U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-14-2017, 12:27 AM
 
Location: Northern California
436 posts, read 170,369 times
Reputation: 551

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
My mom lives in another country and I just chatted with her on Sunday and she was fine. I had just been to Vegas and was telling her about my trip and she was reminiscing her own trip there a decade ago. Yesterday my phone starts blowing up with text messages/Voicemails from my cousin, Aunt etc. to call immediately. I then got the news that my Mom had a heart attack a few hours prior and had passed.. she was only 69, I was stunned, I still am, it's difficult to process everything and I feel such a void as I used to talk to her and my Dad weekly. How do you deal with this kind of grief? This is the very first close loss of a family member I have experienced.
Hospitals have grief support groups. Otherwise this is one reason I feel this is hell on earth.
It does get better as time passes. I've wanted years to pass so the pain will lessen but it did take 3 years to feel a degree of better. And I suffered significant health issues during those 3 years. Don't let your health suffer. No one gains when that happens.

Pray alot. Listen to online sermons. My favorite is John Macarthur or I'll just listen to scripture using youtube via an audio bible.
Death may seem natural but it is never natural to the brain. It just isn't. My prayers are with you, hang in there
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-14-2017, 07:27 AM
 
15,824 posts, read 18,434,141 times
Reputation: 25604
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
My mom lives in another country and I just chatted with her on Sunday and she was fine. I had just been to Vegas and was telling her about my trip and she was reminiscing her own trip there a decade ago. Yesterday my phone starts blowing up with text messages/Voicemails from my cousin, Aunt etc. to call immediately. I then got the news that my Mom had a heart attack a few hours prior and had passed.. she was only 69, I was stunned, I still am, it's difficult to process everything and I feel such a void as I used to talk to her and my Dad weekly. How do you deal with this kind of grief? This is the very first close loss of a family member I have experienced.
I am so sorry for your loss.

It is very difficult, one day at a time is how you will deal with it. You will likely spend the next couple of years having moments when something will remind you of her death and you'll feel so down and so sad it will incapacitate you. And eventually as time passes there will be moments when something will trigger fond memories and while you will always have a hole in your heart you will also have room for the sweet memories. Cherish those.

I'm thankful that you had a nice phone visit so recently. It will eventually be a special memory. I found my last phone call with my sister just days before she died became so special to me. The first couple of years it was hard, because we talked every weekend, missing those calls pronounced my grief for quite a time.

I wish you peace and again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Last edited by JanND; 12-14-2017 at 08:01 AM.. Reason: edit text
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,925 posts, read 24,052,828 times
Reputation: 10739
So very sorry for your loss
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 08:50 AM
 
3,266 posts, read 2,335,410 times
Reputation: 5622
So sorry for the unexpected loss of your mother. Be thankful that you just spoke to her, that truly is something to take comfort in. Also, it sounds like it was sudden and not long lingering pain.

It sounds like your dad is still living? Do you have plans to travel to be with him as well?

I'll be honest, my dad died unexpectedly last year. It's been very hard for me to totally grieve for him because I'm so concerned for my mom's well being, she is not doing well, still.

Be prepared for the emotions to hit you at random times, unexpected crying spells. Those who have been through this understand totally. It's natural. It's life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 12:20 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,237 posts, read 15,024,326 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
My mom lives in another country and I just chatted with her on Sunday and she was fine. I had just been to Vegas and was telling her about my trip and she was reminiscing her own trip there a decade ago. Yesterday my phone starts blowing up with text messages/Voicemails from my cousin, Aunt etc. to call immediately. I then got the news that my Mom had a heart attack a few hours prior and had passed.. she was only 69, I was stunned, I still am, it's difficult to process everything and I feel such a void as I used to talk to her and my Dad weekly. How do you deal with this kind of grief? This is the very first close loss of a family member I have experienced.
The first year is very hard - at least it was for me. Time is merciful in that the pain did ease a bit. My Mom was the maker of all family traditions and my son ADORED her and vice versa so her presence was greatly missed.

There is no shortcut through grief. We go on living because we have to - even with it's hard to imagine a world without our loved one in it.

Peace be with you during this time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 06:42 PM
 
2,266 posts, read 1,215,966 times
Reputation: 4497
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
My mom lives in another country and I just chatted with her on Sunday and she was fine. I had just been to Vegas and was telling her about my trip and she was reminiscing her own trip there a decade ago. Yesterday my phone starts blowing up with text messages/Voicemails from my cousin, Aunt etc. to call immediately. I then got the news that my Mom had a heart attack a few hours prior and had passed.. she was only 69, I was stunned, I still am, it's difficult to process everything and I feel such a void as I used to talk to her and my Dad weekly. How do you deal with this kind of grief? This is the very first close loss of a family member I have experienced.
Hi k374.

What you're feeling is "normal"... the shock may take several days before it actually hits you.

I lost my own mother about 1.5 months ago, also very sudden and unexpectedly, she was 67. The first week, I was just in shock about it. After that, for about two weeks, I was very angry. I haven't been sleeping well since the news and this combined with the stress of the holidays, I got sick and have been sick for the past couple weeks. Now I don't have the strength to be angry.

My mother died towards the end of October. We had her memorial mid November, and I honestly couldn't tell you much about what happened between her death and the memorial. Between the shock and suddenly having to put together a memorial, notify family and friends, etc, while still working each day... It's all a blur. Time didn't start for me until after her memorial, and that was also when it really hit me that she was gone.

Thanksgiving was hard. Christmas... well, we are just trying to get through the year. I have a daughter, so we're forcing ourselves to go through with decorations, Santa, etc. If it weren't for her, we wouldn't be doing anything this year. Wouldn't have even put the tree up. It's very hard to care about anything right now... it really does make you realize what is ultimately important in your life, and what is not.

What has helped me is to stay as busy as I can, however possible. It keeps my mind off what happened as much as possible. At night, sometimes I can sleep, and other times my mind just keeps thinking about it until I eventually just get up. Been drinking more than usual too, it takes the edge off sometimes.

I'm sorry. I suppose the only real advice I can give you is that you'll need to make peace with the fact that there is no "getting back to normal." There is no normal anymore. There's a different life ahead of you now, possibly one that you never imagined would look like this, but that's exactly what it is and you'll have to find a way to accept that. For me, I never in a million years thought my life would be impacted this way. I always thought my Dad would die about 5-10 years from now, and then my mother would carry on and probably eventually move in with me and my wife when it was time, as my grandmother did with my mother and father. I never thought I'd have to take care of my dad as he got older, I'm an only child. It's changed everything about how I thought my future would go, and I'm sure there's things I haven't even begun to realize are now going to be changed. You'll figure those things out for yourself too, and accepting some things is very difficult.

I'm very sorry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,324 posts, read 12,413,543 times
Reputation: 15395
It's incredibly hard losing a parent. I lost my mother in 1985, and it still hurts esp as I was so young. It's shocking when it's sudden like this. Cherish the memories, be there for the family but take care if you too. There is always a void though time helps. Maybe some time off to simply deal. So Sorry for your loss OP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-14-2017, 10:08 PM
 
Location: 76102
3,200 posts, read 1,483,983 times
Reputation: 9571
It's been eight years since my mom passed. I am still not over it.

We were more like sisters, very, very close.

I pass by the care facility where she passed TWICE a day. I always just sort of wave. Very, very hard.

Like a ship without a sail, I am.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-15-2017, 11:11 AM
 
Location: SW US
1,993 posts, read 1,851,090 times
Reputation: 3349
When my Mom died, her mother had been dead for over 30 years. She still missed her and near the end she "saw" her and interacted with her, which I think was somewhat comforting in her difficult time dying of cancer. Mom has been gone for a year and a half and I still miss her and our long conversations that continued almost until she died. I have not been able to visit her grave since she was buried.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-16-2017, 02:22 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
Reputation: 27752
I used to talk to my mom almost daily. You can't replace mom. Now I'm mom, but I'm not feeling it. Maybe once when my son's ringtone was Mom.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top