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Old 05-09-2018, 06:03 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,066 posts, read 9,362,987 times
Reputation: 33692

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
Yes going back to work will be a good thing. Now to find someone to hire me at 65. I do see many seniors working, though. Not uncommon. Wish me luck.
Here in Florida, it is no problem for us older folks to get hired. I've retired twice, and I am now almost 73 and work 40 per week. I got bored about 5 years ago and just wanted a part time job to keep me from going nuts. That part time job morphed into the full time job I now have, and I love it

I can see by your most recent posts in this thread that you are already starting to turn around a little........GOOD FOR YOU ! When you do get a job it will be such a step in the right direction.....it is always encouraging to feel useful and needed again. You also get exercise and you use your brain more.

At 65 you are just a pup.
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Old 05-09-2018, 06:52 AM
 
304 posts, read 177,210 times
Reputation: 525
Thanks njkate. Where in nc are you moving?
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Old 05-09-2018, 06:55 AM
 
304 posts, read 177,210 times
Reputation: 525
Thanks don1945
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Old 05-09-2018, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Norfolk
1,564 posts, read 1,952,743 times
Reputation: 5015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
RosemaryT. I wish I could give you a hug. You hit it spot on. I was very very bad in the beginning. Then I started to feel a little better. Now as the second year is approaching I am just as bad as in the beginning. I guess my title summed it up. So This is It.
I have seriously tried to figure out how to create some sort of "widow's commune" where we could form a community of like-minded souls, and yet have our own small homes within the commune, and meet one another's needs.

I can't find the energy to cook, but I am very skilled at home repair and the use of power tools, and that's something I enjoy doing. It would be a pooling of one another's best resources.

More than anything, I think that older women could help each other with this problem of loneliness. And it is a big problem.
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Old 05-09-2018, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,890 posts, read 23,899,309 times
Reputation: 10669
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
Thanks njkate. Where in nc are you moving?
I'm actually in a coastal town called Sneads Ferry, I moved here thinking it would be great to have the beach so close when kids visit, but in the grand scheme how often will they be here?

I'm not a beach person, I prefer the mountains, sitting on my deck in autumn watching the trees change is more to my liking so when my lease is up I am looking into moving across the state to the Asheville NC area.

I will still be within a 10.5 hour drive to NJ via I81. Asheville airport United has a few flights a day, some non stop to Newark NJ, in Sneads Ferry unless I want to drive 2.5 hours to either Raleigh or Myrtle beach there are no non stop flights to Newark I have to go to either Jacksonville or Wilmington with my choices being Delta by way of Atlanta, American by way of Charlotte or United by way of DC. I rely on flying in winter as once 4PM comes I'm stopping for night as I hate driving in the dark and I also hate flights where I have to change planes.

The above is some of the logistics I didn't give thought to in my widows fog, I just needed to be gone from FL, I do not like it there and the time I was there is a painful memory I don't need to be reminded of every day. My husband died at home in that condo, nope don't want to be there.

Where in FL are you?
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Old 05-09-2018, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,890 posts, read 23,899,309 times
Reputation: 10669
Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
I have seriously tried to figure out how to create some sort of "widow's commune" where we could form a community of like-minded souls, and yet have our own small homes within the commune, and meet one another's needs.

I can't find the energy to cook, but I am very skilled at home repair and the use of power tools, and that's something I enjoy doing. It would be a pooling of one another's best resources.

More than anything, I think that older women could help each other with this problem of loneliness. And it is a big problem.
That would be wonderful
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Old 05-09-2018, 07:22 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,458 posts, read 29,006,196 times
Reputation: 21081
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.
I think you are still in shock over his unexpected death and loss of the plans and life you had together. I would suggest seeking out a support group, I'm sure you will have no trouble finding one, considering your location, so you will understand that what you are feeling is not unusual.

Hang in there because it will get better. It just takes time.
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Old 05-09-2018, 07:36 AM
 
3,257 posts, read 1,886,623 times
Reputation: 6222
I don't have any advice for you, Marble Cake. I just want to let you know you have been heard. I remember your posts when your husband passed away. Hang in as best you can, and I hope your spirits start to lift a little bit.
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Old 05-09-2018, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Paranoid State
12,348 posts, read 9,193,459 times
Reputation: 14468
A few thoughts:

1) I know you posted your finances are pretty tight, but consider going back to school.
2) Ask people for help. Asking for help is one way to make new friends, as you can then repay their kindness via any number of things (buy them coffee, deliver them home baked cookies, etc). This can be a springboard for a good relationship.
3) Pick up a copy of "The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over" and read it. It can help in forging new friendships.
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Old 05-09-2018, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Norfolk
1,564 posts, read 1,952,743 times
Reputation: 5015
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I think you are still in shock over his unexpected death and loss of the plans and life you had together. I would suggest seeking out a support group, I'm sure you will have no trouble finding one, considering your location, so you will understand that what you are feeling is not unusual.
I tried support groups and I found them to be profoundly depressing. One-on-one therapy worked better for me. But not every depressed person needs counseling, support groups or therapy.

Twenty-first Century America doesn't really have a place for mourning. We rush to fix it, heal it or remove it, when we really just need to let our sad heart heal from the gaping wound left by the death of a beloved spouse.
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