I don’t want to get out of bed since wife died

[eric johns]

I don’t have any reason to get up. It was just us, no kids. No family. We used to have friends, but not anymore, they died or moved. Our pets died, I don’t want another pet, I can’t go through that. I’m retired, have physical problems so finding a job would be hard.

I’m staying with a former coworker now, but it’s just because I don’t want to go back to my place and deal with packing and moving. He can use the money that I pay in rent, but he isn’t really someone I confide in, he’s a loner and keeps to himself. His wife left him awhile back

I’m not religious so church would not help.

Really, I don’t have a reason to get out of bed and I spend more time there each week that goes by.

Is anyone else going through this.

[harry chickpea]

First- come here. There is no judgment, we all have lost loved ones. My wife and I were introverts, so I understand some of what you are experiencing. If you need to stay in bed a little longer - stay in bed a little longer. You might want to begin considering what you want to do that will help others - NOT yourself right now.

How long since your wife died? Has anyone come forward to help out?

[eric johns]

She died on Xmas, her birthday. She didn’t want a memorial service. I called the people we knew, but there weren’t that many of them anymore.

I try to stay busy, like learning to cook, but I’m not really hungry these days, so that isn’t much help.

[G Grasshopper]

I'm very sorry about your loss. As Harry said, many of us are familiar with the loss of a beloved spouse after a whole lifetime together. I do so understand having no interest in eating, wanting to just stay in bed, feeling as though there is nothing left. I know it is hard to believe, but things can gradually get better. You are just 4 months out from a devastating loss, so I encourage having patience with yourself, but also taking care of yourself. Do try to eat some healthy food. I would also encourage you to take a walk, if you can, every day. Being outside in nature is truly helpful. It is spring now, and I don't know where you live, but in many places, there are encouraging signs of new life. Even just sitting outside, getting a little sun and some of the sights and sounds of spring is good for the soul. Just get out a little, then if you want, go back and rest. It takes time.

[jayden22]

I’m sorry for your loss.

[dizzybint]

Talking to someone would be good, your too reclusive to begin to heal.. its not that long since her death but you cant shut yourself away indefinitely... IM sure your wife wouldnt want this.. The person your living with isnt helping either.. but maybe just doesnt know how... Find a relative or good friend who you can talk to and maybe in time you will learn to mingle in company again or at least want or find a reason to get out of bed..good luck....

[cremebrulee]

I'm so sorry for your loss....and I really hope and pray things will turn a lot better for you soon, however, your wife didn't pass away all that long ago...and I'm certain there is a lot of turmoil within you about this whole situation. People will say to you, "It's been a while since she passed, you need to snap out of it". Don't listen to them, no one can place a time frame, on this, everyone is different.

Your partner was taken from you, and all that you knew in your lives together was your routine...and it sounds like she took great care of you, cooked, cleaned, etc. Not that you didn't give anything to her back, but that's what made you both happy...so now you find yourself, in a life which is so foreign from you, a life that you not only do not know, but routine and purpose was yanked away from you and it's perfectly common to be depressed...

Why don't you try and make an appointment with a counselor? This will force you to get up and get ready, to go somewhere...?

You need routine back in your life, even if it is different....you need to plan each new day, with a routine, and then get up and follow thru with that routine....which may help and then stick to it...plan a time to go to bed, and a time to get up...

You need to create something for yourself to do...

i.e.

1. Get out of bed
2. Make bed
3. Make coffee
(plan tomorrow's dinner)
4. Take a shower
5. Get dressed
6. Go outside for a morning walk
and so forth....
7. Make lunch
8. Go visit someone (only stay an hour)
9. Go to a movie
10.God home
11. Make Dinner
12. Look into a bus trip somewhere

It will be difficult for you to do these things, but you must, you have to fight to achieve, and to created things in your life to do again....

Further down the road, and in time, you can branch out to other things, like going out to eat, taking a bike ride...working out at the gym...maybe volunteering at a dog rescue...or go into the hospital and hold babies...

Hospitals need people to volunteer, there are babies being born that cannot go home with their parents, and their parents cannot be there 24/7 so they need people to come in and hold the babies and rock them.

I hope some of this helps you in some small way

[ClaraC]

Eric, your post was very sad to read. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

If it's any help, your story is very common. There are/have been so many others walking your walk.

Prayers for healing and that you find a new direction and purpose.

[PhureeKeeper]

Very sorry for your loss.

Please reach out and talk to people. Find a grief support group in your area.

Go see your doctor. Ask them if you would be suitable for an anti-depressant. They help with mood, but can also help get your appetite back.

Get outdoors as much as possible. Buy some bird seed and feed the birds.

Best wishes to you.

[Spuggy]

Goodness me, it’s only been a few months since your loss, so sorry. Grief is different for everyone and the timeline for each stage too. However I think you e made a first step by reaching out here. I agree with the other posters in that you may need to find a widow support group, get outdoors, see your family doctor. When I was going through a period of grieving I started a journal and wrote small steps I needed to do each day. It started “get a shower” and simple tasks. I also gave myself the right to scream and cry for 15 mins each morning and the rest of the day I had to try and not cave in to it.

I’m not a fan of medicating grieving, however when grief is so crushing that you are not moving, eating, or looking after yourself physically and emotionally it is an option that has to be considered.

Best wishes