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Old 12-04-2017, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,693 posts, read 21,741,083 times
Reputation: 27747

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post
This isn't related as much to losing a spouse or parent or an insensitive comment but at my mother-in-law's viewing a friend of hers came up to me and asked what we were doing with her clothing (she had a notoriously large wardrobe) as she had a "favorite charity she wanted to give to". I was so sad and in shock that her question didn't register with me until later. When I replied that my husband and his brother had already donated it all she was mad that we didn't call her first. Here my mother-in-law was lying in the next room and instead of offering condolences she asked about her clothes.
What a weirdo. She has no manners at all.
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:09 AM
 
401 posts, read 147,982 times
Reputation: 490
When people tell me "everything happens for a reason..." I say, "Yes, and that reason is physics".

I would rather hear that someone knows how I feel because there's at least a chance of that being possible.
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Old 12-05-2017, 03:57 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,119 posts, read 3,633,578 times
Reputation: 13514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron61 View Post
Thatís easy. The worse thing to say to a grieving person is NOTHING.
I don't agree. I'd rather just receive a hug and NO words, than stupid, insensitive words spoken at such a time of incredible grief.
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Old 12-05-2017, 11:28 AM
 
594 posts, read 274,262 times
Reputation: 2073
"Snap out of it! You're indulging in self-pity now."

This was the worst thing I ever heard someone say to a grieving person they thought was not "healing" fast enough.

I wanted to .... well, suffice to say - it wasn't nice.
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Old 12-05-2017, 12:51 PM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
3,474 posts, read 4,548,614 times
Reputation: 3907
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remington Steel View Post
This^. And I might add "I am here for you if you need anything".
If you're truly willing to help out, offer specifics. "I'm available in the afternoons for meal delivery and dog-walking. Would you like me to contact you when I get off of work to check in and see what you need?"

People in pain have a hard time reaching out to *ask* for stuff sometimes
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Old 12-05-2017, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,656 posts, read 1,193,828 times
Reputation: 6560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie Joseph View Post
I avoid "I know how you feel" because I really DON'T know how they feel.
I had to think of something to say this afternoon, when a woman I have been friends with for years, since we were both teenagers nearly 30 years ago, posted on Facebook that her baby son passed away in the NICU at Albany Med. He had been born 2 months ago, 3 months premature, and things were looking up and they were hoping to have him come home by New Year's, when his heart stopped yesterday morning around 5 AM.

I have no idea what that is like, as I have no children of my own.
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Old 12-05-2017, 03:54 PM
 
9,652 posts, read 7,629,801 times
Reputation: 17485
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
I had to think of something to say this afternoon, when a woman I have been friends with for years, since we were both teenagers nearly 30 years ago, posted on Facebook that her baby son passed away in the NICU at Albany Med. He had been born 2 months ago, 3 months premature, and things were looking up and they were hoping to have him come home by New Year's, when his heart stopped yesterday morning around 5 AM.

I have no idea what that is like, as I have no children of my own.
Just "How awful; I am so sorry - he was such a beautiful little baby". Delivered with a warm hug, if that would be welcome. Make a casserole or spaghetti and take it to the grieving family, if you are in their area, in a container which they can keep.

A little later, you could contribute to a children's charity in memory of the baby.
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Old 12-05-2017, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,437 posts, read 17,619,243 times
Reputation: 39916
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
I had to think of something to say this afternoon, when a woman I have been friends with for years, since we were both teenagers nearly 30 years ago, posted on Facebook that her baby son passed away in the NICU at Albany Med. He had been born 2 months ago, 3 months premature, and things were looking up and they were hoping to have him come home by New Year's, when his heart stopped yesterday morning around 5 AM.

I have no idea what that is like, as I have no children of my own.



"I can't imagine how you must feel. My heart breaks for your loss. I am so, very, sorry for your loss."
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Old 12-07-2017, 02:26 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
Along the same lines, I have a friend (Betty) with terminal cancer. One of her other friends (Veronica) told her, "well, we're all going to die someday." While this is true, Betty did not appreciate hearing it. Another time I told Veronica that Betty had received some bad news about the cancer and Veronica said, "It's her time to go and be with the Lord." I never told Betty that.
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Old 12-08-2017, 12:37 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18797
Whoa! I hope Veronica hears the same things when it is her time.

Betty and Veronica? Really??
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