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Old 01-30-2018, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Houston
1,024 posts, read 346,773 times
Reputation: 908

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Iím a 54-year old male who has experienced loss of grandparents, father and a few older aunts and uncles. Iíve felt sad at each one, the saddest being that of my Dad who died in his sleep 2 years ago at 74 years old. My sisterís mother-in-law, our longtime family friend died on Monday after a long battle with illnesses. Even though we were not related by blood, she was a thoughtful, kind person who I will miss seeing at our family events. Whenever someone like this dies, it REMINDS me of the dear ones that I have already lost and puts me in a funk- like a way of life that is literally RIPPED AWAY from me.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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Old 01-30-2018, 05:11 PM
Status: "Adios to dummyland" (set 11 hours ago)
 
Location: Land of the Caddo and Tonkawa
3,902 posts, read 1,474,284 times
Reputation: 5454
First off, I've got to say that you and I have several things in common. Your gender, age, and location all ring similar with me (well, the city is my roots, but not where I'm living at the moment). I've lost all my grandparents and my dad. The loss of my dad has been the biggest difficulty.

It is easy to see the growing number of people leaving, and it piling or adding up. As a musician, I'm even impacted by musicians that I've valued and treasured, and them leaving as well. The march of time seems to be increasing that unpleasant trend of familiar life passing away.

If I can, I'd encourage a couple of things, that might help. First of all, we are all here on earth for a "short time". Everyone continues getting older, and eventually we all shift to an age when we start to lose people. This is entirely natural, and part of the cycle. So, you are facing what everyone faces. At least, you're not being treated any differently.

The other suggestion is to connect with younger people. You might be able to help them somehow, valuing and treasuring every day, teaching wisdom, etc. And, being around younger people, you get to reset yourself with people who are in earlier, glory years. It might be medicine to counter this other phase of life.

As with a lot of things, we can't change the circumstances, but we can change how we face them. Please seek ways to adjust what you actually can control. Maybe also seek out some new hobbies. Getting your mind on something different, and something positive and/or useful, might really help.
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Old 01-31-2018, 12:51 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
I think your reaction is quite normal. Attending a funeral or similar, even years after the loss of someone close, can bring back the pain of your losses. The grieving process is not something we do and get over. Even though we may rebuild our lives around our losses (and be generally happy) there is a hole in our hearts and our lives that just stays there for the rest of our lives. I am just over 3 years out from losing my husband and 5 years out from my mom. I am actually doing well, have friends, activities, volunteering, small jobs, a new dog, etc. Life is pretty good. But about 2 months ago, I had an unexplainable week of sadness. I don't know why it came over me, but I just felt a lot of grief. This is a common occurrence. I have a friend who had a similar week 7 years after her husband's death. Sometimes you can clearly see what the cause was, but sometimes you can't. You can avoid situations that you know bring this on, but that isn't always the best way to handle it. (I didn't attend any funerals for about 2 years after my husband's death, but now I can do it without too much of a problem.)

My advice it to accept that the losses you have sustained are a part of who you are. It is very human to love and be attached to others, and very human to grieve when those attachments are broken. Accept your feelings of sadness when they come over you. They will abate. Then go one with your life. Trying to deny your feelings, in my experience, really doesn't work. You feel what you feel. Trust your instincts and your feelings as real and normal. Only by doing so can we move on to enjoying life.
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Old 02-26-2018, 09:32 PM
 
1,154 posts, read 1,136,813 times
Reputation: 3933
Grief calls to grief.
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Old 03-22-2018, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,651 posts, read 597,473 times
Reputation: 2953
Same here have lost a lot of aunt uncles, their spouses and some cousins, and spouses. My mom had 8 eight brothers and sisters and was the youngest. Knew most of them pretty well because when grandparents had the big house on the farm we would spend weekends or a night there as would a rotating amount of others and occasional get togethers, weddings etc. Now it's meeting up at funerals is the most where we mostly have contact. It really hits home for my mom having lost most of her siblings and their spouses. It been for the most part losing them to old age related things. It makes you feel like time is speeding up the more relatives pass and bracing for the day when mom loses her next sibling.
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