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Old 12-11-2017, 04:52 PM
 
3,296 posts, read 2,349,076 times
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Next week, it will be one year since my dad died unexpectedly. I'm planning on traveling 8 hours to be with my mom that day.

She is still extremely depressed. She has also suffered some health setbacks. She still chooses to live alone in the same big house. It breaks my heart, but she gets to decide, not me.

Any thoughts and suggestions on what we could do that day? Both to remember and honor dad, but also help mom move forward a little bit. I know she'll want to go to the cemetery and we'll probably go eat somewhere nice. She just can't do much physical activity right now.

Thanks for sharing any nice experiences you've had that have helped.
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Old 12-11-2017, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,873 posts, read 51,398,709 times
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99% of what you can do is being there.

One of my wife's daughters was with me on the one year anniversary and it meant the world to me.

You are spot on target that it is a shared honoring, a recognition. That you are making the trip, making the effort, sharing in the experience, is exactly it.

Go with the flow, don't expect anything extraordinary, live the day. You'll treasure it.
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Old 12-11-2017, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Mom was very ill for a couple of years after dad died, so she didn't want to do much. We went out to lunch and I took her for a ride in the country. That's something that she and dad used to do. Have a mental list of possibilities like: get an ice cream cone, go to a movie, shop for something she needs. Anything is better than nothing. Mom didn't cook much then, so I made something that she wouldn't have made for herself for dinner. I remember her saying. "This is delicious!" Well, yeah, because that's exactly the way she used to make it.
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Old 12-12-2017, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,946 posts, read 24,083,057 times
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I just lost my husband in March, the fact that you will be there with her is what matters most!! Everything else will fall into place, she may get a little emotional at cemetery or if she reminisces, so be prepared for that.

When my kids or grand kids are around they are a tremendous help. For many of us this is the first time in our lives we have lived alone, I know for me it was, you go from your parents to a spouse to a family and then when kids are grown you and your spouse again.

It is very nice and heartfelt that you are taking the time to be with your Mom on this day.
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