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Old 01-29-2019, 10:29 AM
2,805 posts, read 1,438,453 times
Reputation: 7533


I think I'm unusual in that I don't agree with saying "I'm sorry for your loss" because it has become so incredibly trite and meaningless and an "autopilot" response. I didn't find it comforting when people said it after my mother died. (Mind you, I didn't get "offended" or "annoyed" by it because everyone meant well. It just didn't exactly soothe me.)

Truth be told, she WAS in a better place after she passed away because she had dementia and was trapped in a body and mind that no longer worked, and she could no longer do anything for herself. She was finally freed of that after many years. My thoughts were focused on her being released from that hell, and not on how it affected me personally. Wanting her to be around felt selfish.

Now, I suppose it is different depending on the circumstances. Someone who is taken suddenly or unexpectedly -- I'm sure it's a very, very different story.

I think these kinds of "do this and not that" articles do more harm than good overall. I think we need to assume that people mean well when they reach out. Some are more socially clumsy than others.
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Old 01-30-2019, 05:32 PM
Location: SWFL
22,072 posts, read 18,631,832 times
Reputation: 19760
I like your post and way of thinking, wasel. I, too, agreed with "he's in a better place" when said to me.
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Old 01-30-2019, 07:45 PM
Location: Erie, PA
2,508 posts, read 1,048,238 times
Reputation: 5557
At a prior job, I had an assistant who had a 22-year-old son who had overdosed on drugs and passed away as a result of the OD.

The funeral was held on a Thursday evening so pretty much all of us from work attended it. My assistant was absolutely devastated but I was glad to see two of her sisters there comforting her and her fiance with her.

Just as it is quiet and the funeral is getting ready to start, my assistant's other sister arrives and loudly announces "I don't know why you are crying because he brought all of this on himself and it's obvious he WANTS to be DEAD! So let him be dead and stop crying!"

My assistant started having hysterics so bad after that the funeral had to be delayed for about 30 minutes until everyone could get her calmed down.

That is probably the absolute worst thing I have heard anyone say to someone who is grieving and it was even worse since it was family.
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Old Today, 05:20 PM
549 posts, read 409,862 times
Reputation: 1444
It's much better if we can just accept that people mean well. To do otherwise lies madness. I learned a lot time ago that "I don't know what to say" is always appropriate.
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