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Old 02-19-2018, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,486 posts, read 2,353,576 times
Reputation: 13885

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When my mom passed some of her sisters wanted to air their grievances to me about things she'd said and done in her lifetime. On the phone, the same day of her death. Thinking back now, I find it a little disgraceful to be airing their grievances before the person is even cold in the ground. I knew they didn't always get along well during her life time. My mom was also diagnosed with an emotional disorder and had conflicts with a lot of people quite often. What does anyone here think about airing grievances against a person who has just passed away?
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
17,429 posts, read 3,547,315 times
Reputation: 22636
Really low and quite selfish...never should have happened.

Sorry you had to endure this...
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,063 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73701
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
What does anyone here think about airing grievances against a person who has just passed away?
It's extremely inconsiderate.

I would have told them to write it all down and then burn it. And I would have hung up the phone if they continued talking after I asked them not to.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:06 PM
 
Location: North State (California)
28,238 posts, read 2,199,762 times
Reputation: 9866
In very poor taste & a complete lack of class. If it happens again, cut the conversation off or hang up. I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:12 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,371 posts, read 1,643,179 times
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It's not appropriate to talk to you about. Especially not on the day you were still probably in shock over your mom's passing, which I agree is distasteful in general and especially disrespectful to you. Even if they didn't particularly get along with your mom, that was not the time to share it. It was the time to offer you some comforting words.

They could have said something like "she was lucky to have you as such a good daughter" (which is evident because you're posting this question out of concern to protect your mom's honor).

I wouldn't let them steal your joy, but just know that they definitely fell short of how they should have behaved, as his been noted by myself and other posters here.

If they have issues to talk about, they need to talk to a therapist. Or an etiquette coach.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:13 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,136 posts, read 21,129,613 times
Reputation: 23168
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
When my mom passed some of her sisters wanted to air their grievances to me about things she'd said and done in her lifetime. On the phone, the same day of her death. Thinking back now, I find it a little disgraceful to be airing their grievances before the person is even cold in the ground. I knew they didn't always get along well during her life time. My mom was also diagnosed with an emotional disorder and had conflicts with a lot of people quite often. What does anyone here think about airing grievances against a person who has just passed away?
Sounds sick.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:22 PM
 
6,746 posts, read 2,619,543 times
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If the listener agrees with the speaker, then it can be sort of emotionally cathartic.

If you didn't agree with your aunt, and you made that kind of clear, she should have shut her mouth.

But I came out of a funeral for a woman a few years ago who was just a trainwreck. Leaving the church after the funeral, her long suffering husband said something and then said wow. That's the first time I've said something right in 48 years.

So yeah. Sometimes you just gotta let some steam out.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Boonies of N. Alabama
2,321 posts, read 2,100,711 times
Reputation: 3769
the child of the deceased (no matter the age) is not the person to vent at. It's sick, pathetic and selfish. My daughter's friend went thru the same thing. That was 7 yrs ago and none of them have spoken to one another since. Sad.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,486 posts, read 15,923,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
Really low and quite selfish...never should have happened.

Sorry you had to endure this...
I agree. I am so sorry.
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Old 02-19-2018, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,486 posts, read 2,353,576 times
Reputation: 13885
Quote:
Originally Posted by writerwife View Post
the child of the deceased (no matter the age) is not the person to vent at. It's sick, pathetic and selfish. My daughter's friend went thru the same thing. That was 7 yrs ago and none of them have spoken to one another since. Sad.
OK, I guess I just needed some confirmation of that. It wasn't what I wanted to hear the same day that she passed away.
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