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Old 12-11-2018, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
266 posts, read 49,443 times
Reputation: 730

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IMHO just say you're sorry and leave it at that.

I had people ask "How are you?" umm....devastated? How are you even supposed to answer that? As to knowing how someone one feels, you can't possibly. Even if you've lost the equivalent relationship you can't possibly have had an equal bond with equal complicated baggage that's bound to accompany any relationship.
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Old 12-11-2018, 05:44 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
35,740 posts, read 43,916,423 times
Reputation: 59376
I’ve heard that when someone loses a baby, they don’t want to hear that it happened for a reason, or that they can have other children. It doesn’t really deal with the pain of losing that particular baby.
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Old 12-17-2018, 08:54 PM
 
6,959 posts, read 2,277,714 times
Reputation: 4591
Quote:
Originally Posted by melovescookies View Post
I was only 38 when my husband was killed in an accident and quite a few people told me that I was young and would meet someone else.

I can't begin to explain how much those comments hurt me. Yes it was true that I was still young and most likely would have another relationship in my lifetime but at the time about the last thing I was thinking about was loving another man.

I also got a lot of the standard "God needed another angel" and "He's in a better place." Back then those words enraged me. I needed my husband and my baby needed her father. I really didn't care what God wanted and his place was with me in our home not floating on a cloud in heaven.

Our the years I've become less sensitive to stupid comments because I know most people mean no harm and they really don't know what to say.

Having said that it still annoys me slightly when people tell me how strong I am. I don't know why but it feels dismissive of my pain. Losing my husband brought me to my knees and ripped my heart out.

Even now 2 1/2 years later I still feel weak sometimes. I keep going because I have too but I've earned the right to fall apart now and then.
Hi MLC. I've thought about you so often and was wondering how you are doing. I hope you and your little girl are doing okay. *Hugs*
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Old 12-18-2018, 11:51 AM
 
Location: SWFL
22,072 posts, read 18,631,832 times
Reputation: 19760
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcahacker View Post
IMHO just say you're sorry and leave it at that.

I had people ask "How are you?" umm....devastated? How are you even supposed to answer that?
When my mother died, the cops got there before my ex and I did, they were waiting out in the cruiser for the ME. I got out of the car before it even stopped and ran to the door to give Dad a quick hug and to go see my Mom. Unbeknownst to me one of the cops knew me. Hadn't seen each other in maybe 15 years. They then came in cause he saw me, I looked at them and he said to me "hi, tami, how you doing?" I looked at him and said "hi, Tony, I've been better." He looked embarrassed and they went back outside. I know he was just saying "hi" after all those years and I didn't get upset or mad but it shows how just being "normal" has a downside sometimes.
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Old 01-02-2019, 09:29 PM
 
2,096 posts, read 1,581,516 times
Reputation: 4652
My Mom passed away in November.
A co-worker in a remote office knew of my mother's passing and wrote me an email just before Christmas and said,
"I know you won't have a nice holiday, but try and have one anyway".
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Old 01-03-2019, 12:14 AM
 
Location: SWFL
22,072 posts, read 18,631,832 times
Reputation: 19760
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhureeKeeper View Post
My Mom passed away in November.
A co-worker in a remote office knew of my mother's passing and wrote me an email just before Christmas and said,
"I know you won't have a nice holiday, but try and have one anyway".
I think that was nice.
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Old 01-03-2019, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Floribama
14,014 posts, read 30,165,479 times
Reputation: 12606
I usually just try to assure them it’ll get easier with time, it may not seem like it now, but it will.
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Old 01-03-2019, 12:00 PM
 
7,476 posts, read 4,040,165 times
Reputation: 11180
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I think that was nice.
I agree; the coworker is empathizing.
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:39 PM
 
5,774 posts, read 4,666,656 times
Reputation: 4236
I think the worst thing to say to someone is absolutely nothing.
To not have the death of your loved one acknowledged in an way, shape or form...
It just doesn't really help.
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Old 01-28-2019, 03:56 AM
 
7,523 posts, read 3,125,242 times
Reputation: 10407
What offends one person wonít offend someone else. Iím sorry for your loss should cover it.
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