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Old 04-09-2018, 04:37 PM
 
426 posts, read 144,639 times
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So tired of Day by Day Life Beyond Loss. Lets move beyond it. Loss is part of life. It seems to take about 2 years to move beyond into acceptance for most people studies have shown.

 
Old 04-09-2018, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,484 posts, read 15,923,785 times
Reputation: 38786
If you don't like that thread, don't read it.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 12:39 AM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
Reputation: 4554
People are not studies. They are individuals. If an ongoing thread is supportive, I see no harm in it. And as Germaine2626 has said, you don't have to read that thread.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 04:47 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,963 posts, read 6,716,042 times
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It is a supportive thread especially to those that just suffered a loss. I do agree it has become a crutch for some that need to get over it. One poster was almost a daily poster. Moderator cut: your point was already made

Last edited by harry chickpea; 04-10-2018 at 06:54 AM..
 
Old 04-10-2018, 08:38 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18819
I stopped reading that thread long ago because it was irrelevant to me. I suggest you just skip that thread, OP.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 11:26 AM
 
426 posts, read 144,639 times
Reputation: 1349
I don't read it. Its just when I scan down the forum list there it is "Day by Day life beyond loss" for years for as long as I have read CD forum so I tried to start a new active topic.

Death is just part of life. Heck, half my family had died. My mother, my father, my sister, grandpatents, friends, ex lovers and at least 200 pets, horses dogs, birds. After a few days it hurts less and I don't wake up crushed by grief. Theres somehow a hole in my soul but life fills it in and I move on.

That's the thing about love. Everything dies. We have to learn to love without attachment. We have to learn to love with an open hand.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 12:57 PM
 
1,314 posts, read 663,526 times
Reputation: 1561
I'm confused what that thread is about?
 
Old 04-10-2018, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,851 posts, read 51,316,975 times
Reputation: 27720
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackberryMerlot View Post
I don't read it. Its just when I scan down the forum list there it is "Day by Day life beyond loss" for years for as long as I have read CD forum so I tried to start a new active topic.

Death is just part of life. Heck, half my family had died. My mother, my father, my sister, grandpatents, friends, ex lovers and at least 200 pets, horses dogs, birds. After a few days it hurts less and I don't wake up crushed by grief. Theres somehow a hole in my soul but life fills it in and I move on.

That's the thing about love. Everything dies. We have to learn to love without attachment. We have to learn to love with an open hand.
The moment I hear or read the words "have to" I balk. From time to time in conversations I will find myself saying "you have to understand..." and then I immediately back out and literally verbalize "no, you don't 'have to' do anything." Saying "you have to" is a condescension where you state that your knowledge and experience is superior to that of the person you are talking at. That type of black and white thinking and verbalization is not only non-productive, but it will create a polarity response or cause the individual to shut down and shut out. "You HAVE to clean your room." "Yes, mom (goes on playing game)."

I was reviewing old material a few days ago and came across an individual saying "Be thankful when you are in the deepest throes of grief, for it means that you have truly loved and been loved, something many people never experience. The greater the love, the greater the loss." While I don't ascribe directly to that, there is some truth in it.

The concepts of mudita and agape are part of higher development, but complete non-attachment is not a substitute for avoiding the pain of loving and then losing. The avoidance of grief is in itself problematic and a hindrance to growth.

We don't "get over" grief as much as we learn to accept it and learn from it and continue on. If death is a "just" part of life (more accurately it is a major milestone that needs recognition and respect), then another very real part of life today is that many of us are much more isolated socially from others than would have been possible in times past. Sometimes very important support connections are primarily through online communications. The "beyond loss" thread serves a purpose and is a support and will continue. PERIOD.

While some may at times view it as a crutch, many times people need a little assistance in walking the walk of the life they have been dealt. If using a crutch (both literal and figurative) helps a person to get around better, and does not further debilitate the person, then it is a good thing. Social support of any type - including family dinners and holidays - can be perceived as a crutch. How many families would fall apart completely if it wasn't for the obligatory Thanksgiving get together? Going out with co-workers after work for a beer is a crutch. I can be cynical enough to label a lot of things "crutches," but it serves no purpose to do so.

If someone is going down a road that I think leads to depression or a pit, I'll make an active comment or suggestion in hopes of guiding away from that pain. If someone is coping and doing well, a crutch is simply a tool that is helpful. Because there is a thread here that doesn't help the casual reader, that doesn't mean that it has no value. As has been said, just skip the threads that are not of interest.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 02:39 PM
 
426 posts, read 144,639 times
Reputation: 1349
Pardon me I was trying to be helpful. As an ICU and a hospice nurse I have some experience in grief and grieving. I shall reword - It has been most helpful to me personally to learn something from deaths of those I loved. And that is to 'try' to love without attachment. I learned this from raising baby birds when I was a wildlife rehabber. You feed those little helpless creatures every hour from sunrise to sunset and raise them up. But to love a wild thing they must be let go. I could not cling to them because I had become attached to them. I had to learn to love them with an open hand. I have found that is helpful to ease my grief for the deaths of human beings, even patients I had become attached to. We get this lesson of death again and again in life. Why? Maybe it is so we have the opportunity learn to love like God loves. Of course, everybody grieves in their own way.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 06:38 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,501,765 times
Reputation: 10183
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackberryMerlot View Post
So tired of Day by Day Life Beyond Loss. Lets move beyond it. Loss is part of life. It seems to take about 2 years to move beyond into acceptance for most people studies have shown.
I agree. That has become almost a personal sub-forum. And since the goal is really to try to move past a death - indeed, isn't that what our loved ones would want, for us to go on and make a happier life for ourselves? - I think to endlessly return to the same death thread is neither helpful nor healthy.
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