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Old 02-12-2018, 02:59 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,483 posts, read 49,828,217 times
Reputation: 26483

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I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the pain and sorrow you feel.

Yes, you are alone. That physical presence of your husband is no longer there. No, you are not alone. Something remains, but it takes time to understand how that expresses for you. No, you are not alone. You have joined the club that none of us wanted to join. You may not yet understand, or understand how, but love can survive death. It shifts, but it remains.

Please WRITE to your husband. Do so in pen and ink, and do it regularly. Embrace the values the two of you shared and hold them tight. Breathe, read, be with others. Read some of the threads here and please continue to check in and share. The journey is rough, and others will reach out to help you or simply listen. We do not judge. Many of us have experienced the wrenching loss and know how important a protected space is.
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:21 AM
 
1,680 posts, read 526,089 times
Reputation: 2447
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
My husband died suddenly in front of my eyes. I tried but could not revive him and by the time the ambulance came, he was gone. He was in his late 50s. He was a loving husband and hardworking businessman. He was excited about our future together.

I am lost, broken and so full of despair I cant breathe. I can't imagine life without him. We were so happy and completely in love and devoted to each other. I hate facing the world without him.

Friends and family have surrounded me. They are doing their best to help me and I'm grateful for them. But there isn't really anything they can do. They keep telling me that I am strong, and everything will be okay. But they are wrong. It's not going to be okay. I am not strong. Not at all.

The pain of going through life without my husband is more than I can bear.

I am so very sorry to hear about his passing, and for what you are feeling and going through. There is no easy answer. People will try to make you feel better, but it has to happen internally, and that takes time.


You will begin to notice you are healing (and you WILL heal) when you start having more good days than bad days. In the meantime, take comfort in knowing that you do have family and friends who care and who are wanting to help you through this. It is NOT easy, and only you know how it feels right now. A man I work with just lost his wife, and they were inseparable . At first, he looked so empty and dead inside, but he is beginning to show signs of getting better now.


But you have taken the first step in healing, you are talking about it, and that is good. I wish you well.
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Old 02-12-2018, 05:19 AM
 
Location: Cleveland Heights, OH, many years in PNW, originally from MA
524 posts, read 253,188 times
Reputation: 315
I'm so sorry for your loss and that it was so traumatic. I went through a similar experience with my mother but it really can't compare because your husband was relatively young. But it's such a shock to the system. It feels like you can't get through it but you will. I hope you have people to be with and talk to for support. It will get easier but it's momentous and life changing for you. Please take care.
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Old 02-12-2018, 06:03 AM
 
Location: Austin
10,412 posts, read 5,805,725 times
Reputation: 11313
having lost a very loved one years ago, there are no words to comfort. it took a full year for me to mentally function properly, although I went through the steps of life, putting one foot ahead of the other. it was 5 years before I felt 'normal'. the pain still hurts, but there are good memories that comfort me now rather than an overwhelming sadness when I think of him.

let people help you. don't shut off the grief if people try to make you and some will. go to the beach and yell or do whatever it takes to let out your anger at your loss. there will be anger so don't be surprised when it happens. I threw every glass dish, plate, cup, and pot I had for hours on the back cement porch. it felt good to smash things.

you will smile again.....but it takes time, lots of time. be good to yourself.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:08 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
7,765 posts, read 3,313,450 times
Reputation: 16246
Butterflyfish I am sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. My husband died in 2010, however he had cancer so it was expected. Losing a spouse suddenly like you did has to be traumatic. Please don't make any major life changes right now. Give yourself time to heal, spend time with loved ones if you can.


As hard as it is to believe right now it will get better one day at a time. Be prepared for certain things to be upsetting. For me it was the holidays 4 months after he died. Be good to yourself. Come here to pour your heart out if you need to. Most of us have been in your shoes and know what you are going through.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,635 posts, read 6,269,727 times
Reputation: 10325
Hurts now but with friends and family, you will survive this.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Boonies of N. Alabama
2,074 posts, read 1,955,266 times
Reputation: 3079
Very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly October 22. He took his last breath with his head in my hands. It's a very surreal feeling. I grieved for a short time. For the first while, you never know what will set you off... going to the grocery store and suddenly bypassing the foods that I would normally have gotten for him...a holiday. I don't know if you believe in God, but if I didn't, I don't know how I would have gotten by. I have absolute peace now. It's actually rather amazing. Yes, I miss my husband but I no longer grieve. It may sound callous to some but it is peace from God that I have and it has truly given my my life back. Tomorrow I go to the annual grandparent lunch at my youngest grandchild's school alone for the first time. We will have fun. We will miss him, but we'll talk about him and laugh.
It will get better for you.
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Old 02-12-2018, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,394 posts, read 2,385,760 times
Reputation: 4086
I feel bad for you, but sometime in the next 25 year or so, either I or my wife will be in your position.

I got my wife a card one valentines day that said: “I hope we live together for 1000 years, but I hope that you live 1 day longer.” The implication is that I don’t want to live without her.

I’ve been happily married for 46 years. My family history says that I will outlive my wife, but not by much. Some time in the future, one of us will face your dilemma. I hope its not my wife; I am way more prepared to deal with her loss that she is of mine, if only because I think about it every single day, and she puts it out of her mind.
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Old 02-12-2018, 08:05 AM
 
7,627 posts, read 12,525,699 times
Reputation: 9411
So sorry !!!

I went through losing my husband 7 years ago.

Of course you are broken and devastated, because a part of you has been ripped away.
For me it was like being in shock for the longest time. Doesn't really help for people to tell you
that things will get better because right now your hurt is unbearable.

Best advice is to take care of yourself the best you can and ask friends to help you
tend to basic things that have to be dealt with. Try to eat good & get outside some.
I think you said you are still walking at sunrise on the beach. If so that is amazing and
will help you a lot. Lean on girlfriends !!! We all share a sisterhood that is so powerful..

Life for me is amazing now and no one could have convinced me of that 7 years ago.

Keep posting so we can encourage you..
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Old 02-12-2018, 08:10 AM
Status: "I can love you as much as bacon, and I love eating bacon" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: St Augustine
215 posts, read 271,138 times
Reputation: 328
My deepest condolences on your loss.

I lost my fiancé four years ago this May. Like you, I was overwhelmed and could not see life without her. At least you have friends and family, I was over 1,000 miles away from what little family I have.

In the end, I cried myself to sleep many nights and felt like I didn't have anything left in me but I will say this, your life will continue one day at a time and eventually you will get to a place where you can think of your husband and not cry but smile knowing that he touched your life in such a positive way.

I wish I could give you a hug and take this pain from you.
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