Am I a monster?

[crone]

My mom died at my home. The funeral people came to get her within 2 hours. She was cremated. That took a couple weeks to get her ashes back. Then we had a memorial service.

[arwenmark]

What is the cost of delaying or cancelling the vacation as opposed to the extra days of cold storage for your mother's remains while delaying the funeral? which I assume you would pay for since the delay is to accomidate you.
Also what about inconveniencing other family members?

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Sassybluesy

But this isn't what the OP asked about. His premise was, that mom has already died, so would it be terrible if he postponed the funeral, and took a planned vacation AFTER SHE DIED.


If she HASN'T died by the time the vacation comes up, that's a different scenario, and he wasn't asking about that.


Whether he actually enjoys the vacation...that's his call. Who knows, maybe the vacation planned is someplace peaceful and quiet, and maybe it'd be just what he needed to contemplate, grieve, and recharge, for the weeks ahead.

But the mother isn't dead.

When you post a situation on City Data and ask for advice people will comment.

I and others on here find it somewhat disturbing that someone can think of leaving a dying parent.

As far as the vacation goes, the last thing you want to do is find yourself on a long flight getting to that destination and you end getting emotional on the plane(these days that could get you in trouble). These things need to be well thought out.

[quote=arwenmark;51026578]What is the cost of delaying or cancelling the vacation as opposed to the extra days of cold storage for your mother's remains while delaying the funeral? which I assume you would pay for since the delay is to accomidate you.
Also what about inconveniencing other family members?[/QUOTE]

Very good point. Are there siblings?

Having a sibling not be there by choice when the parent dies could cause a rift that might not be mended.

[fluffythewondercat]

We had something similar happen last year.

We decided we needed to reward ourselves with something really nice, so I did something I'd never done before: booked a last-minute cabin on a very expensive cruise. We had to pay the entire amount up front, no cancellations, no refunds.

A loved one suddenly became very ill and declined rapidly the night before we were to leave. We looked at each other and said, "No, we can't go on the cruise." He died the next day, after the ship left port.

We lost $24,000.

Did we do the right thing? I don't know. It's possible it wouldn't have made any difference to him whether or not we were there. But it made a difference to us at the time.

Cruise insurance doesn't cover a third party's death, only if something had happened to one or both of us.

OP, if you've already paid for this trip, please go on it. It was a horrible time for us, what with our two losses. It took us quite a long time to bounce back, which might have been eased somewhat if the cruise line had even bothered to find out why we didn't show up. Instead, they told our travel agent to call us. He tried to sell us another cruise.

[spencgr]

Certainly not a monster to delay a funeral. But what if she is still alive when you leave? What if she dies while you are gone? Who will be there to comfort her in her last moments?

[steiconi]

No, you aren't a monster. Life keeps going on for the living, even when a loved one is dying.

Hospice isn't a guarantee of death at a certain time; I know a couple of women who were in hospice for a year, left it, and came back months later to die.

Would your mother want you to miss your vacation? Have you talked to her about it? Dying people often somehow postpone or speed up the end, hanging on until a certain loved one comes, or clocking off right on their birthday.

Will other people try to make you feel bad? Then they're pretty crappy human beings.

[runswithscissors]

What are you a nervous wreck over?

You're not considering postponing your vacation and assume you'll have FUN. While you say she's dying in hospice.

I don't understand this question.

Are you worried about what people might say?

We don't know any of these people but it sure will give them alot to talk about at the funeral!

[Tallysmom]

Not at all. Two cousins recently passed and in each case, they buried them in a few days at a very private service, then scheduled a memorial service a month later.

[harry chickpea]

There is plenty of commentary for the OP to reflect upon. To allow the thread to remain open longer would no longer be helpful, so it is time for it to say goodnight.