U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 04-26-2018, 10:49 AM
9,271 posts, read 7,295,540 times
Reputation: 22761


Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I have such a story of my own and I have gone from thinking hospices were wonderful, to I wouldn't take a dog there. At least the one my husband was in for 2 1/2 days before he died. It did indeed add to my grief. Hard to forget too.
No offense, but unfortunately your husband was terminal. What could the hospice have done wrong with a patient in their last few days of life.

I know this is touchy but hospices have their place. The patients are there to die.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 04-26-2018, 11:28 AM
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,851 posts, read 51,316,975 times
Reputation: 27720
I moved this post from another thread. Please folks, try to keep threads on-topic without topic-shift or drift. Thanks.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 11:52 AM
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,523 posts, read 7,364,149 times
Reputation: 11302
My daughter had hospice care in her home after she knew there was no hope for a cure, or even to get "better". which turned out to be the last 4 and a half weeks of her life.

The first RN seemed really good in the beginning, but within about a week more than one of us heard and saw things which were not helpful or appropriate. It took just one call to a supervisor, and that nurse was gone, having been replaced with another RN who turned out to be amazing. I can't imagine anyone else doing a better job, she was a God-send. My daughter suffered greatly because of the nature of her illness, but having hospice care helped her get through to the end with dignity and grace.

So...I think we will hear varying reports in this thread about Hospice, because so much depends on the skill, expertise and empathy of the staff.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 02:55 PM
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
17,419 posts, read 3,547,315 times
Reputation: 22630
Just by the nature of the business, hospice can be unpleasant. The very last of life, often in discomfort...

We were glad to have the nurses around...takes so much pressure off family.

What's your experience OP?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 03:47 PM
Location: northern New England
1,727 posts, read 702,077 times
Reputation: 6754
Before my husband was discharged, the hospice nurse spent hours with me at home, explaining everything and they arranged for all equipment to be brought in. They told me to call them at any time if I needed help. I almost called them the first night, when my husband could not seem to settle down.

The next day he passed. I called hospice and the nurse came right over. They helped me make arrangements with a local funeral service that would handle cremation. I had picked out clothes for him to leave in - when the funeral people said they would not put the clothes on, the hospice nurse helped me wash and dress his body.

They also contacted me several times afterward to see how I was doing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 04:25 PM
Location: Arizona
5,578 posts, read 4,785,001 times
Reputation: 16486
Hospice was great when I used them. No complaints about the workers or their methods.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 04:50 PM
Location: Approximately 50 miles from Missoula MT/38 yrs full time after 4 yrs part time
2,257 posts, read 3,170,530 times
Reputation: 4693
Default Hospice opinions....IMHO,they are SIMILIAR to people's opinions of Car Dealerships....some good, some not so good!

I am in my 87th year of living through three experiences with a local Hospice facility :...My Mother....My Wife,...and My Sister.
All three were wonderful experiences for me and to observe the exceptional level of "care" that my family members received.....
BEAR IN mind, all three were the same facility, attached to a wonderful hospital located in a rural town of approx 5000 population, which is the County seat of a county of about 50,000 population, and that county has IIRC 5 or 6 private hospice facilities for competition.

IMHO, if my situation had occurred in a large city, my overall opinion my have been entirely different.
Also, the length of stay and the "condition" of the patient are also very important factors.
My Mother was 89 and in the very advanced stages of 8 years of Alzheimer's.......length of stay was 22 days.
My wife was 72, radiation and chemo had been stopped after I had been taking care of her at home for 14 months and she passed after 14 days in hospice.......I had lost 30 pounds in those 14 months, and putting her in hospice was mandatory for my health.
My sister was 86 was in advanced stages of 6 yrs of Alzheimer's, being cared for by her husband and daily outside help, and lasted 33 days in hospice.
So, in summation, my experiences with this particular hospice facility were 100% positive.
I am well aware that other people (relatiives of patients ) have "other-stories" to tell.........and I have great compassion for them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 06:36 PM
9,787 posts, read 7,650,863 times
Reputation: 6165
My mother was released from the hospital into hospice care at my house. They expected her to die within a few weeks, but she lasted 6 months.
The hospice we were assigned to was worse than nothing. A nurse came once a week. He spent 3 minutes with my mom and an hour at the kitchen table writing.

After a while they sent some spiritual person once a week and a person once a month to assess that she was not being abused.
They both sat in my kitchen for hours after spending 3 minutes with mom.

They were all useless. The prescriptions for morphine were numerous. He would change the script each week. A drug store a hour away would deliver, and we then would get some in the mail. I had enough morphine to knock out half of Houston. Goodness knows what medicare was paying for that delivery that took at least an hour.

The thing that truly chapped me happened the morning she died. The minister came, sat at my kitchen counter and told my daughter and me about his experience with the nympho he meet on an internet dating site.

My mom had that anxiety about dying and never slept. One night after 3 days of not sleeping, I finally called to tell them i needed help or one or us would have a plastic bag on their head by morning. They put her in their hospice site. It was filthy. I had to wash the blinds that had something sticky and dust all over them. There was an inch of dust on the bed frame. My son and DIL law came to spend some time with her while I slept. Not one person came into her room from 9 in the morning until late afternoon. We went home.

When mom was 24 hours away from dying, a person was sent to sit with her.

I have heard hospice is was wonderful program for years.

If I had to choose this hospice or dying alone under a bridge somewhere, I'd pick dying alone under a bridge.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2018, 07:20 PM
4,846 posts, read 2,149,409 times
Reputation: 12334
Crone. You carry a parallel experience the same as I.
Often I get the eyebrow from folks as if I am making it up or just being ungrateful for such service. There was though the cna that bathed and tended to the supplies. That lady exuded compassion. The indifference of the 'team' once she passed was other worldly. I recall having to fill out their survey and I got a phone call from the director. She pretty much gaslighted my experience. I conceded as my grief took front stage to her defensive remarks.
The relief though in reading some posts here is that there really are some respecting and caring staff.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-27-2018, 01:01 AM
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,523 posts, read 7,364,149 times
Reputation: 11302
Crone & Nov3, I'm so sorry to hear of your truly wretched and horrible experiences. The differences between your situations and mine has to be at least partly due to the local management. What you both described was unprofessional and scandalous.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top