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Old 05-19-2018, 01:58 PM
5,706 posts, read 12,821,195 times
Reputation: 9008


Originally Posted by slamont61 View Post
I'm sort of in the same boat as the OP. Wife passed away suddenly a month ago. I've had issues with motivation during this span of depression. Luckily I am able to get out of bed and begin to get along with my day. I've worked from home since returning to it a couple weeks ago yet I still hit walls there too. I can't seem to do anything that encroaches on her domain. It took me almost two weeks before I could sleep in the bedroom again. Yet there are small wins each day where I can get a bit further. Tasks like cleaning seem like climbing a mountain and when started yield to an incomplete status. Each day I'm able to get more done. I'm still unable to deal with any personal stuff of her's like dresser and closet contents. Everything is just 10 times harder than it should be.

I'm lucky (sort of) that I have a 1 year old puppy to care for which helps in motivation and companionship. He's also an anchor that follows me from one room to another. It's hard for me to leave him while I go to the store. Without him I'd be more lost than ever. My wife was his primary care giver so he is also depressed and confused as to her whereabouts.

We're both moving along and each day there are 'walls' we bump up against. Weather it's something that reminds me of her or something we would do together, those obstacles will be there. It's just something I or we have to deal with.

I know it will get better with time, so we do just that, taking it one day at a time. It's just hard.
I totally understand the lack of motivation. If it wasn't for my dog to care for and talk to I would probably stay in bed too. She is my lifeline. My children were here for two weeks after he passed (11 months now) and removed his personal things from closet and drawers. I kept a T-shirt, in fact the last one he bought and a fleece jacket which still smells like him. Your wife is nearby, watching over you and trying to help you deal and learn to cope with life alone. My children don't live nearby and they have their own lives. They visit and I see one of them once a week, when I go for dinner. I have to concentrate on sometimes the next minute. I wish I had gone first.
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Old 05-19-2018, 02:14 PM
Location: SC
1,875 posts, read 1,039,283 times
Reputation: 2997
Originally Posted by VTsnowbird View Post
Hi Eric, my condolences on your loss. I lost my husband January of 2015 after a year and a half of illness. We were like you, no kids, no pets, not a lot of friends. Just the two of us in a very close relationship (always worked together from home and were together 98% of the time).

When he passed, a widowed friend told me, "now you will find YOU." She was right, I needed to find who I was besides being half of a couple. It is an ongoing journey.

Also, I asked myself, What am I going to do with all this love I used to give my husband? And I answered, I am going to send it out into the world. I volunteer 3 times a week at a social service agency, helping people. So many of them need love. Even if it only a smile and some friendly conversation. You never know what difference you might make in someone's life.

The world needs some gift that you have. Don't hide in bed too much longer.

(((((Big hugs Eric)))))
What a wonderful post VTsnowbird!

OP- I am so sorry for your loss. I think many of the posters here have offered excellent ideas.
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