U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-08-2018, 02:55 PM
 
254 posts, read 142,430 times
Reputation: 468

Advertisements

Thanks again. I’m really trying but the lonely, sad feeling remains. I’m in the same community we went to in the winter so not so new but we were only snowbirds for 2 years before he passed away. All the snowbirds have gone. If I was more financially off I could have kept the pocono house and I would have already been there where it’s beautiful in the summer, and closer to family. The winters were too much for me and up keeping a house. My hubby did the upkeep.

I’ll continue to try but writing it down here somehow was beneficial. I’ll just have to hang in there and force myself to get out there and meet people.

I do know some people but what I miss is a close relationship. I hope that will happen in time.

Thanks again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-08-2018, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Florida
17,398 posts, read 17,792,176 times
Reputation: 19435
Can I inject some humor in here? Being full time and having been on the BOD, the snow birds that have left make it the most enjoyable months for us full timers since they're the biggest complainers
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
14,388 posts, read 8,886,018 times
Reputation: 32545
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.

Life can be very hard sometimes, and I totally feel for you and your situation. One thing that kept me going during very black times in my life was to realize that someone, somewhere would switch lives with me in a heartbeat, if they could. Their situation is much worse than mine.

If you have your health, go find a job, regardless of if it is simply part time at a Dollar Store as a cashier or clerk. Not only will it get your mind off of the negatives in your life, the extra money comes in handy too. I know it seems hard to make the first move to do that, but it will change your life , believe me.

It will also get you out among other people and you can build off of those relationships to form friendships. Every journey starts with the first step, and that is what you need to do, take the first step to find some job that will get you out of the house and make you feel useful again.

Let us know how you are, we do care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 04:23 PM
 
254 posts, read 142,430 times
Reputation: 468
Thanks don1945. I just got finished filling out an application to work. I am trying. And you are correct. I often think there is always A lot worse I’m this world. I woke up this morning and I’m grateful for that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
14,388 posts, read 8,886,018 times
Reputation: 32545
I'll tell you a story. About 20 years ago, I was going through a nasty divorce, it was the blackest time in my life. I was losing everything we had worked so hard to build for almost 30 years, and I was like a caged animal.

As I was driving home one day from work, feeling very sorry for myself, I stopped at a red light. Two men in motorized wheelchairs were crossing in front of me, and they were evidently paralyzed because they had to operate the wheelchairs with their mouth. I looked at them, and it made me realize that I had nothing to feel sorry about, here were two men with much worse problems, and they were making the best of their lives that they could. It made me feel very selfish.

I think you are taking the right steps, go out and find that job, it will help you more than you know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,500 posts, read 49,861,957 times
Reputation: 26515
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
Thanks again. Iím really trying but the lonely, sad feeling remains. Iím in the same community we went to in the winter so not so new but we were only snowbirds for 2 years before he passed away. All the snowbirds have gone. If I was more financially off I could have kept the pocono house and I would have already been there where itís beautiful in the summer, and closer to family. The winters were too much for me and up keeping a house. My hubby did the upkeep.

Iíll continue to try but writing it down here somehow was beneficial. Iíll just have to hang in there and force myself to get out there and meet people.

I do know some people but what I miss is a close relationship. I hope that will happen in time.

Thanks again.
I'm going to commit heresy here, but you might want to subscribe to one of the PAID online dating sites, such as Match. (The freebee sites attract a more *ahem* spotty crowd.) Why am I suggesting this? Three major things I notice: 1. Your emphasis on loneliness 2. Your unfamiliar surroundings where developing relationships is going to take more time than if you were in a home community where those were already established 3. The mention of the "it has been a year" milestone.

You can put in your profile that you are only wanting companionship at this time and you are looking for people with similar interests to gather a group of friends. Not everyone on the dating sites is looking for an immediate rush into a full-on relationship.

Another way of beginning to build a community is subscribing to "meet-up" and looking for groups that are of interest to you.

You were wise to get rid of the house in the Poconos. A remote house can be a financial and emotional drain.

You will find that the people posting here are a type of community. As you have found, the door is open and hugs available. Read a few of the threads to get the flavor of the place.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,396 posts, read 4,501,336 times
Reputation: 15409
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Can I inject some humor in here? Being full time and having been on the BOD, the snow birds that have left make it the most enjoyable months for us full timers since they're the biggest complainers
So true.

Back to the OP.

It will be different now that you are a full year resident. You will make more and better friends now(some people hate snowbirds) so just give it some time. This is your home now not just a place you come to for awhile.

I am not going to suggest hobbies and activities. Only you know what you enjoy. I do hope you get involved in your community. It's governance, infrastructure, and even it's history. Go to board meetings, committee meetings, and information meetings ( like by the utility companies) and you will meet people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,597 posts, read 14,925,651 times
Reputation: 35956
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Marble cake, why do you seem so negative about going to work? Most people work, and most people get a lot out of it--the collegial relationships, the fresh challenges, learning something new, the sense of accomplishment, etc. I would become very depressed at home 7 days a week with no structure or outlet for my skills and talents.

If you did not enjoy your previous career, you have the perfect opportunity to try something new. Good luck.
I am sorry for your loss.

My husband of 40 years past away last December. I joined a widow/widowers support group ran by a local hospice organization. That group has been very helpful to all of us.

I wanted to mention that several of the members who had been retired (or retired due to caring for their spouse) returned to work a few months after their spouse died. In their cases it was the right thing to do and was very helpful to them. Almost three years ago I stopped working to become a full time caregiver for my spouse, even though I am 66 I am strongly considering going back to work.

Just think about it. Work may give you a lot of benefits besides a little extra cash.

Good luck to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Florida
27 posts, read 6,786 times
Reputation: 31
Default community events

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.
Which 55 and over are you in? Here in Pinellas, many have several social type activities. Does your community offer anything similar? If not, there are meetup groups, community classes/events, just need to be proactive in finding them. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2018, 07:14 PM
 
254 posts, read 142,430 times
Reputation: 468
Yes going back to work will be a good thing. Now to find someone to hire me at 65. I do see many seniors working, though. Not uncommon. Wish me luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top