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Old 02-14-2018, 05:38 AM
 
Location: northern New England
1,727 posts, read 702,077 times
Reputation: 6754

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
Thank you everyone. A friend dragged me out to yoga tonight. I didn't feel up to it, but I couldn't think of a good excuse so I went. Quietly cried through half of it, but I am glad that I went. My body feels more relaxed now.

I really appreciate hearing from those of you who have been through this. It's proof that life goes on and perhaps one day I will smile again. It gives me some hope.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day and my husband never missed an opportunity to spoil me with romantic gestures. I was so lucky. He was the most romantic husband a woman could ever ask for.

I dreamt of him last night. He was simply kissing me tenderly on my face and stroking my hair with his hands. I guess that will be my Valentine gift from him.
About once a year, I get a "visit" dream like that. They are precious.
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Old 02-14-2018, 08:01 AM
Status: "Will Fall ever arrive???" (set 20 days ago)
 
689 posts, read 618,544 times
Reputation: 566
Default Hang In There

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
My husband died suddenly in front of my eyes. I tried but could not revive him and by the time the ambulance came, he was gone. He was in his late 50s. He was a loving husband and hardworking businessman. He was excited about our future together.

I am lost, broken and so full of despair I cant breathe. I can't imagine life without him. We were so happy and completely in love and devoted to each other. I hate facing the world without him.

Friends and family have surrounded me. They are doing their best to help me and I'm grateful for them. But there isn't really anything they can do. They keep telling me that I am strong, and everything will be okay. But they are wrong. It's not going to be okay. I am not strong. Not at all.

The pain of going through life without my husband is more than I can bear.
You will survive.
I did not lose a spouse but i did lose my dear brother and even though I do have 6 other siblings I am not close in age with any of them. My brother was 12 years older and we were as close as two brothers can be. I lost him unexpectedly and it took a full two years before I could talk about it or him without breaking down. It has been a long road but slowly, very slowly it is getting better. As others have already said look to your family and friends for support. Going to new places, seeing new things and new experiences all help too. Also as you are doing reaching out and talking about it helps too. Time truly does heal all wounds. You will be ok.
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Old 02-14-2018, 11:53 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,845,131 times
Reputation: 9599
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post

There's no secret to being considered strong. It only involves washing, wearing clean clothes, eating something--though nothing has any taste--doing the paperwork, making the necessary calls, and mailing things.

I never felt strong. I just did the paperwork.
I love this !!!

I think that paperwork and repairing my house to sell kept me sane that first year.
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Old 02-14-2018, 12:33 PM
 
Location: AZ
593 posts, read 305,018 times
Reputation: 2416
My wife of 47 years died in my arms quite suddenly. There is no describing the profoundness of the loss. No time to say goodbyes. No final I love you. Suddenly it is just you even though surrounded by well meaning people. They are trying hard to support and they too suffer the loss albeit not in the same way. I read books about grieving. Most will get around to saying that time will help. My wife has been gone four years and yesterday I wept. The thing with time is that the weeping and grieving stretch out more. I have no great wisdom with this. I can only say immerse yourself into the best memories of him. He would have wanted you to enjoy all that life can offer in his absence but it is up to you to do that.
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Old 02-15-2018, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,142 posts, read 1,107,139 times
Reputation: 3677
Thank you again, everyone for your support and sharing your own stories.

I am feeling sheer terror about my future without my husband. I leaned on him so much. I will probably need to sell or dissolve his business, and sell our home. I am so full of fear and anxiety. Just have to take the advice many of you have given me to take one day at a time. Wish me luck.

The support here has touched my heart. Thank you, all.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:34 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale
904 posts, read 406,869 times
Reputation: 1619
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
My husband died suddenly in front of my eyes. I tried but could not revive him and by the time the ambulance came, he was gone. He was in his late 50s. He was a loving husband and hardworking businessman. He was excited about our future together.

I am lost, broken and so full of despair I cant breathe. I can't imagine life without him. We were so happy and completely in love and devoted to each other. I hate facing the world without him.

Friends and family have surrounded me. They are doing their best to help me and I'm grateful for them. But there isn't really anything they can do. They keep telling me that I am strong, and everything will be okay. But they are wrong. It's not going to be okay. I am not strong. Not at all.

The pain of going through life without my husband is more than I can bear.
My condolescences on your loss. The stages of grief are hard when a family member dies. You are
fortunate to be surrounded by friends and family in this difficult time.
Moderator cut: deleted off-topic comparison

Last edited by harry chickpea; 02-16-2018 at 03:33 AM..
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,494 posts, read 17,642,239 times
Reputation: 39963
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
Thank you again, everyone for your support and sharing your own stories.

I am feeling sheer terror about my future without my husband. I leaned on him so much. I will probably need to sell or dissolve his business, and sell our home. I am so full of fear and anxiety. Just have to take the advice many of you have given me to take one day at a time. Wish me luck.

The support here has touched my heart. Thank you, all.


It is advised not to make any major decisions.... if possible. If you find you need to, recruit people to help you make decisions. You are still in shock, and overwhelmed with grief, and that is a difficult place to work from. Do everything in "bite sized" pieces, take care of what you can one step at a time, and it will get done. Don't look too far ahead, it can be too much.

Get multiple copies of the death certificate as soon as you can, you will need them for a multitude of things.

My heart hurts for you.

(((hugs)))
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:20 PM
 
Location: AZ
593 posts, read 305,018 times
Reputation: 2416
If I might add one more thing. My dear lawyer friend told me in no uncertain terms NOT to make any business decisions but to take your time. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who will try and take advantage of your situation. Sometimes close friends or relatives will push things based on their views and opinions. I implore you to steel yourself. You are in a vulnerable state. Build some personal walls to protect yourself.
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,142 posts, read 1,107,139 times
Reputation: 3677
I feel that is happening. Everyone is giving me opinions and advice. People I only know casually are asking me very personal questions about my situation. Such as if he had a will or life insurance. People are asking me for some of his things, some of them expensive. I feel like there are vultures circling over me, wanting to pick me clean.
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:56 PM
 
458 posts, read 452,435 times
Reputation: 660
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
I feel that is happening. Everyone is giving me opinions and advice. People I only know casually are asking me very personal questions about my situation. Such as if he had a will or life insurance. People are asking me for some of his things, some of them expensive. I feel like there are vultures circling over me, wanting to pick me clean.
Sadly I have heard this before. So sorry you are hearing these things now. I have always heard not to make "major" decisions until after a year. You may not have this luxury with the business. Wills and life insurance is no ones business. I would just quietly ask them why they wanted to know. ((Hug))
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