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Old 12-13-2017, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Olympus Mons, Mars
5,000 posts, read 8,032,221 times
Reputation: 4920

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My mom lives in another country and I just chatted with her on Sunday and she was fine. I had just been to Vegas and was telling her about my trip and she was reminiscing her own trip there a decade ago. Yesterday my phone starts blowing up with text messages/Voicemails from my cousin, Aunt etc. to call immediately. I then got the news that my Mom had a heart attack a few hours prior and had passed.. she was only 69, I was stunned, I still am, it's difficult to process everything and I feel such a void as I used to talk to her and my Dad weekly. How do you deal with this kind of grief? This is the very first close loss of a family member I have experienced.
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Old 12-13-2017, 11:05 AM
 
1,365 posts, read 420,457 times
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k374 -- I am so very sorry about your mom. This is one of the hardest events you will probably experience in your lifetime. I am glad you did get to talk to her on Sunday - this is a memory you will always have. For right now, being there, whether in person or in spirit [and lots of phone calls] with your other family members, especially your father, is important. And if your mom had very close friends, they should be included too. They, too, have had a heartbreaking loss.

The grief-mourning forum here on City-Data has many kind posters, who will be willing to listen and share their experiences. This is brand-new and raw for you now, k374, and the grief hurts horribly. It will need to run it's course; it cannot be bottled up -- it is there and you will need to get through it, in stages.

Please reach out to friends and people you know, who can help you navigate through this rough time.
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Old 12-13-2017, 11:36 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,748,544 times
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I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. She was relatively young and her passing was untimely, and must have been an unexpected and tragic event.

I lost my father one year ago yesterday, and for many reasons, I am feeling it more this year, than last. I lost my mother to cancer when I was in my early 20s. It really changed my life.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
17,356 posts, read 3,528,493 times
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Very sorry about your loss...sounds like you were very close to her...

Yes, the first death you experience of a family member can be tough, I remember that feeling. Will help to talk with others about your feelings now and about your mother in general. You might go through stages when you are calm and accepting then times you feel overwhelmed and tearful.

No quick way around this, you must experience this pain...but it improves over time.

Talk with us on CD, someone is always here for you.
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Old 12-13-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Olympus Mons, Mars
5,000 posts, read 8,032,221 times
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thank you so much guys for the kind words, it does help!
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Old 12-13-2017, 05:41 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,531 posts, read 42,708,506 times
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I am so sorry. Sudden loss is so much harder than when someone dies after a lingering illness. There is shock, as well as grief.

I think what you will need to deal with also, is that when someone who lives far away dies, it is easy to deny the reality of it. My sister just died last month. We spoke every few weeks by phone, but she lived 1000 miles away, so we didn’t see each other often. Even though I went to the funeral, now that I’m back home, I need to remind myself she’s gone. It’s like I am putting off facing the reality.
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Old 12-13-2017, 06:11 PM
 
Location: southern born and southern bred
12,480 posts, read 14,367,991 times
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so sudden. So sorry
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Old 12-13-2017, 06:22 PM
 
5,523 posts, read 1,947,601 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
My mom lives in another country and I just chatted with her on Sunday and she was fine. I had just been to Vegas and was telling her about my trip and she was reminiscing her own trip there a decade ago. Yesterday my phone starts blowing up with text messages/Voicemails from my cousin, Aunt etc. to call immediately. I then got the news that my Mom had a heart attack a few hours prior and had passed.. she was only 69, I was stunned, I still am, it's difficult to process everything and I feel such a void as I used to talk to her and my Dad weekly. How do you deal with this kind of grief? This is the very first close loss of a family member I have experienced.
I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. I'm sure it was a terrible shock for you. Losing your mama is probably one of the most difficult losses you will ever encounter. The only advice I have to give you is to be gentle with yourself. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Whatever you are feeling is legitimate. There may a myriad of emotions that will come, but they are all natural. Do you have other family or friends who can be with you right now?

Holding you in my thoughts. Hugs, hugs and more hugs to you, dear.
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Old 12-13-2017, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Staten Island, NY
2,921 posts, read 771,725 times
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I lost my Dad 4 years ago today. My Mother died 7 1/2 years ago. As an only child I prepared myself for years that I would have to go through this process alone. In a lot of ways that made things easier for me. I knew what I had to do and I just did it. You never truly get over the loss of a parent. The pain and loss will always be there. As time passes it just becomes different. My Father had an accident. He fell and hit his head. I saw him a few hours earlier and he and I had been texting right up until he fell. He actually text me that he fell and I should come over. Roughly 90 minutes later he was in a coma. I was the last thing he saw when he went under and my voice helped wake him up after his brain surgery. Sadly he never made it out of the rehab center. I was glad that he came out of it enough that we could spend some time together and communicate a bit. I miss him terribly and even though he was 73 and in relatively good health I feel like he was taken much to young.

For months, years actually I obsessed over my own mortality. I was 39 when he died and all these thoughts of my own death filled my head. I spoke to other people about it and I was told they had similar feelings. The outward grieve isn't as strong as it once was. It's mostly internalized now. But, it's still there. I have buried it as best I could but, it will always be there because my Dad, and my Mom are a part of me just as your mom is a part of you.
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Old 12-13-2017, 10:17 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,996 posts, read 1,774,084 times
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Hi, I wrote a post with an almost identical title in March.

That’s probably one of my last clear memories of writing until a few months ago, after I wrote the words I just stared up at the wall.

I am so sorry she is gone; how confusing ... you had just talked to her & she was fine.
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