What do you do if you're falling in love with your dead spouse's brother?

[citychik]

Do nothing and carry on. Just because you've convinced yourself you're "falling in love" with someone doesn't mean you need to act on it.

My gggm married her brother-in-law after her husband died. It was a fairly common thing back in the "olden days," for brothers to marry their dead brother's wives. Generally, this was because a wife was considered her husband's property and if she had children and needed looking after, since the women often didn't work, the brother stepped in to take care of his kin's family as a duty.

But it's not necessary nowadays.

However, people often make the mistake of thinking that intense feelings require some kind of reaction. Not necessarily so! The feelings you've identified thusly will likely fade once you've grieved some more, healed a bit, and gotten on with your life.

[HollyhockGarden]

I just wanted to add that I don't think it is especially unusual. No, it doesn't happen every day, but I have known of about five cases where a marriage has occurred between members of a current or former extended family unit.

[Led Zeppelin]

Originally Posted by lmk7

I think this is more common than many realize? After the death of a loved one, a spouse is often drawn to their best friend or sibling... Has anyone else been through this and fallen in love with your deceased spouse's (or partner or best friend's) living family member? How did you navigate it?

You navigate it the same way you navigate any other romantic attraction - after you deal with the issues of "what everybody thinks about it" and get done deciding if you care about that or not.

But to me... there's nothing wrong with it.

[kapikap]

Originally Posted by lmk7

I think this is more common than many realize? After the death of a loved one, a spouse is often drawn to their best friend or sibling... Has anyone else been through this and fallen in love with your deceased spouse's (or partner or best friend's) living family member? How did you navigate it?

I have never been there, but I would imagine a fully fresh start with a brand new person would be best for the mind. Dating a best friend or someone tied close to the deceased would be like holding on to the loss. It would not be fair to you or the other person. the deceased will always be on your mind, and i guess talk and guilt would always be there as well. It would be too painful to keep healthy.

[Miss Ree]

I can understand how widows and widowers sometimes move on with their spouses siblings or friends. It almost happened to me.

My best friend and I married a couple of men that were best friends and lived on neighboring farms running the farms and raising our children together as one large family. After my husband and best friend passed away, her husband thought it would be a good idea if we married and continued running the farms and raising our children together. Our teenaged children thought it was a good idea too. I didn’t. Although he had no trouble transitioning from a brotherly role to a husbandly role, I could not stop thinking of him as just a brother or good friend.

I ended up selling my farm and moving away. For the longest time, I felt guilty for tearing our family apart like that. But now that the children are grown and moving on with their own lives, I think it’s best that he and I aren’t stuck in a marriage void of romantic love. We both deserve better than that. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. But there are some lonely moments when I wonder if we could have had a real good life together even without the romance.

I imagine some of those who marry their spouses siblings do develop romantic love for one another. But I think more often than not it's just a matter of convenience and later regretted. Proceed with caution is the only advice I can offer.

[Mightyqueen801]

My ex-husband's grandfather married his brother's widow after his own alcoholic wife abandoned him and their five children. He also got the family farm back that his older brother had inherited when he married her. They had two sons and remained married until his death.

In more recent times, I worked with a woman who married the widower of her cousin, who died young ,and adopted their two small children.