about. I do agree that Until someone walks that grief path and deals with the immense sorrow, they cannot be expected to understand those of us that live with it EVERY...SINGLE...DAY/HOUR. Trite slogans or little sayings...cannot replace the reality.

Funny thing is...every time it snows I say...Well Mom, you don't need to worry about that where you are!
She hated snow and blessed me with that same attitude. So that is our bond, amongst other memories.

To the previous posters...a gentle hug to see you thru this holiday season...I may not "know" you ,I do know (similarly) what these times of the year can mean and how challenging it can be.
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Old 11-30-2017, 03:42 PM
 
1,481 posts, read 591,143 times
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There used to be a saying I haven't heard for a while. "Life's a b**ch and then you die." I think you have to realize nothing is ever the same as time passes. No matter the circumstances you have to look at what you have, not what you don't. A month ago we put down our 17 year old chihuahua and my wife can't get over it. I've never seen her this desolate over the death of parents, family members, etc. Sometimes it just hits you and it takes a while.
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