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Old 04-12-2018, 04:31 PM
 
286 posts, read 75,127 times
Reputation: 185

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my fiance died two years ago of cancer in a hospice.
i don't know enough about the opioids and their side effects to understand the changes in his behavior
when i last visited him. how often do the staff administer the pain medication?

the first time i visited him, he started talking distractedly and angrily to himself. i chalked it up to the opioids
and let him know "i just keep in mind it can be the medication talking' to reassure him for the next time.

i noticed the schedule went from 7am-7pm PST on weekdays; opioids were given around each meal time.

on the weekend i last visited him, the hours were 7am-5pm PST. i arrived around 4:45 pm (i live in another
county and have to commute there).

when i entered the room, he was delighted, recognized me. a little while later, he responded to casual
remarks in a somewhat surprised way.

he had back pain and wanted to be shifted to the side, so i let him know i would alert the staff.

the staff came, but didn't do what he wanted, and then rushed out again.

i was sitting across from him, and gently blew him a kiss. he did the same.

suddenly, his eyes grew very wide, he looked bewildered, then very angry.
he pulled himself abruptly over to the side of the wall, grabbed the curtain
around the bed, and didn't come out from behind or make any sounds.

a while later, he fell asleep. i gently touched his arm, kissed his cheek, and told him how much i loved him
before i left.

he died the next afternoon at 4:30 pm PST.
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Old 04-12-2018, 04:39 PM
 
5,442 posts, read 3,407,578 times
Reputation: 20556
You may want to try the Grief and Mourning forum. Many sympathetic ears there.
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Old 04-12-2018, 06:55 PM
 
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California
520 posts, read 422,130 times
Reputation: 587
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku View Post
my fiance died two years ago of cancer in a hospice.
i don't know enough about the opioids and their side effects to understand the changes in his behavior
when i last visited him. how often do the staff administer the pain medication?

the first time i visited him, he started talking distractedly and angrily to himself. i chalked it up to the opioids
and let him know "i just keep in mind it can be the medication talking' to reassure him for the next time.

i noticed the schedule went from 7am-7pm PST on weekdays; opioids were given around each meal time.

on the weekend i last visited him, the hours were 7am-5pm PST. i arrived around 4:45 pm (i live in another
county and have to commute there).

when i entered the room, he was delighted, recognized me. a little while later, he responded to casual
remarks in a somewhat surprised way.

he had back pain and wanted to be shifted to the side, so i let him know i would alert the staff.

the staff came, but didn't do what he wanted, and then rushed out again.

i was sitting across from him, and gently blew him a kiss. he did the same.

suddenly, his eyes grew very wide, he looked bewildered, then very angry.
he pulled himself abruptly over to the side of the wall, grabbed the curtain
around the bed, and didn't come out from behind or make any sounds.

a while later, he fell asleep. i gently touched his arm, kissed his cheek, and told him how much i loved him
before i left.

he died the next afternoon at 4:30 pm PST.
I'm sorry for your loss, but this has nothing to do with the Bay Area.
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Old 04-12-2018, 10:28 PM
 
286 posts, read 75,127 times
Reputation: 185
the hospice is in the Bay Area
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Old 04-13-2018, 01:16 AM
 
57 posts, read 49,009 times
Reputation: 71
Thank you for sharing your story. My sincere condolences to you and your family.
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Old 04-13-2018, 02:07 AM
 
3,031 posts, read 2,867,956 times
Reputation: 3368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku View Post
the hospice is in the Bay Area
So sorry for your loss...
Each location forum mostly discusses a broad range of relocation issues.
If you scroll down to the General forums you'll find the Caregiving, as well as the Greif and Mourning forums. Truly there are kind people there, regardless of their location, who may have shared experiences or information regarding your concerns about how opioids affect someone in their last days.
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Old 04-13-2018, 04:57 AM
 
912 posts, read 131,083 times
Reputation: 500
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku
the hospice is in the Bay Area
I am so very sorry........ Im glad you got to see him @ the end
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:20 AM
 
286 posts, read 75,127 times
Reputation: 185
Podo944,
Thank you so much for the input about how to post--i'm new to this site. so far, just logging in, entering the subject matter and clicking on areas where the subject would apply per people who post. somewhat confusing (i still don't know how to use the Edit function for any typos).
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:44 AM
 
286 posts, read 75,127 times
Reputation: 185
Fluffy, i was able to do what you recommended. Thanks!
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Old 04-13-2018, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,858 posts, read 51,363,981 times
Reputation: 27740
Welcome to this little corner of the forums. You'll find the folks here kind and knowledgeable. Mood shifts as you describe are not uncommon.
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