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Old 04-30-2018, 11:52 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
13,656 posts, read 10,799,931 times
Reputation: 19530

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Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
Hmmm, I had in home hospice for about one week for my husband before he passed. This was after 48 hours in a hospice center, they had him so doped up and tied in a chair at nurses station, told them to back off the drugs and transport him home. The nurses at my home were all very good, but I still think hospice hastens the death, jmo. I asked them a few times as long as he was comfy to back off the drugs, he didn't have to be loopy.
My cousin asked to be taken into the hospice , she said for a wee rest for the family.. but she knew it was near the end herself. she asked to be christened by a minister two days before she died... then asked them for the final injection.... Yes they do dope patients up a lot.. but you have to remember.. near the end the patient is confused and sometimes seeing things, bad dreams etc... I know if I was suffering in this way Id rather be in a deep sleep....its a sad way to leave the world.. but much better than pain and confusion..She got better treatment in hospice care than what she might have had in a hospital ward......My mother died in one surrounded by noisy vistors with children, she had no peace near the end... and hospitals are so busy they dont have the same time to be with patients who might want to talk..... at least hospices are peaceful.. although most people seem to choose to be at home.......Personally I wouldnt want to be a burden to any of my family near the end.. and would ask to be taken to a hospice.. Being at home puts a lot of pressure on families.. as their in amongst it constantly....but as a visitor to a hospice, they can take a break too.... and get away for a while from the situation... its draining on families too...
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Old 05-01-2018, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,415 posts, read 2,191,355 times
Reputation: 1796
I agree on the patient being in the hospital. They are noisy and no privacy for the family. I had no choice that I knew of when my first husband died. He went into his doc for a blood transfusion and they kept him would not let him come home. I did not know I could demand it. I spent 4 days in a hospital chair beside his bed until the end.

My second husband that died at home stopped all treatment because he knew they would put him in the hospital and he just did not want to die in a hospital. I do not blame him and was I happy to be able to care for him at home to the end. It is what he wanted and always talked about when he was diagnosed with pancreas cancer. Yes it was very hard on me and added some more emotional issues to get through of his passing in the house. Silly stuff really. I am glad I had a lot to get done as it kept me focused to be able to get through all of it.
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Old 05-04-2018, 03:56 AM
 
Location: Hoping to settle down.
20,806 posts, read 17,596,435 times
Reputation: 18071
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
The part I took out was a terrible experience but there is a reason for the part I left.

Procedures are in place because of problems in the past. Maybe you only intended to stay one minute but others may have said one minute and then they had trouble getting them to leave. They may have let some people be alone with the body and came back to find the family washing it. They need the funeral home name right away so the body isn't transported to the morgue. Hospice rooms are at a premium and there is a family waiting. Try to think of them.

They just handed me the bag. I had to pack it.
No, I will not think of "them". It was MY husband, MY life and they should have respected ME to have at least a minute alone to say goodbye. I had to wait an hour for the funeral home to come so what was the big deal about me sitting with him then? Bah!!!! They were just cruel and insensitive to me.

Thanks, Harry.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:59 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,819 posts, read 23,615,595 times
Reputation: 10518
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
My cousin asked to be taken into the hospice , she said for a wee rest for the family.. but she knew it was near the end herself. she asked to be christened by a minister two days before she died... then asked them for the final injection.... Yes they do dope patients up a lot.. but you have to remember.. near the end the patient is confused and sometimes seeing things, bad dreams etc... I know if I was suffering in this way Id rather be in a deep sleep....its a sad way to leave the world.. but much better than pain and confusion..She got better treatment in hospice care than what she might have had in a hospital ward......My mother died in one surrounded by noisy vistors with children, she had no peace near the end... and hospitals are so busy they dont have the same time to be with patients who might want to talk..... at least hospices are peaceful.. although most people seem to choose to be at home.......Personally I wouldnt want to be a burden to any of my family near the end.. and would ask to be taken to a hospice.. Being at home puts a lot of pressure on families.. as their in amongst it constantly....but as a visitor to a hospice, they can take a break too.... and get away for a while from the situation... its draining on families too...
The in home hospice nurses made sure I rested, told me they would wake me if he went downhill.
My husband passed in my arms with my daughter and one son there, in our bedroom, in a hospital bed but still our bedroom. I would not have wanted it any other way, would not want him to have been alone.

All though I was not happy with the actual hospice center, when we got him home the nurses who attended were wonderful. I had given the funeral home info and they called and stayed with us until they took my husband. They also in front of me and my kids destroyed all the opiates, chemo pills, counted out each pill. patch, wrote it down and destroyed, not only what they prescribed but what the VA had prescribed. They had asked and for me it was one less chore to get rid of all that.
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Old 05-04-2018, 10:00 AM
 
3,826 posts, read 5,089,741 times
Reputation: 4377
We know that every family is different and has different needs. So whether they choose to have their loved one die in an in-patient hospice or at home, with hospice support, should really be the choice of the family. My husband and I had had some negative hospital experiences, and both he and I viewed death as something that is a personal, family event, and we needed a level of privacy that seemed right to us. He wanted to die at home, and so did I. Hospice at home gave us the input and support we needed, but we were still in control.

In my case, there were three of us at home on the last 2 days: my son, my sister and me. We gave each other breaks. It was long and stressful, I suppose, but there is no way I would have called it a burden; it was a labor of love. I viewed the death process at home as the last thing that I could give to my husband; death in a place of comfort and privacy, with the people you love around you. We played the music that he loved. We talked and sang to him. We touched him and held his hands. I would like to die like that.
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Old 05-05-2018, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,819 posts, read 23,615,595 times
Reputation: 10518
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
We know that every family is different and has different needs. So whether they choose to have their loved one die in an in-patient hospice or at home, with hospice support, should really be the choice of the family. My husband and I had had some negative hospital experiences, and both he and I viewed death as something that is a personal, family event, and we needed a level of privacy that seemed right to us. He wanted to die at home, and so did I. Hospice at home gave us the input and support we needed, but we were still in control.

In my case, there were three of us at home on the last 2 days: my son, my sister and me. We gave each other breaks. It was long and stressful, I suppose, but there is no way I would have called it a burden; it was a labor of love. I viewed the death process at home as the last thing that I could give to my husband; death in a place of comfort and privacy, with the people you love around you. We played the music that he loved. We talked and sang to him. We touched him and held his hands. I would like to die like that.
We did that as well, even his wake we played his music not somber funeral home music.

Your post is spot on and I feel the same way.
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Old 05-06-2018, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,635 posts, read 6,282,401 times
Reputation: 10330
My wife had in home hospice two days a week for 2 months before she died. They could not have been more helpful. They did or arranged all kinds of things, furniture, baths, etc. They were awesome.
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Old 05-06-2018, 10:36 PM
 
9,339 posts, read 14,548,099 times
Reputation: 15046
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
No, I will not think of "them". It was MY husband, MY life and they should have respected ME to have at least a minute alone to say goodbye. I had to wait an hour for the funeral home to come so what was the big deal about me sitting with him then? Bah!!!! They were just cruel and insensitive to me.

Thanks, Harry.


I'm so sorry for your experience. The whole reason he was in hospice was to ease the strain on you, not add to it.


did this occur near a shift change? If so, that's probably why they wanted to hurry up with the discharge procedures, etc. Otherwise the incoming shift would gripe they didn't finish up their procedures.
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Hoping to settle down.
20,806 posts, read 17,596,435 times
Reputation: 18071
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I'm so sorry for your experience. The whole reason he was in hospice was to ease the strain on you, not add to it.


did this occur near a shift change? If so, that's probably why they wanted to hurry up with the discharge procedures, etc. Otherwise the incoming shift would gripe they didn't finish up their procedures.
He died at 3:30 a.m. Well before any shift changes.
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:30 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
32,856 posts, read 41,158,744 times
Reputation: 53847
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
My wife had in home hospice two days a week for 2 months before she died. They could not have been more helpful. They did or arranged all kinds of things, furniture, baths, etc. They were awesome.
My sister had the same for the last few weeks of her life. She was comfortable in her own home, and the nurses helped her husband and children through this hard time also.

Iím not sure if anyone has mentioned yet, that the hospice nurse can sign the death certificate for a person who dies at home, relieving the family of having the coroner or police involved.
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