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Old 02-20-2018, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,562 posts, read 2,377,384 times
Reputation: 14033

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Quote:
Originally Posted by steiconi View Post
Wait a minute, it was their sister right? They are mourning in their own way.
It's too bad that you don't agree with them; I guess your mom treated you better than she did them.

Or, possibly, they've had time to figure out how badly she treated them, and you don't yet realize how she abused you.
Yes, this was my mom's sister and I'm totally aware of the conflicts that went on in their relationships with each other, and how she could be cruel at times to anyone including me (her daughter). My mom was diagnosed with a personality disorder. This was a formal medical diagnosis from a doctor. She did not treat me any better than she treated anyone else. I just would rather not have listened to it on the same day she died. There was a brief mention by the pastor who spoke at her funeral, that she struggled with an emotional disorder.
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Old 02-20-2018, 05:58 PM
 
15,833 posts, read 18,470,538 times
Reputation: 25622
I think your relatives were heartless airing anything negative with you period. They have each other for that.
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Old 02-21-2018, 03:51 PM
 
1,140 posts, read 404,315 times
Reputation: 2317
I think it's cowardly and thoughtless.I say that if you have something to say...you say it to that person when they're healthy and not on their death bed or dead already.I would have hung up on them and cut them out of my life all together.
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Old 02-21-2018, 04:53 PM
 
Location: PNW
2,215 posts, read 738,340 times
Reputation: 7258
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
When my mom passed some of her sisters wanted to air their grievances to me about things she'd said and done in her lifetime. On the phone, the same day of her death. Thinking back now, I find it a little disgraceful to be airing their grievances before the person is even cold in the ground. I knew they didn't always get along well during her life time. My mom was also diagnosed with an emotional disorder and had conflicts with a lot of people quite often. What does anyone here think about airing grievances against a person who has just passed away?
I will go to my own grave convinced that my mother was very bipolar, and she was a tough person to like. In fact, we were estranged when she passed and was her choice. But when she died no one did what your aunts did. My sister-in-law was very well aware of how Mom was, so we had many private discussions. I and a brother (either one) will sometimes have talks about her as the subjects come up.

But, man, oh, man, your sisters behaved very badly. Were you close with your aunts, or get along? Did they keep their distance? I'm wondering if they kept their distance (because they probably had to), and it was their way of trying to make you know why. Could that be possible?

The day of the funeral is OUT of the question for airing grievances. I attended a funeral for a co-worker, and there was friction between his adults sons and his current wife. One of the stupid boys came up to her and said, "I'm sorry for your loss, but I wish he came around more". Without skipping a beat, she told them, "Get the f--- out of here!" What on earth did he possibly think to accomplish?
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Old 02-21-2018, 06:40 PM
 
1,371 posts, read 659,454 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
What does anyone here think about airing grievances against a person who has just passed away?
I think it's inappropriate and inconsiderate. There should have been nothing but condolences for you.

Also, the dead can't defend themselves, so it's a pretty low thing to do.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, OP.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:21 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,461 posts, read 18,167,629 times
Reputation: 18833
Quote:
Originally Posted by writerwife View Post
the child of the deceased (no matter the age) is not the person to vent at. It's sick, pathetic and selfish. My daughter's friend went thru the same thing. That was 7 yrs ago and none of them have spoken to one another since. Sad.
I found my mother's personal phonebook the day after she died. I telephoned people who had been friends for over 70 years! I am so sorry I did that. Some vented to me about things they felt she had done wrong to them 50,60 years ago. I was looking for sympathy, being an only child, from people who knew her all their lives. Nope. All I got was depressed and angry at these people. I knew my mother's shortcomings in her personality and did not need these people to expound on what a snotty b*tch they thought she was. Why did these people stay "friends" with her for over 70 years? I've gotten over it the past 26 years but in the beginning it made my grief a little deeper knowing what these people really thought about my mom.
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Old 02-25-2018, 06:16 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,658,486 times
Reputation: 33231
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
OK, I guess I just needed some confirmation of that. It wasn't what I wanted to hear the same day that she passed away.
Very sorry this happened to you and the loss of your mother. No matter how old we are the loss of a parent is tough.

I think people who do this have no class but also have some guilt now that the person is gone. Maybe they did something wrong, or could have mended fences, etc.

I know it's after the fact but I think I would have said "you do realize you're talking about my mother who just passed"....than click.

If they had any class or empathy within them, they would call back and apologize.
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Old 02-25-2018, 06:19 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,658,486 times
Reputation: 33231
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckystrike1 View Post
I will go to my own grave convinced that my mother was very bipolar, and she was a tough person to like. In fact, we were estranged when she passed and was her choice. But when she died no one did what your aunts did. My sister-in-law was very well aware of how Mom was, so we had many private discussions. I and a brother (either one) will sometimes have talks about her as the subjects come up.

But, man, oh, man, your sisters behaved very badly. Were you close with your aunts, or get along? Did they keep their distance? I'm wondering if they kept their distance (because they probably had to), and it was their way of trying to make you know why. Could that be possible?

The day of the funeral is OUT of the question for airing grievances. I attended a funeral for a co-worker, and there was friction between his adults sons and his current wife. One of the stupid boys came up to her and said, "I'm sorry for your loss, but I wish he came around more". Without skipping a beat, she told them, "Get the f--- out of here!" What on earth did he possibly think to accomplish?
It was the OP's aunts, not her sisters.
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Old 02-25-2018, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,562 posts, read 2,377,384 times
Reputation: 14033
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I found my mother's personal phonebook the day after she died. I telephoned people who had been friends for over 70 years! I am so sorry I did that. Some vented to me about things they felt she had done wrong to them 50,60 years ago. I was looking for sympathy, being an only child, from people who knew her all their lives. Nope. All I got was depressed and angry at these people. I knew my mother's shortcomings in her personality and did not need these people to expound on what a snotty b*tch they thought she was. Why did these people stay "friends" with her for over 70 years? I've gotten over it the past 26 years but in the beginning it made my grief a little deeper knowing what these people really thought about my mom.
That's very similar to what I went through. Hard to get support when so many people held grudges against my mother. They should have talked to a counselor about these issues - or anyone else, really - instead of unloading them onto me.
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Old 02-25-2018, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,562 posts, read 2,377,384 times
Reputation: 14033
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckystrike1 View Post
But, man, oh, man, your sisters behaved very badly. Were you close with your aunts, or get along? Did they keep their distance? I'm wondering if they kept their distance (because they probably had to), and it was their way of trying to make you know why. Could that be possible?
My aunts (they were my mom's sisters), I wasn't super close to them but saw them on holidays, family gatherings. They kept their distance from my mother in later years and they didn't want to come to my wedding when I got married, which was hard for me not to have many of my own relatives there. A lot of that was because they didn't want to deal with my mom and issues with her personality disorder.
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