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Old 08-20-2018, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,142 posts, read 1,106,465 times
Reputation: 3677

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
I have some friends who check in pretty regularly and understand when I don't reply right away to text messages. I also have friends who are clueless (and i don't say that in a bad way) when it comes to what not to say. They just don't know so it doesn't upset me. It's just interesting. I have had people ask me if I am going to sell my place because "I could never stay there if xyz passed away. I would have to move." Others say, "How are you going to pay for everything alone?" "Why are you still wearing your wedding ring?" "How are you going to get into another relationship when you have so many pictures of him all over your place?" Some others believe if I'm not feeling up to an outing that I am purposefully wallowing when oh boy, that is so not the case.

Then there are the people who are widows/widowers that you think will relate to your situation and be empathetic but instead they lecture you on how you should take their advice because they've been there, when all you were looking for was someone to say, "I'm really sorry that you are going through this," and understand that everyone is different.

It has been about 2 1/2 years and my heart is still broken. I am functioning day to day just fine and not in a puddle of tears on the floor every five minutes, but nothing is the same anymore. Most things that I really enjoyed doing are not nearly as enjoyable anymore. I have taken up a few new hobbies and while they are a nice past time, they do not fill any void that I have and it's just a feeling that nothing is as nice as it was when he was here. I have also been handed some major life challenges that I have to face alone and that doesn't help matters.
I am sorry to hear about your challenges, cleasach. Good times and bad times are better when they are shared.
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Old 08-20-2018, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,142 posts, read 1,106,465 times
Reputation: 3677
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I wonder sometimes if I hadn't quit my working with the public job when my husband died, if my grief would have been shorter. I will never know but I could not stand regular customers trying to pick me up now that he was dead. I had to run away.
Continuing to work has been good for me.
My husband played a key role in my business so I get asked about him every day. For months, I talked about him to my customers as if nothing had changed. I have just recently started referring to him as my "late husband" instead of "my husband". It was really difficult for me to make that change. It is getting easier each day.

No one has tried to pick me up. My customers are good, respectful people generally.
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Old 08-21-2018, 12:27 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
When my husband became ill, I had recently retired, as had he. We considered it a blessing that we were retired and could concentrate on taking care of him rather than on the jobs. But a year after his death, I decided to start back with my profession, at least a little bit. I am a physical therapist, and I consider it quite extraordinary that three small jobs found me. I mean that I did not go out looking for them, but they were just offered to me. Each is about 2 hours a week, and each is completely different. The jobs have helped me immensely to feel useful again, that I have something to contribute. I do really enjoy them, and I think they have helped me on my journey to feel whole again. In addition to this paid work, I also do some volunteer work with people who are suffering various crises. There are many parts of us that are broken when we lose those close to us. There are parts of me that still suffer loneliness. I still love and miss my husband and I think I always will. But having some useful work (both paid and volunteer) as well as time to think, rest and contemplate, has brought balance to my life, and I am truly grateful. I know that somewhere out there, my husband is proud of me for taking on new challenges and trying to regain a sense of purpose.
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Old 08-21-2018, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,142 posts, read 1,106,465 times
Reputation: 3677
A thoughtful post, G Grasshopper. I like to think that my husband is proud of me too.
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