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This isn't related as much to losing a spouse or parent or an insensitive comment but at my mother-in-law's viewing a friend of hers came up to me and asked what we were doing with her clothing (she had a notoriously large wardrobe) as she had a "favorite charity she wanted to give to". I was so sad and in shock that her question didn't register with me until later. When I replied that my husband and his brother had already donated it all she was mad that we didn't call her first. Here my mother-in-law was lying in the next room and instead of offering condolences she asked about her clothes.
This^. And I might add "I am here for you if you need anything".
If you're truly willing to help out, offer specifics. "I'm available in the afternoons for meal delivery and dog-walking. Would you like me to contact you when I get off of work to check in and see what you need?"
People in pain have a hard time reaching out to *ask* for stuff sometimes
I avoid "I know how you feel" because I really DON'T know how they feel.
I had to think of something to say this afternoon, when a woman I have been friends with for years, since we were both teenagers nearly 30 years ago, posted on Facebook that her baby son passed away in the NICU at Albany Med. He had been born 2 months ago, 3 months premature, and things were looking up and they were hoping to have him come home by New Year's, when his heart stopped yesterday morning around 5 AM.
I have no idea what that is like, as I have no children of my own.
I had to think of something to say this afternoon, when a woman I have been friends with for years, since we were both teenagers nearly 30 years ago, posted on Facebook that her baby son passed away in the NICU at Albany Med. He had been born 2 months ago, 3 months premature, and things were looking up and they were hoping to have him come home by New Year's, when his heart stopped yesterday morning around 5 AM.
I have no idea what that is like, as I have no children of my own.
Just "How awful; I am so sorry - he was such a beautiful little baby". Delivered with a warm hug, if that would be welcome. Make a casserole or spaghetti and take it to the grieving family, if you are in their area, in a container which they can keep.
A little later, you could contribute to a children's charity in memory of the baby.
I had to think of something to say this afternoon, when a woman I have been friends with for years, since we were both teenagers nearly 30 years ago, posted on Facebook that her baby son passed away in the NICU at Albany Med. He had been born 2 months ago, 3 months premature, and things were looking up and they were hoping to have him come home by New Year's, when his heart stopped yesterday morning around 5 AM.
I have no idea what that is like, as I have no children of my own.
"I can't imagine how you must feel. My heart breaks for your loss. I am so, very, sorry for your loss."
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Along the same lines, I have a friend (Betty) with terminal cancer. One of her other friends (Veronica) told her, "well, we're all going to die someday." While this is true, Betty did not appreciate hearing it. Another time I told Veronica that Betty had received some bad news about the cancer and Veronica said, "It's her time to go and be with the Lord." I never told Betty that.
Whoa! I hope Veronica hears the same things when it is her time.
Betty and Veronica? Really??
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