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Old Yesterday, 01:16 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,096 posts, read 1,029,258 times
Reputation: 3557

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My husband had just turned 57 a few days before he died. He was strong, physically fit and active up until his last moments. We had so many plans. 57 is young.
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Old Today, 09:18 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 15,118,922 times
Reputation: 8477
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I know you are trying to be kind, but this is really an awful thing to say to a newly grieving wife of a 57 year old. If you are young, you may not realize that 57 is not an old age. For this widow, it was not nearly old enough. Her loss is not less because her husband was not 25. Everyone who loses a spouse has their own special grief. A 25 year old may have lost the potential for a lot of living, but the 57 year old wife loses many memories, planned time together, years of emotional investment in the relationship, in their life together. These losses are DIFFERENT, but one is not less than the other. In short, we should NEVER compare one person's loss to another. It is dehumanizing. There is no kindness in it.

When my husband died, a friend of mine who had been divorced early in life and never remarried told me that I was lucky because I had true love for many years (my husband died at 65.) Now, years later, I can see that she was right. But at the time, when my grief was raw, when living meant only pain, when I looked out on the future and saw only sadness, grief and loneliness, her statement was like a slap in the face to me. I did not feel lucky.

My point is not only that we should not compare, but that some comments are not approriate for someone living in the shock, disorientation, and agony of a new loss.
Thank you. I wasn't sure how to respond to that post.
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Old Today, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Hoping to settle down.
20,806 posts, read 17,592,739 times
Reputation: 18056
You are so welcome, butterflyfish. Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. Sorry to hear about the partner pulling monkey business. Glad to hear you come by to read us although there isn't much to read most of the time unless someone is in need. You take care.

GG, nice response to a horrible post. Some people have no clue.

Butterfly and falling, by "our" standards, both of your hubbies were young! IMO 80's is the new old.
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