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Old 04-11-2018, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Norfolk
1,574 posts, read 1,978,911 times
Reputation: 5073

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Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
There is a quote attributed to Rose Kennedy, that woman had a lot of grief and misery in her life, her quote holds true to me:

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
I have always loved that quote, and even more now.

She buried three of her sons. One died in WW2 (Joseph), and the other two were murdered.

Rose was a very wise woman, and that wisdom came at such a cost.

 
Old 04-11-2018, 01:49 PM
 
764 posts, read 46,273 times
Reputation: 474
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackberryMerlot View Post
So tired of Day by Day Life Beyond Loss. Lets move beyond it. Loss is part of life. It seems to take about 2 years to move beyond into acceptance for most people studies have shown.

You are a fairly new member, as am I.

I suffered an awful loss recently. I am in a fog, and trying to find my way now. I sometimes read the thread you mention, and different ones, too, in an effort to come out of the void. I will use any help that is out there, to try to keep from drowning.

Why does this bother you? It is just words. They help some people. You can ignore it, and just let others make their own decisions.
 
Old 04-11-2018, 04:57 PM
 
5,733 posts, read 4,581,672 times
Reputation: 4149
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackberryMerlot View Post
Gosh I have not become hardened by being a nurse, just the opposite. You can't be distracted by your emotions in the ICU. But by being more tender I find I can let things go after I go home. Also, I have some evidence that only their body is dead. There is something that continues on.

A man who was an electrical lineman fell off the pole in an isolated area. His wife was supposed to bring him his lunch. She found him unresponsive on the ground and called 911. He was brought to my hospital DOA to the ER and was revived. Next, I got this patient. I heard in report that his first words when he came back to life were Hey! Your cutting off my best shirt!

He was so kind and polite but somewhat quiet and dreamy. Finally,he said Can I tell you something? I don't know who to tell. He said he didn't remember what happened, but suddenly he was so free and able to fly. He said he was in a sea of love going to something so immense and did not want to come back. There was a glow to him. Since it was a teaching hospital, I asked him if this was OK. I called the chaplain and said you know those theology students you have? Please send them to room 619. Several people got off the elevator and went in there and closed the door. When they came out, they too were glowing with love.

My own mother had a birth with a placenta previa. That is when the baby's umbilical cord is around their neck or caught on their arms or legs and they pull the placenta loose from the uterus. The mother rapidly bleeds out. This happened to my mother and she lost conciousness. Next thing she knew she was on the ceiling looking down at herself with the doctors and nurses jaming IVs into every vein she had and sqeezing bags of blood. She too, was in a sea of love and was drawn to a radiance but then she thought I can't go! I have other children. So she went back to her body and she was revived.

I have asked many patients who were brought back did they remember anything. Most don't, but some do.
I am saying this here for those who grieve. I am fairly certain you will see them again.

Very nice post, Blackberry...
and especially the bold. I agree.
Take care,
sparrow
 
Old 04-11-2018, 07:33 PM
 
Location: California
65,151 posts, read 16,023,404 times
Reputation: 40130
The person has the right to start a thread. In this case,this person feels the need to be comforted and those that choose to be her friends are comforting to that person and vice versa.. It's a support group for that particular thread.. What you did in your profession is different from what that person feels. That person is not in the hospital right now or in care. Has the right to talk about it and is not hurting anyone. You don't need to read it.
 
Old 04-12-2018, 12:04 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18819
Quote:
Originally Posted by eric johns View Post
You are a fairly new member, as am I.

I suffered an awful loss recently. I am in a fog, and trying to find my way now. I sometimes read the thread you mention, and different ones, too, in an effort to come out of the void. I will use any help that is out there, to try to keep from drowning.

Why does this bother you? It is just words. They help some people. You can ignore it, and just let others make their own decisions.
Hi, eric. I am very sorry to hear of your recent loss. Who did you lose? There are many, many good threads on older back pages. Use the search feature and put in what you would like to find out about how others coped. Or start a new thread. Cyn's life after loss thread is basically just for her and her friends. I haven't read it for such a long time, IDK if someone goes there with THEIR loss if they get any help.

Believe me, most of the older threads were such a life saver.....to me, literally, that I keep popping in to see what is going on.

Ask and people will do their best to help.

Peace,
tami
 
Old 04-12-2018, 08:25 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
Reputation: 4554
Quote:
Originally Posted by eric johns View Post
I suffered an awful loss recently. I am in a fog, and trying to find my way now. I sometimes read the thread you mention, and different ones, too, in an effort to come out of the void. I will use any help that is out there, to try to keep from drowning.
Eric, I am sorry to hear that you have had a terrible loss. There are lots of folks on this forum who have also been in "the void" and are willing to listen. You are most welcome to start a thread. Tell us how we can help you. You are not alone in your suffering.
 
Old 04-13-2018, 02:46 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,083,410 times
Reputation: 30973
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
....
There is a quote attributed to Rose Kennedy, that woman had a lot of grief and misery in her life, her quote holds true to me:

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone....
We can only speak from our own experience on this, including what is attributed to Mrs. Kennedy above. For her the scar tissue is not part of what she understands as healing evidently. And for her the pain only lessens under the scar tissue. And for her it is never gone.

Her experience does not reflect mine. In some cases it has been rather as she is reputed to have said, and it others it has been totally contrary.

Over and over again when it comes to a discussion of how long a person grieves, many people will say that there are not rules when it comes to how long the grieving process lasts. Something I am inclined to agree with. What I do not recall seeing is anyone saying that ultimately, the end of the process may be that there is no pain.
 
Old 04-13-2018, 12:20 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,501 times
Reputation: 1753
Everyone has their own grief timetable and different in how they get over death, probably in line with how much it has impacted their lives. And some people are lucky enough to have their passed love ones visit them in their dreams. This has done so much for healing as anything else. Make sure you are getting deep enough sleep to see your loved ones in your dreams again! I can not stress this enough!

I had an interesting dream the other night where my Mom was able to hug me and congratulate me about my unborn child, and then she was passing again. I saw her die again, this time it was different. It gave me some level of closure. It was such a relief to have that, and on some levels it was/seemed real, it was healing! It was my way of visiting her in the after life and telling her she is going to be a Gramma.

OP, I realize that you are a HOSPICE nurse and have seen a lot. My dad died in a hospice. All those nurses talked a lot, but had nothing real to say, just pre-programmed, unfeeling drones trying to get their shift over with. The moment a volunteer came by to visit us, it was like night and day difference. I felt the love, and felt the empathy, and it was so real! I am just saying you may be too ingrained in the day to day of your profession, and are unable to feel as much empathy for others as you used to. Moderator cut: point was made

Last edited by harry chickpea; 04-13-2018 at 01:07 PM..
 
Old 04-13-2018, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,851 posts, read 51,316,975 times
Reputation: 27726
I'll step in to remind everyone that this thread has remained open only because it deals with the generalities of what some see as an unusual long running thread, which may at times seem tangential to the forum header. It is important to have that discussion out in the open.

The OP of this thread had some legitimate concerns and some confusion, as have others. There is nothing wrong with that. I've already removed a couple of posts dealing with comments about individual people in a negative fashion. If you also feel a need to do so, please hit pause and cool down. You'll thank me later.

The bottom line is that the "Life Alone" thread has a purpose and will continue. I'll leave this thread open for a couple of days for final respectful comments, and then it will be closed.

Last edited by harry chickpea; 04-13-2018 at 10:48 PM..
 
Old 04-13-2018, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Tulare County, Ca
1,031 posts, read 608,067 times
Reputation: 1767
Good job Harry.
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